Nathan Macintosh

Welcome to the website for comedian Nathan Macintosh! 

You can find show dates, Videos, Blog, Instagram, Twitter, Album 'I Wasn't Talking', and Podcast 'Positive Anger' 

http://apple.co/1XJ7raY

 

For bookings contact:

Buchwald And Associates: 

New York Office

Conan Smith: (212) 867-1200

 

Tindr. Talent. Texting.

I'm not on Tindr, but I, like all of us, know a bunch of people that are. Why am I not on Tindr? Because I don't have an umbrella for all the pussy that would rain on me if I was! No. I have a girlfriend. Would I go on it? Sure. Maybe. Probably. I mean, even if I met someone out in the world, they are probably going to be on Tindr. Why not just meet them there instead of trying to run into them?

"Woa, I can't believe I met you in a grocery store. That's weird, right? Wait. My phone is going off. It's a notification, telling me that I just matched with you! Well, god. I wish that would have happened earlier. I didn't have to leave the house? Just stupid of me."

I've used some friends of mines Tindr just for fun. A guys Tindr and a girls Tindr. Some things that I've noticed. 

Using a girls Tindr was interesting. First of all, every time I swiped right, which is how you decide whether you like someone, it was a match. What does that say? That there are a lot of guys that just go through and swipe right on every single girl to get more matches. So, it seems that being a girl on Tindr you really have no idea if a guy is into you or is just fishing. Bunch of dumb idiots just throwing nets out there seeing what comes back.

"What are you fishing for?"

"Fish."

"I meant what kind of fish."

"The kind of fish that's fish! Get off my back. I'm hard."

Worst is, when she did have a match was that 90% of the messages guys would send would be nothing.

"Sup."

"Wanna meet?"

"Hey, sexy."

"Yo."

Yo. Just a goddamn yo! Then shortly after that, they'd talk about going to a bar to meet. I started yelling at some of them. 

"You serious? You've said nothing funny, or engaging, or interesting at all, and you want me to meet up with you? Are you insane? You've given nothing!"

If they did write back, they'd write back with some kind of useless, dumb response. Something most times along the lines of 'I like feisty women', or 'you've got some fight in you.' Good for you, man. A person you think is a girl says that what you're saying is garbage and you come back with something that makes it sound like you enjoy dragging women through parking lots by their hair.

Using a guy friend of mines Tindr was also interesting. 99% of the time when a guy matches with a girl, he is the one to send the first message. 99.9% of the time probably. Let's just say all the time. He's messaging first. Cool. That's usually how it works in the streets, so fine. He writes a message, or I would for him, and it would be something about this girls profile or something in her pictures. A sentence that usually involved some sort of question about something fun. What would these girls write back with? Nothing. Nothing that can be considered a human being involved in a conversation, anyway. 

"Oh, you're a model? Me too. Well, hand model. Gotta make this money holding these burgers."

"Lol. Yes."

Yes. Yes! What the hell is that? Is that how you keep a conversation going? One word answers?

"Hmmm. You're resume is amazing. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"Horses."

"... Horses. As you in want to own a horse? Or race horses?"

"Lol. Betch."

"Uh huh. Well... okay."

Live. Laugh. Love. This is what tons of girls put in their profile. Live. Laugh. Love. Are you getting tired of seeing it yet? Or is it making you want to go out there and Live. Laugh. Love. Most times when a girl has Live. Laugh. Love. in her profile, it's all she has. That's it. Not 'I like this or that', just Live. Laugh. Love. Women, for christ sake, put something besides this. We just going with all words that start with L? Cool. They don't always have to be this, though. How about Ladle. Ladder. Lunch.? Or Letter. Lust. Louisiana.? Nothing wrong with those two. 

Walking the earth and listening to people talk about Tindr, it doesn't even seem like they want to date. People seem to just want to tell people about the messages they've sent to each.

"Yo, they said this to me, and then I said this."

"Oh, yeah. That's pretty funny. Are you going on a date with them?"

"Oh, man. They just said 'do you want to meet?', and I was like 'meet who? An owl?' Man, I'm clever."

That's what dating has turned into? People love posting these conversations they've had through on-line dating as well. This has just got to stop. Yes, they can go wrong. No, you are not funny or a hero for posting ones that are weird. 

"Here's what I have to deal with. Some dumb girl said this. Or some disgusting man told me about his dick. Ugh. Why does my life have to be this hard? Or is it? Is this what I REALLY wanted? Something to post on-line so that I look hilarious and cool? Yes, that's it. Dating is not what I'm here for. It's the posts! Look how funny I am!"

After being on both, I think Tindr might have been made to tell people in relationships to stay where they're at. Tindr seems like a cool thing when you're on the inside, but when you're out? It looks like it gets pretty sad, pretty quick. 

Twitter @nathanmacintosh 

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