American news coverage. Jesus.

Recently, there was a shooting in Ottawa. For anyone that doesn't know, and really you should, that is in Canada and is Canada's capital city. A man shot a soldier outside of a memorial in front of Parliament Hill. The soldier was killed, and the shooter was also killed by police. I heard about this through twitter, while I was in New York. The day before I was in Toronto, and I was really wondering what the coverage of this would be like in Canada. Because I saw the coverage here in America, and woa buddy, what a ridiculous thing it was to watch.

First of all, the news here does nothing, not one thing to make people be calm about an incident. Every thing is, 'This happened here, so you know damn well it could happen to you! Bolt your doors! Grab a gun, your kids, your kids gun, and look suspiciously at every single person you don't know or think that you know! ANYONE can be a person who can do the thing or have the disease or be the tiger that we are talking about today. Brace yourself!" There is no, 'Hey. This happened, but let's all remain calm." It's almost as if every news story is some wacky comedy where somebody says not to panic, and that person is trampled beyond belief by people who don't care about that at all. 

All of the footage I saw on American TV was police running. That was it. Police running. Just cops, running through Parliament. Why would they do that? Why would that be what is shown? Probably so that people at home go, 'Jesus, cops are moving fast! Something crazy must be going on there!' It was just cops running! Or cops holding guns. Yes, they have guns. Cops in Canada have guns. That is part of being a cop. But do you have to just show the most frantic parts of a situation? Why not just have a guy screaming at the camera?

"We're going live to the situation. What's happening down there at the bank?"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"Well, there you have it. Total fear and panic."

Also, most times people in America do not care at all about what is happening in Canada. We either have to have a mayor do crack or a soldier be shot for America to even mention Canada. And why were they talking about the shooting in Ottawa? From what I could tell, it was to scare Americans. The general feeling was that, 'Hey, guys. If it can happen in Canada, something BIG is coming our way." American TV was asking questions like, 'Is this a terrorist attack? Should we be alarmed?" What the hell are you talking about? Why in the hell just not talk about what is, not what this might be?

"Rain predicted for tonight. Is it the end of the world? Will it be acid rain? Are aliens urinating on us? Get scared!"

It's done only to make people afraid. Just to make people sit at home and freak out over what might happen. There were three or four reporters/journalists/whatever sitting around tables on TV, talking about what could be going on in Canada. Just people, who have nothing to do with Canada, talking about a shooting in Canada and speculating on what it could be.

"Does this mean America has to worry? Should we be worried that terrorists are attacking from the top down?"

Why does 'terrorists' have to be thrown right in there? Is that the answer to everything?

"And for a thousand dollars, who was the first man to eve...

"Terrorist!"

"What?! Where?! Shows cancelled. Nobody wins. There's a terrorist somewhere!"

News in America is a haunted house that never let's up. The minute you step in, people are chasing you with chainsaws and throwing bats at you. You think around the next corner it will calm down, but it doesn't. 

College Sports. I can't.

Maybe it's because I'm from Canada, but I am not a fan of college sports. Sports, I like. College sports? Can't do it. Is it because I didn't go to a college in the states with a team? Maybe. Is it because I'm not from a town in the states that has a college team? Possibly. Is it because I find it really hard to watch someone who has homework due play a sport? Or watching people play who I know had to finish homework to do it?

"Nice touchdown, man!"

"Thanks! You like that, you would LOVE the essay on badgers I wrote to be able to do it! You know badgers like to burrow? I do, and that's why I was here to get this touchdown! I'd like to thank Mr. Williamson for giving me a good grade."

There's no god to thanks for college players. Just teachers and study partners. Either way, I'm not into it. 

I'll never understand having college sports on prime time TV. Friday night at 9pm. A time when other athletes are playing for millions? When real leagues have actuals teams playing for actual things? Having college sports on at 9pm when there are pro sports on is like having a movie that was made for a school project playing in a theatre beside hollywood movies.

People say that college sports are professional. If they were professional, they would be paid. There's no pilots flying for no money. No cops out there for the love of the game. Pros get paid. I do know though that that's not players fault. It's pretty amazing to me really that these college players don't get paid. They bring in so much money. They should be paid. Or at least, for the people who are not their on sports scholarships, should have some money taken off of their tuition. Something! Look, I don't want to watch them, but people are, people do, and they generate millions of dollars. Some of the time the justification is that they are going to school for nothing. Because your school is great you don't have to pay them? Why doesn't McDonalds do that?

"Look, drive-thru guy, you will not be paid. Why? Because we are giving you the opportunity to work with a great company. We are known worldwide! And you can be a part of that! And you want to be paid? Wow. SOMEone is a little selfish."

Fans of college sports, I get. But, if you have student loans, stop cheering for your old school's sports teams. It doesn't make sense. These loans are the reason you can't get the car you really want and you still wave a banner for them in the air? It's the same as having credit card debt and cheering for Visa commercials.

“Yeah, Visa! Way to go! You bug me to pay you all the time, but look at that nineteen percent interest rate! Wooooo!”

Unless the school knocks a couple hundred bucks off your loan when you cheer, or a few thousand to start the wave, you shouldn't be doing it. Your alma-mater is not your alma-mother. The love doesn't have to be un-conditional.

And if you are going to cheer, why buy a hundred and twenty-five dollar hoodie and a twenty-five dollar hat to wear at the games? You already paid hundreds or even thousands of dollars for books that only get used occasionally. Show up to the game with a math textbook! Wave that around in the air.

“2, 4, 6, 8! I learned how to count because of this book!”

These text books need a couple more uses anyway other than taking up space in the bottom of a bag and being an 'I'm supposed to be studying but I'm really tired right now' pillow.

Colleges want you to go to the games, want you to support the teams, but there's no credit given for doing so. Shouldn't there be? You take the time to support the school, you should be given a mark for that. Mostly because students and teachers will have something to say about it whether you go or not. Students will say,

“Hey, did you go to the game?” “I couldn't. I was studying.” “Loser.”

Teachers will say, “Hey, did you do that assignment?” “I couldn't. I was at the game.” “Loser.”

Why do students have to pay to get into these games? Didn't they already pay to go to school? Do you have to pay to join the chess club? Or pay to sit in the student activities center on your phone? Paying for school then paying for school sporting events is like paying to get into a club and then paying to be able to approach that girl or guy you want to talk to. Actually, those clubs exist. They're called strip clubs. And the difference between strippers and college athletes? Strippers get paid.

Twitter @nathanmacintosh

Take out your phone.

I'm not a fan of videos of people being hurt, or falling down, or being kicked, or in fights, or whatever. I don't like when people try to show them to me. I do not understand why people feel the need to take out their phone and record every time there's a car crash, gas explosion, fire, skateboard accident, drunk fight, domestic dispute, dog being cooked in car, acid thrown, crucifixion, cat fight, real cat fight, baby mauling, highway collapse, failed stunt, hockey dad fight, referee argument, kid telling a mom to fuck off, mom telling a kid to fuck off, fat guy at a baseball game, mauling by tiger or bus fight. What makes people INSTANTLY go for their phone?

"Holy hell! Look at that! I'm about to be eaten by a bear! iPhone video don't fail me now. Gotta get this for my wall! Ahhhhh, I'm being eaten! Ahhhhh, my phone is working! Yessss! Ahhhh!"

Why is that the first reaction? Why is it never to help the people who are the fighting? The guy being kicked in the head? The baby that fell onto the subway tracks? And if you're not going to do that, just walk away. Just walk the hell away. Either help, or just turn your back. The third option of taking out the phone and recording is strange. 

"Look at that. Woman fell down a flight of stairs. My phone has thirty two gigs on it, I'm only using nine, time to add a couple more to it. Keep holding your knee, woman! I'm taping!"

Why the video? You have to pretend to be a journalist on call that just stumbled across a story? 

"Good thing I was here! Who was gonna tape this cyclist crashing in a dumpster? I don't see Anderson Cooper anywhere. It's up to me. The journalist to end them all, Mark."

Instantly going to your phone to take a video of something you see is weird. Another thing? Taking pictures of strangers and making fun of them. Maaaaaaaaaaann.

"Hey. I took a picture of this stranger who was doing nothing on this bus. Why? I think what they are wearing is stupid. Or what they are reading. Or how they are sitting. Or that they are sleeping. Or that they have weird hair. Or that they are old. Or that they are strange. Either way, look at me. I'm cool and great because I point out what's 'wrong' with other people. Like me because I am making fun of others."

Taking pictures of people you don't know and making fun of them makes you, yes you, a human piece of garbage. Pretty simple. 

I think people do the videos and pictures to be cool. If you can make fun of someone else, you are higher to some degree than they are. You have elevated yourself above. But another reason I think, is that we panic that we don't have enough stuff to show people on-line. Gotta have things to post on-line, or you are pretty much dead. And if you don't have thoughts or opinions, what else is there? Somebody with cheese on their shirt sitting on a bench? Perfect! A guy kicking his car because he locked his keys in it? Hurrah! 

"I NEED things to post, but I don't have any thoughts on anything that other people don't already have thoughts on! I think the Beatles are the best band. Kanye sucks. Big asses are good. I mean what else is there? NObody has seen this idiot yet. On-line you go, dumb hat!"

It's either that, or you just want the video. And if that's what it's for,  you're gonna watch that video again of a couple arguing in the street? Are you a murderer? Why in the hell would you have that? Why would you EVER go back and watch that video? Answer is, you won't. You wouldn't. You just have it because the natural reaction is to trap the moment on a phone. 

One thing that makes me mad about it is that the same people that say we're all the same, we're all equal, are also the same people who will send these videos and photos around.

"We're all the same. We're all equal. Everyone should be treated fair. Yo, you see this video of a mom falling down a flight of stairs holding her kids? So funny!"

If we're all equal, that's everyone! Those are people who are drunk and fighting. Those are people who crash their bike into a McDonald's truck. That is everyone. We are all everyone. For some reason it is alright to tape people you don't know. We've made it not right over the last bunch of years to yell at women in the street you don't know. Cat calling has become a bad thing. Well, always was but now it's at least pretty looked down upon. But, if that woman is hit by a bird, you can tape it? Can't tape a woman walking down the street. CAN tape a woman falling down a street and show it to the world. Interesting. 

When did the whole world become America's Funniest Home Videos? EVERYONE has a video of a wedding disaster or a bike fail to show you. EVERY show on daytime television has a section where they watch some video of some person doing something stupid, or falling, or getting into a fight, or saying something dumb. Just about every single one. 

"Alright, today Michelle Obama is going to be joining us. But before that, here's a video of a woman getting her head caught in a drive thru window. We don't have ten thousand dollars to hand out, but we will still laugh at this!"

How the hell did that happen? Was America's Funniest Home Videos the most ground breaking show of all time? There are so many great things in the world. Every once in awhile someone will show you a video of something good. An animal doing something. Somebody dancing or playing an instrument crazy well. Those are few and far between, and between, there's a picture of a human being just being a human being on a bus. 

Twitter @nathanmacintosh