2 Chainz and Nancy Grace tag team.

Nancy Grace and 2Chainz talked about legalizing weed. And the winner was? A hit count on YouTube. Neither of these people are in any kind of control over whether or not weed gets legalized. Nancy Grace and 2Chainz talking legalizing weed is like a couple of aunts talking about what the States should do with their soldiers.

'I'll tell you what they should do. Pull the goddamn troops out! And fix everything they destroyed over there!'

"Guys. Your both covered in powdered donuts. They're not coming to you.'

They have no control over the outcome. Either way, Grace and Chainz talked it out. 

People say that 2Chainz held his own in this interview. Of course he did. He's a smart guy. That's not some kind of incredible thing that he can sit down like a human being and talk about a topic. He is smart. Went to college, got good grades. So smart in fact, that he has made a career off of pretending to be stupid. His whole thing to pretend to be this barely can rap, talk about stupidness dude. So people hear and see that, and think, 'that guy is an idiot!' He's not. He knows exactly what is happening. 

And held his own against who? Nancy Grace? People look to Nancy Grace as some sort of intellectual hero? 

'Hey, do you know how far away the stars are from earth?'

"I haven't got a goddamn clue. But I know who does. The one woman on this planet who is smarter and better than just about everyone out here. The one, the only, TV's own, strange mouthed, angry haired, Nancy Grace.'

In this video she's wearing Diddy's jacket from '98, and it's hard to hold his own in this interview? Against a woman talking dumb and looking like Mase?

Weed has to be one of the easiest things to buy drug wise. In America, you ned ID to get cough medicine in a drug store. Cough medicine.

"Hey. Just this 'sniff' Nyquil."

"Do you have ID?"

"For Nyquil? I'm coughing and sneezing. Is that enough ID?"

For weed, there's probably some of it in your couch right now. Other than not locking people up for having weed, legalize it for what? People get it pretty easily. There's no WAY that people who do drugs, if that is their sole offence, should be going to jail. Doesn't make any sense. For that part, sure, legalize it. But for getting it and smoking it, it's pretty legal. You can't smoke it at a NBA game, sure, but you also can't drink out of a glass bottle there either. 

It's such a stupid argument as is. Hard to believe that in 2015 people are still talking about whether this should be legalized. Jesus Christ. There's stronger drugs pumped into the food we eat. 

'Should weed be legalized? Think about the harm done to people!"

'I just took a bite of this burrito from 7/Eleven, and I tested positive for steroids. My nuts shrank. That's not worse?"

Alcohol must just be ECSTATIC when this argument comes around every two weeks. People yelling at each other about a stupid plant while alcohol is throwing people off of highways and starting COUNTless fights at terrible bars all over the world. 

'Man, I thought today was gonna be the day that people started talking about how in the hell I'm still legal when I'm causing more domestic disputes than home wreckers, but BAM! These idiots are back to weed! WEED! I'm sold in grocery stores, and JUST made some fall onto a train track, and they're yelling about weed! Whew. I live another day.'

It doesn't make any kind of sense as an argument at all. But, we still have it. And now, Nancy Grace and 2Chainz, get to the bottom of it, in a segment that should and could have easily been a sketch on SNL. 

Twitter @nathanmacintosh

Spiders. Keeping me out of most of the world.

Well, I just watched a video about the worlds biggest spiders. And that's it. I don't want to go out anymore. I don't want to travel to any lands where I can come across a scary, alien like creature that could take a sandwich out of my hand. 

"This Cubano is delic.... JESUS CHRIST! What in the hell is that?! Take me back to the airport!"

"Don't worry, sir. That's just the giant Sandwichstealing spider. Not dangerous to people."

"Not dangerous? It almost knocked me over!"

Is that stupid? Yes. Does it cut out a lot of places to visit? Yep. A lot of ones I want to go to as well. Brazil? Man. Only place I want to go. But do I really want to see a spider that's bigger than the asses that are around? 

"Look at that girl, man! That's huge!"

"Yeah. We should go tell her there's a spider on her back."

"Yeah. It's blocking her ass."

What's crazy is, most times the smallest spiders are the ones that can kill you. I always thought that living in Canada was great for that. Nothing really crazy in the country that can just sneak into you house and bite you. If something is Canada is coming into your house to bite you, nine out of ten times you will hear it. 

"Shhh. I think I heard something."

"Roooooaaaarrrrrr!"

"Yep. Bear. Let's do this you son of a bitch."

Living in a place with winter, sure, there's snow and ice. There are days when you have to warm up your car before you get into it. That is bad. But it's better than checking your shoes before you put them on so you aren't bit by a tiny thing that can kill you.

"Why does anyone live where it gets cold? What a dumb thing to do. I mean, we can go to the beach whenever we want. Hey, pass me my sho... shake them first! Are you crazy?! There could be an eight legged monster of death in there!"

Before I went to South Africa, I looked up spiders and bugs that can kill you. Found out there's a huge spider that comes out when it rains. It's massive. When I got down there, I asked people about it. I was told not to worry about it at all. Even though it's huge, it's not poisonous. The real spiders to worry about, were tiny spiders. A guy told me that his friend was bitten by a tiny spider, and he lost his pinky finger. Wasn't gonna happen to me. So every night before I went to bed, I checked my room for small spiders. Found them, I apologized and killed them. True. Said 'sorry spider', then killed them. Not worth keeping them alive. I wasn't trying to wake up in a coma.

"What happened to Nathan?"

"Something the size of a penny got him."

"What's a penny?"

"Oh. You were born in 2014, huh? Well, a penny was a coin in Canada that we got rid o..."

"What's a coin?"

"Look, I know we got rid of money completely and that we only use cards now but that's not the point. Nathan is hanging on here by a thread!"

".... What's a thread?"

"I hate you, futuristic, kid! I hate you!"

twitter @nathanmacintosh

Disappearing planes.

Planes are disappearing. And we, are just still walking the earth. Over three hundred people have just disappeared! Just straight up, not here. Checked into the flight, and then turned into a magic act.

"Here's my boarding pass and passport."

"Okay. And you know there's a two drink minimum for the performance?"

"What performance?"

"Oh. You'll see."

These flights that have disappeared recently have been in Southeast Asia, and for some reason in North America, people act as if that means nothing.

"Yeah, it's crazy. But it's over there."

These are planes! Just evaporating! Big planes! Planes that people went on-line, bought a ticket for, and checked into! Gone! That's insane. And we just can't find them? The world has found fugitives who've changed their names and looks, no planes. There's been people who have been found on this planet who have zero internet connection, have lived in isolation forever. No planes. Can't we get some of these same people on the case? 

"Hey, remember when you found that one dude who had a plan to kill the President?"

"Oh yeah. Found him under a rock in Bolivia wearing an 'I'm not THAT guy t-shirt." Brought him right in."

"Okay. Well we need you to do that again. Need you to find over three hundred people, and two planes."

"Woa, woa, woa. Did you say two planes? Over three hundred people? Impossible. That's not a job I can take on."

How can't these be found? Can't we get some actual magicians involved? Everything else that happens, we get people who have experience in that subject to speculate on TV. Obama does something, political analysts are asked about it. Sports? We talk to athletes, former athletes about what's going on. David Copperfield made the Statue Of Liberty disappear once. Where the hell did he send that? Maybe these planes are in the same vortex. Ask him! Magicians should be on TV all day speculating and giving their opinions. 

"Hmmm. Where would I send a plane if I was to make it disappear? Well, there's a warehouse in Jersey with trap doors that I've used a bunch. Maybe there. Oh! Or that weird realm between reality and the other world. I've sent a couple things there and never got them back. Could be there. Warning, if you're going in there? Wear a helmet and bring a bible. That place is SCARY."

Two planes, big planes, just completely disappear in the same year, and we're supposed to still get on planes? Man. I don't like flying as it is. It's not fun, not one part of it, and not only could this thing go down, it could end up nowhere? It's getting hard to follow their rules.

"We are starting our final descent, place your tray table and seat in their upright and locked position."

"Hey, we are lucky to be touching down in a place where people can see and touch us. I'm keeping this table down in celebration! It's a party!"

"Sir, please sit down."

"Are you kidding me? We didn't end up in another dimension? I'm up! I'M UP! See you soon, Buffalo!"

twitter @nathanmacintosh