Nathan Macintosh

Welcome to the website for comedian Nathan Macintosh! 

You can find show dates, Videos, Blog, Instagram, Twitter, Album 'I Wasn't Talking', and Podcast 'Positive Anger' 

http://apple.co/1XJ7raY

 

For bookings contact:

Don Buchwald And Associates: 

New York Office

Conan Smith: (212) 867-1200

 

College Sports. I can't.

Maybe it's because I'm from Canada, but I am not a fan of college sports. Sports, I like. College sports? Can't do it. Is it because I didn't go to a college in the states with a team? Maybe. Is it because I'm not from a town in the states that has a college team? Possibly. Is it because I find it really hard to watch someone who has homework due play a sport? Or watching people play who I know had to finish homework to do it?

"Nice touchdown, man!"

"Thanks! You like that, you would LOVE the essay on badgers I wrote to be able to do it! You know badgers like to burrow? I do, and that's why I was here to get this touchdown! I'd like to thank Mr. Williamson for giving me a good grade."

There's no god to thanks for college players. Just teachers and study partners. Either way, I'm not into it. 

I'll never understand having college sports on prime time TV. Friday night at 9pm. A time when other athletes are playing for millions? When real leagues have actuals teams playing for actual things? Having college sports on at 9pm when there are pro sports on is like having a movie that was made for a school project playing in a theatre beside hollywood movies.

People say that college sports are professional. If they were professional, they would be paid. There's no pilots flying for no money. No cops out there for the love of the game. Pros get paid. I do know though that that's not players fault. It's pretty amazing to me really that these college players don't get paid. They bring in so much money. They should be paid. Or at least, for the people who are not their on sports scholarships, should have some money taken off of their tuition. Something! Look, I don't want to watch them, but people are, people do, and they generate millions of dollars. Some of the time the justification is that they are going to school for nothing. Because your school is great you don't have to pay them? Why doesn't McDonalds do that?

"Look, drive-thru guy, you will not be paid. Why? Because we are giving you the opportunity to work with a great company. We are known worldwide! And you can be a part of that! And you want to be paid? Wow. SOMEone is a little selfish."

Fans of college sports, I get. But, if you have student loans, stop cheering for your old school's sports teams. It doesn't make sense. These loans are the reason you can't get the car you really want and you still wave a banner for them in the air? It's the same as having credit card debt and cheering for Visa commercials.

“Yeah, Visa! Way to go! You bug me to pay you all the time, but look at that nineteen percent interest rate! Wooooo!”

Unless the school knocks a couple hundred bucks off your loan when you cheer, or a few thousand to start the wave, you shouldn't be doing it. Your alma-mater is not your alma-mother. The love doesn't have to be un-conditional.

And if you are going to cheer, why buy a hundred and twenty-five dollar hoodie and a twenty-five dollar hat to wear at the games? You already paid hundreds or even thousands of dollars for books that only get used occasionally. Show up to the game with a math textbook! Wave that around in the air.

“2, 4, 6, 8! I learned how to count because of this book!”

These text books need a couple more uses anyway other than taking up space in the bottom of a bag and being an 'I'm supposed to be studying but I'm really tired right now' pillow.

Colleges want you to go to the games, want you to support the teams, but there's no credit given for doing so. Shouldn't there be? You take the time to support the school, you should be given a mark for that. Mostly because students and teachers will have something to say about it whether you go or not. Students will say,

“Hey, did you go to the game?” “I couldn't. I was studying.” “Loser.”

Teachers will say, “Hey, did you do that assignment?” “I couldn't. I was at the game.” “Loser.”

Why do students have to pay to get into these games? Didn't they already pay to go to school? Do you have to pay to join the chess club? Or pay to sit in the student activities center on your phone? Paying for school then paying for school sporting events is like paying to get into a club and then paying to be able to approach that girl or guy you want to talk to. Actually, those clubs exist. They're called strip clubs. And the difference between strippers and college athletes? Strippers get paid.

Twitter @nathanmacintosh

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