4 Reasons It's Sad Diners Are Closing
Diners have been in a decline in New York over the last few years. One reason is the pandemic, another is rising rents, another is younger people aren’t going into the diner business. Why WORK at a diner when you can start a YouTube channel where you REVIEW diners and make a million a year from views alone and be sponsored by ManScaped? There’s no one working at a diner sponsored by nothing.
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‘… Can I get sweet potato fries?’
Diners have things that others restaurants just don’t, and if they keep closing, for condos or tech start ups or yet another smoke shop/ping pong place/parking lot, these things are going to disappear. Here are four of these things.
HUGE MENUS
Diners have it all. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, brunch, after hours breakfast lunch dinner lunch. Cereal. Cake. Steak. Mozza sticks. Cinnamon toast. Perogies and chicken parm and onion on a burger in a burger . Every diner should just be called ‘We got it!’, because they have everything you could even possibly want in there. It’s like being in Richie Rich’s pantry. Sixty two page menu with any type of thing you could think of. And, if for some reason, you scan through this biblically sized thing and DON’T find something you want? A diner will make it for you.
‘Look I’m having a weird day. Possible to get fruit loops in my Monte Cristo sandwich with a bowl of soup?’
‘… Wife leave you for your kids pan flute teacher?’
‘Yeah! How’d you know?’
‘Worked here a long time, man. I’ve seen it all. How would you like your Fruit Loops cooked?’
OPEN 24/7
Can you go to Chili’s at 2am? Is Applebees serving their ‘Bottomless Wing Shrimp Cocktail With Cheese’ at 3:58am? No. Everyone working there has been in a dive bar doing coke for hours at this point. A diner? Buddy. She’s open. Doesn’t matter when you’d like extra crispy bacon with your rice pudding. Diners open and diners got it. Pull in here whenever you want. Lunch at 8am. Dinner at 9am. Waffle made entirely of whipped cream at 1:26am. Who cares. She's open and she’s got it.
EVERY WALK OF LIFE WELCOME
Can you see a guy who’s lived in a van for the last six years sitting at a table next to a table of businessmen at a steakhouse? Will you see a group of drunk college students in a booth beside two women who are on the run from their husbands and met Brad Pitt and will ultimately drive off a cliff at that new seafood restaurant? No. This type of intermingling only happens at a diner. The young. The elderly. The sick. The tired. The construction worker. The lawyer. The newly unemployed and the just had an interview. The people living above ground and the cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers. All walks of life come through these doors.
ALL TYPES OF CONVERSATIONS
Due to the fact that every walk of life comes through here, every type of conversation is being had in here. At all levels as well. Some people are talking about that thing the doctor found on their bag at a VERY loud level, while someone who holds the keys to the universe is whispering them to their friend. You can hear a woman talking to a hitman about killing her ‘lumpy, crumpled dick, absolute loser’ husband, and a guy talking about how he’s going to propose to his ‘unlumpy, non dicked, pretty cool’ girlfriend on your way to the bathroom. Cop talking about the weight of the belt he has to wear, teacher talking about the kid that bit her when she took his Nintendo Switch, the Nintendo Switch sitting alone trying to decide between Key Lime Pie or the BBQ Buster Burger, it’s all here. And it might not be at some point soonish. So get into a diner, at any time, for anything, to talk about everything, today.