Everything fun is stupid.

I'm one of the first to comment on rap music. I'll be one of the first to say that it's stupid, but that doesn't mean that it's bad. People say they hate rap music now because it's stupid. Sure. A lot of it is stupid. That guy just rhymed pizza with couch. Nobody can say that's smart.

"Does anyone have an answer for the question on the board?"

"Pizza couch!"

"... Who founded America?... Pizza couch. Not correct by any stretch but hey, made me feel good!"

I get it. It's dumb. But it's fun. What's the alternative? Only lyrics? Just solid lyrical ability? I mean there's a lot of pop music that is trash. That hasn't always been the case. What if we just make all music classical?

"You got a ten dollar bill put your hand up! You got a twenty dollar bill put your hand up! If you got a powered wig on put your hang up! Alright, all the gentleman in the place, if you're ready to hear Bach, make some nooooiiissseeeee!"

Yes, a lot of rap is stupid. But everything that is fun is stupid. Don't believe me? Here's some things. That are stupid. 

Roller coasters - What a stupid thing to do to yourself. Roller coasters go upwards of 90mph, twisting and turning on metal, or WOODEN track. Sometimes your legs are dangling and swinging through the air. You could possibly lose on. It's happened. Or be thrown from this thing and land in the parking lot. MAYBE that didn't happen, but similar things have happened. Is that dumb? Yes! Is it fun? Yes! Fun as hell! Nobody complains about roller coasters being stupid, though. Nobody says, 'Man, this is dumb. Not one lyrical thing on this at all. I didn't hear ONE line about how the illuminati is FOR SURE a thing. Back to Nas for me."

Un protected sex - I mean, is anything more fun? Having sex with a human being with nothing blocking you and their business? What a great thing. Who wants to put a bag on their junk? Who wants to have a junk that's in a bag be inserted into their business? Well, people, but only because we should. It's good for us to do. But man, not doing it? THAT'S some fun. But how stupid is it? Almost the most stupid. You can get a disease, you can get a kid. You could have a diseased kid with some animal who you barely know. All of that, and we still have un protected sex. Why? Fun! Fun, dammit! And because sometimes you just can't get to a condom, and we're animals, it happens. Does that make it smart? Never. But nobody says anything about this. Nobody says, 'Man, this is dumb. I put my un covered penis into an uncovered woman, and I didn't hear ONE lyric about how hard it is growing up poor. Not ONE. Well, back to Nas for me."

Drinking - I mean, seriously. Does this even need to be talked about? Drinking is a very stupid thing. People fight because of alcohol, they crash cars, have un-protected sex (see above), and say things they don't mean. People climb stupid things and fall off while drinking. People call people they should not call while drinking. But nobody ever talks about this being dumb. Nobody ever is drunk, gets a call from a drunk person and says, 'Man, this is DUMB. You haven't said ONE real thing about how the government treats us. NOT....ONE. You just keep saying we should get back together. Say ONE line about Republicans and maybe.... No? Well, back to Nas for me." (Hangs up. Pauses. Throws up. Pauses. Passes out.)

There's a whole bunch of other fun things that are dumb. Cliff diving, white water rafting, rock climbing, racing in your car, donuts in your car, driving through mud in your car, wrestling, watching wrestling, going to wrestling, watching wrestling in your car. A ton of things. Point is, they're all fun. And fun is stupid.

Twitter @nathanmacintosh

Tindr. Talent. Texting.

I'm not on Tindr, but I, like all of us, know a bunch of people that are. Why am I not on Tindr? Because I don't have an umbrella for all the pussy that would rain on me if I was! No. I have a girlfriend. Would I go on it? Sure. Maybe. Probably. I mean, even if I met someone out in the world, they are probably going to be on Tindr. Why not just meet them there instead of trying to run into them?

"Woa, I can't believe I met you in a grocery store. That's weird, right? Wait. My phone is going off. It's a notification, telling me that I just matched with you! Well, god. I wish that would have happened earlier. I didn't have to leave the house? Just stupid of me."

I've used some friends of mines Tindr just for fun. A guys Tindr and a girls Tindr. Some things that I've noticed. 

Using a girls Tindr was interesting. First of all, every time I swiped right, which is how you decide whether you like someone, it was a match. What does that say? That there are a lot of guys that just go through and swipe right on every single girl to get more matches. So, it seems that being a girl on Tindr you really have no idea if a guy is into you or is just fishing. Bunch of dumb idiots just throwing nets out there seeing what comes back.

"What are you fishing for?"

"Fish."

"I meant what kind of fish."

"The kind of fish that's fish! Get off my back. I'm hard."

Worst is, when she did have a match was that 90% of the messages guys would send would be nothing.

"Sup."

"Wanna meet?"

"Hey, sexy."

"Yo."

Yo. Just a goddamn yo! Then shortly after that, they'd talk about going to a bar to meet. I started yelling at some of them. 

"You serious? You've said nothing funny, or engaging, or interesting at all, and you want me to meet up with you? Are you insane? You've given nothing!"

If they did write back, they'd write back with some kind of useless, dumb response. Something most times along the lines of 'I like feisty women', or 'you've got some fight in you.' Good for you, man. A person you think is a girl says that what you're saying is garbage and you come back with something that makes it sound like you enjoy dragging women through parking lots by their hair.

Using a guy friend of mines Tindr was also interesting. 99% of the time when a guy matches with a girl, he is the one to send the first message. 99.9% of the time probably. Let's just say all the time. He's messaging first. Cool. That's usually how it works in the streets, so fine. He writes a message, or I would for him, and it would be something about this girls profile or something in her pictures. A sentence that usually involved some sort of question about something fun. What would these girls write back with? Nothing. Nothing that can be considered a human being involved in a conversation, anyway. 

"Oh, you're a model? Me too. Well, hand model. Gotta make this money holding these burgers."

"Lol. Yes."

Yes. Yes! What the hell is that? Is that how you keep a conversation going? One word answers?

"Hmmm. You're resume is amazing. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"Horses."

"... Horses. As you in want to own a horse? Or race horses?"

"Lol. Betch."

"Uh huh. Well... okay."

Live. Laugh. Love. This is what tons of girls put in their profile. Live. Laugh. Love. Are you getting tired of seeing it yet? Or is it making you want to go out there and Live. Laugh. Love. Most times when a girl has Live. Laugh. Love. in her profile, it's all she has. That's it. Not 'I like this or that', just Live. Laugh. Love. Women, for christ sake, put something besides this. We just going with all words that start with L? Cool. They don't always have to be this, though. How about Ladle. Ladder. Lunch.? Or Letter. Lust. Louisiana.? Nothing wrong with those two. 

Walking the earth and listening to people talk about Tindr, it doesn't even seem like they want to date. People seem to just want to tell people about the messages they've sent to each.

"Yo, they said this to me, and then I said this."

"Oh, yeah. That's pretty funny. Are you going on a date with them?"

"Oh, man. They just said 'do you want to meet?', and I was like 'meet who? An owl?' Man, I'm clever."

That's what dating has turned into? People love posting these conversations they've had through on-line dating as well. This has just got to stop. Yes, they can go wrong. No, you are not funny or a hero for posting ones that are weird. 

"Here's what I have to deal with. Some dumb girl said this. Or some disgusting man told me about his dick. Ugh. Why does my life have to be this hard? Or is it? Is this what I REALLY wanted? Something to post on-line so that I look hilarious and cool? Yes, that's it. Dating is not what I'm here for. It's the posts! Look how funny I am!"

After being on both, I think Tindr might have been made to tell people in relationships to stay where they're at. Tindr seems like a cool thing when you're on the inside, but when you're out? It looks like it gets pretty sad, pretty quick. 

Twitter @nathanmacintosh 

Robin Williams.

Very sad to hear about Robin Williams death. Very sad. 

I was lucky enough to see him perform live. While he was filming 'Man Of The Year' in Toronto, he stopped by a bunch of small shows. There was a rumour that he was going to stop by Spirits Open Mic. He did. The host of the show, Jo-anna Downey, told me later that when he came in he introduced himself.

"Hi. I'm Robin Williams."

"I know who you are!"

I thought that was a really nice story. A man who everyone knows, still introducing himself to the host of a bar show in Toronto. Robin went up, in a room that was packed with about ninety people, and did about twenty minutes. 

He was very famous before I was born. I came into a Robin Williams world. I and most people I know grew up on him. First time I can remember seeing him as a kid, was on a rerun of Mork And Mindy. Robin Williams as Mork was reading about Superman. He was upset about Superman's powers. Mork didn't think that his powers were good or strong enough, so he started writing a letter to him. I can't remember exactly what he said in the letter, but as he's writing it, Mindy walked in.

"Mork, where are you sending that letter?"

"Metropolis!"

Man, that made me laugh so hard as a kid. I still love that. I quoted it for years. Metropolis! 

I write this because of the huge talent and influence Robin Williams has been, but also I write this because being a comedian, most of us have problems that a lot of times we try to solve on our own. We put on a front. We pretend that we are fine. We give so much away. Not just going on stage in front of strangers. We give ourselves away when we are down on ourselves because a festival didn't book us, or a show, or movie. Whatever the case may be. We give so much of ourselves to others. We put our happiness in the hands of random chance, an audience, or booker. We doubt ourselves constantly. 

I've been in so many conversations with comedians about being depressed. About being sad that we're not in this position or that. About not being on a certain show. All kinds of things. A lot of times people will say, 'If I was doing this or that, I'd be happy.' Would you? Would being the star of a movie, being super famous, or having tons of money make you happy? Happiness can't only come from the outside. We are shown that time and time again. 

Everyone needs to talk to someone when they need help. There's no reason to face problems on your own.