Some people hate wrestling. Why?

Last weekend, I went to WrestleMania. Now, granted, I would have preferred to go as a kid. That was when I watched wrestling, and when I had more of an idea of what was going on. A friend of mine who never stopped watching, asked me if I wanted to go as it was in New Jersey this year. Even though I haven't watched wrestling in years, I agreed. I started watching again so I would have some idea of what was happening at Mania. It's not like NASCAR. There are storylines.

"Hey, why is number 49 trying to drive faster than number 17? Did 17 sleep with his wife?"

"I don't think so. He has to drive faster to win."

"Huh. I find the wife-sleeping story more interesting. Drive, number 49! He really gave it to her!"

WrestleMania was an amazing time, but since then, I've heard a lot of people say they hate wrestling.

One of the main arguments towards why people don't like it is that it's fake. People like to say that as if it's the first time you've ever heard it.

"Why would you watch that, man? He's not actually hitting him. Don't you know this is staged?"

Buddy, it's 2013. Everyone knows that wrestling is fake. To tell someone that they shouldn't like wrestling because it's fake today? You're the idiot here. It's like telling someone magic isn't real.

"Tada!"

"You didn't ACTUALLY make that card disappear. It's probably in your sleeve."

"... Your imagination is awful."

Who cares if it's fake? Is everything you watch real? Are you actually at war when you play Call of Duty? Is the Phantom of the Opera REALLY in that Broadway show? Is Dr. Who a documentary?

"Man, I love Dr. Who. The way he destroys these daleks. I'd love to meet him one day."

"...You mean the actor who plays him? He's not real, man."

"WHAT!? Actor? No! But he's right there! I can see him! Look, he's right there!"

Why is it so hard to suspend disbelief when it's wrestling? It is theatre with fighting. That is all.

People have no problem telling fans of wrestling that they're stupid. A lot of people feel that they are above wrestling, while there is a lot worse entertainment out there.

"Wrestling? That's insane. I watch The Voice, Can You Cut, Splash, Can You Splash, So You Think You Can Weld And Skateboard At The Same Time, Dancing With Eagles, Cook Your Face, Single Moms Of Kentucky, Wal-Mart Wars, and The Bachelor, but wrestling? That's just stupid."

Some people really don't like wrestling fans, but just about everyone likes at least ONE wrestler. You'd tell a guy wrestling is dumb, but see a wrestler you like and freak out.

"You like wrestling? That's some of the stupidest junk that ther... wait, is that The Rock? Rock! You're the best, Rock! I've seen like four of your movies!"

Why are wrestling fans thought of as some of the worst human beings on the planet? Because of how they dress? Just the simple fact that they like wrestling? Have you looked at EVERY fan of ANYTHING else? If you did, you'd probably be embarrassed at what you like.

"Oh my God. HE likes basketball? I can't be seen watching this junk. Guess I'll have to watch professional glass eating. Something only real cool guys watch."

If you went to hear an amazing lecture, one that was really intelligent and captivating, would it be deemed useless if the person who delivered it was a wrestling fan?

"Wow, that was really smart and engaging. I'm happy I got to hear it."

"Yeah. You know he's a wrestling fan, right?"

"What? A wrestling fan? Well, that changes everything he said. What a complete idiot!"

One great thing about wrestling, if you like it, and you go to it live, you get to experience it with thousands of screaming fans. No joke, live, wrestling is fantastic. People are yelling, chanting, screaming. And I would bet that it almost never turns violent. Why? Because people know it's fake! There's nothing to get serious about. It's fun. I went to a Devils game the night before Mania in Jersey and watched two guys argue with each other until they got kicked out. Why? Because apparently, hockey is a deadly serious issue.

"You don't like my team? You're a piece of trash and I wanna fight you."

"Oh yeah, man? Why don't you drop your foam finger and come say that to my face!"

No reason for that to happen at wrestling. And if you are just interested in TV shows, you will NEVER get the experience of being in a stadium with tons of fans to see them. Will Breaking Bad ever be shown to 80,000 people live?

"Ladies and Gentleman, thank you for coming to Breaking Bad live!"

"Get him, Walter! You're the one who knocks!"

"Shhhhhhh!"

"Shut up, loser! I'm trying to watch the show! And hey, buddy, can you put down your sign that says 'Jesse Forever!' I can't see! Oh, God. The wave? I'm trying to concentrate."

You can't chant at someone else when they invite you over to watch a show.

"Thanks for coming, guys. Oh! The show's starting!"

"LET'S GO, GAME OF THRONES! <Clap, clap, clap clap clap> LET'S GO, GAME O... nobody?"

"...Please leave."

ANYTHING you like is considered stupid to somebody else. That's just how things work.

"I love Breton crackers."

"What are you, dumb? They're too big. They don't make cheese in a shape that would go on a Breton cracker. Round cracker, square cheese. Honestly, it's insane."

Everything is stupid to somebody, but you have to like something.

Twitter @nathanmacintosh

The world is overpopulated?

Over the last couple of years, I've been in conversations with people about the earth's overpopulation. Apparently, there are too many of us. Yep, that's right. Some of us just should not, or are not supposed to be here. Were YOU the one to tip the scale? The kid you had?

"And today's top story, the Hermans had a little baby boy today. Why is this a top story? Well, because newborn Chris Herman has pushed the earth's population into the unlivable. Oh, wait! This just in, an old woman was beaten to death for her change purse on a Wisconsin interstate. We are back to a livable number."

Why just people? There are a lot of dogs. Maybe there are too many dogs. Do you have a dog? Maybe it's time to throw that dog into the street and get the numbers down.

"You've always been good to me, Sparkles, but there's just too many of you. I'll try to make sure you land on a car when I throw you off the balcony."

"Arrrfffff!"

Are there really too many people on the planet? I think it's an excuse.

People use the overpopulation argument as an excuse to not have kids. I've heard people say they're not having kids because there are too many people on earth. Wow. You're taking that upon yourself, Captain Planet? Were you planning on having as many kids as there are residents of Cleveland? No? Then not having one kid probably isn't going to help very much.

"So that future generations don't have to stand on each other, I'm not going to have kids."

"That's great! We could use four hundred thousand less people on the planet."

"Four hundred thousand? What am I, a roach? I was talking about not having one."

"One? You think not having one kid is going to help anything? Listen, man, have the kid. Have three. Hey, Hal! You hear this guy? One kid. One! Hurt the earth more to throw a plastic six-pack holder on the ground. One! Oh, man. That's rich."

"I don't want to have kids because the earth doesn't need anymore." 

Get over yourself. Are you serious? You're doing that for the earth? Just say you don't want kids! You're allowed to think that! Overpopulation seems to be the new 'not ready' for kids.

"Honey, I want to have a baby. We've been together for awhile and I think we're old and mature enough."

"I thought this would come up. Aggghhhh, look. I was in the mall today and there were people everywhere! I'm talking wall-to-wall, 'I-wasn't-alone-in-any-store' people! I just don't think this world needs another face eating at Baskin Robbins."

"So you're saying you can't have a kid because there is no space in the mall?"

"I couldn't even get to the khakis! You know how much I like khakis. I had to just stare at them through people's arms. I just think until it cools down a little bit out there, we should chill."

People say that they don't want to have kids because there's not enough space on the planet. Is it just people taking up all this space? Why not stop Starbucks? There are a lot of those around. They're taking up a lot of space, and you can't even have conversations with them.

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I have a good job, my girl's cool. I just can't get happy. Do you know what I mean, 'building on the corner of Main and Church'?"

"..........."

"Yeah. I don't have any answers either. Hey, have you seen Breaking Bad?"

"..........."

"You are a tough nut to crack, building."

People really don't think there's enough space on the planet?

"Where is everyone gonna go? There are people everywhere. Everywhere! I can't walk down aisle two when I want! I can't even open my car doors. I have to live in my car!"

Where's everyone gonna go? I don't know. Most of Canada? Middle America? There's open space everywhere! I'm sure there is some space in Iceland we could move some people to. Greenland. Newfoundland. Any of the places that end in 'land'. Any place where hunting is a recreational activity, there is space.

"You know, I just went hunting and I didn't see one person. Just a bunch of trees. Offer a tree a beer, see what happens. Rude ass tree just looks at you."

You can actually say there's no space? Have you gone everywhere? You've been all over the world and done censuses? Or did you just go to a crowded area, someone bumped into you and you decided that some people deserve to die?

"Man, I can't believe it. That guy bumped into me and spilled my Jamba Juice all over my shirt. There are too many people on this planet. That guy should be set on fire!"

Just because you saw a lot of people in a McDonalds doesn't mean there isn't space on the planet for everyone. You live in a place where there are tons of people. That doesn't mean there's no space at all.

Overpopulation has apparently also given rise to adoption. People say that they don't want to have kids because there are kids who need to be adopted.

"There are tons of kids out there. Do I REALLY need to have my own? Some mother had one, tossed it in a dumpster. One mother's trash is another mother's high school graduate. I'll just dust this one off and raise it."

"Really? It has a beef jerky wrapper stuck to it."

"I said I'll dust it off."

Sure, there are kids out there who need to be raised. That's good of you to do it. But if you're gonna do it, just do it! There's no need for the reason, definitely if the reason is overpopulation.

If overpopulation is even a legitimate argument, then we should find a way to make kids that isn't so fun. Right now? The activity is amazing. Sex is great. Maybe just change the name from sex. That might get people to calm down on wanting to do it.

"Yo, you see that girl over there, man?"

"Yeah. She's hot."

"I wanna 'maybe make a baby' with her tonight'."

"...Are you sure?"

"...Yeah, you're right. Let's just go get some sex."

"Waffles?"

"Waffles."

The overpopulation argument suggests that we should start thinning people out. That we have to control this. Really? We're just gonna decide who stays and who goes? Who's able to have kids and who isn't? Where do we start, bud? What's the application like to be on of the 'people who are not blown away just for being born' list?

"Here is your application."

"Hmmm. Question one. Have you ever liked a tweet, but didn't retweet it just because you were angry about how good it was? Well, sure. Once or twice."

"You have failed. We do not want your kind here. Please throw yourself off of that cliff."

Here's a quick way to see if you would be on the list if we started thinning people out. If you've talked about overpopulation at a bar, you are NOT on the list. You are not on the ship. Neither am I. If thinning people out is because of overpopulation is an actual conversation being had, it's taking place between billionaires behind move away bookshelves. Not over Pabst Blue Ribbon on patio furniture.

Twitter @nathanmacintosh

If you're between fourteen and twenty five, the world is for you.

I have gotten mad over the years about remakes of movies and music. I just can't help but get angry. Sometimes I stop dead in the middle of a theatre hallway, almost dropping my popcorn, staring at a poster for a movie that I know came out when I was a kid. Have I gone back in time? Was there a portal I stepped through at the ticket ripping station?

"Ticket, sir... your movie is right through this swirling vortex and to the right. You might want to leave your watch here. The vortex doesn't treat them nice."

Nope. It's a poster for a remake. A remake of a very popular movie. Why remake a movie that was good in the first place?

"Let's remake Total Recall."

"Why? The first one was great. Shouldn't we remake a movie that flopped? Let's take a second crack at The Love Guru."

"Ugh. Why? I hated that movie."

"Exactly!"

I realized, though, there is nothing to be mad at. If I live long enough, I'll see this happen three or four times. That's how it seems to be. Everything that was once popular just keeps getting made. Movies, music, clothing. All of it.

Everything that was once popular gets recycled so that fourteen to twenty five year olds can be entertained. Everyone in that age group seems to be entertained by the same things. The same way that babies are. You know how it was figured out years ago that a rattle would keep a baby entertained, therefore we kept making the rattle and parents kept buying the rattle? Same idea. We figured out musically and movie wise what would keep fourteen to twenty five years olds entertained as well, and we keep using it, just changing the packaging a bit.

"Quick! This fifteen year old is getting bored. What can we do?!"

"Well, when I was fifteen and bored, I listened to Madonna."

"Hmmm, it's good stuff, but Madonna looks like the woman that cleaned my hotel room. Anyone younger doing something similar?"

"Yeah, actually!  Lady Gaga."

"Woa. La..dy...Ga...Ga. Huh. Sounds younger. No more super pouty fifteen year old! Now just pouty."

Right now, Justin Bieber is massive, but he's been here before. In the nineties his equivalent for people between fourteen and twenty-five was the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync. In the eighties, it was Debbie Gibson and Tiffany. It's all the same. Backstreet Boys now would be considered old men to the new generation. One day, though, that'll be the same with Justin Bieber.

"Hey, kids! You want to go see Justin Bieber this weekend?"

"Wow, Dad. What is he, like, thirty-eight now? It's 2034. He's probably had hip replacements. Why don't you just take us to the Carousel of Progress?"

"...That was gonna be my second option. (<Looks at himself in the rearview mirror>) You thought you were a cool dad, huh? You're a damn failure!"

Basically the same artists come along every couple of years. Right down to the look. Bieber wore overalls with one strap hanging down. Do we remember just about every RnB singer with that album cover from the nineties? It was almost a prerequisite.

"Okay. You've got the look, the voice and the music. But something just isn't quite right... I got it! You don't have your obligatory 'overall, one strap down while looking off into the distance' album cover! It says, 'I'm good with my hands AND what I got downstairs'."

"But I wear suits. I don't think that look will work for me."

"Do you want to look sexy and dangerous? Do you want to survive the nineties? One strap down, bud."

The only thing that gets said now is that the 'new' people took what the older generation did and reinvented it.

"This new generation of pop stars have really reinvented the genre."

Reinvented it? What does that mean? They made new instruments and sounds? They found a new way for ears to hear things? They sing in a way that no one has sung before?

"I can't use these instruments to make this music. EVERYONE uses these."

"What do you suggest?"

"Hmmm. Boil down this guitar, drum sets, saxophone and piano together. Let the rubble cool down, and then freeze it for two weeks. Let it thaw out and THAT'S the instrument I'll use."

"But I just bought this guitar."

"Boil it!"

Even ads are for the thirteen to twenty-five market. If the ad isn't, the ad is telling an older person how they can and should be younger.

"Remember when you were nineteen? Well, so does Oil of Olay. You grew up, but that can change. Your face doesn't have to look like a trucker's back. Now, we have invented a cream that tells Father Time to suck it, and brings youth back to that old hacky sack with lips you carry around on your head. Oil Of Olay, your age is gross."

The only ads for older people are about not being able to get to the bathroom or retirement.

"Hey. Are you old? Almost dead? Can you feel the Grim Reaper in the room with you at all times, just waiting for you to make a mistake at the top of the basement stairs? Scary, huh? Though, not nearly as scary as what you'll do ten years from now if you don't have any money! Here at Citibank, we want to make sure that if the Grim Reaper is watching you, it's while you're buying drinks in Miami for younger women. Who knows. Maybe he'll wing man? Invest with Citibank. Pass with cash."

Right now, it's the coolest thing in the world for people under twenty-five to dress the way that people my age did in the nineties. High top fades, t-shirts with Steve Urkel on them, high top sneakers. Basically, the wardrobe that was used for Do The Right Thing and White Men Can't Jump has been copied thousands of times and sent back out to people. 

The best part is, people who are that age think you're a loser if you don't wear it now.

"Oh, a fitted hat? Naw, man. We do snapbacks over here."

"Yeah, I wore those already. When I was a kid. In the nineties. They came out for us. Matter of fact, you're wearing a hat I had in grade three! That's my hat!"

"I bought this "

"No. That stuff was made for me already. I already did it!"

If you have a younger brother or sister, clothes and toys are passed down to them. It's as if the world is doing that with music and movies. Pop culture is 'hand me down'.

"Hey, don't throw out that movie idea. What, you're the ONLY group of fourteen to twenty five year olds that gets to see Top Gun? Not all of them have seen it yet. They're still being born! When you're done with it, make a newer one for the next generation."
"Ah, man, couldn't they just watch the old Top Gun?"
"Look, they need actors in it they can relate to. Did YOU want to watch and old Top Gun? Would you have watched Top Gun if it starred Charleton Heston?"
"... No, ma'am."

Twitter @nathanmacintosh