3 REASONS TO GET INTO DEBT
If you have a hundred dollars and no debt you could be richer than about 70% of America. One hundred dollars. Owed to nobody. On the bus? You’re richer than that guy in the G Wagon beside you who’s chewing on a cigar and getting screamed at by a woman with a BBL. You do. It doesn’t SEEM like it because you’re on the bus, and the person beside YOU has a dead cat in their hoodie and a live cat in their pants (the size of a BBL but still). You, bus man, bus person, non cigar chewer, with a hundred bucks owed to no one is richer than G Wagon. BUT… that is wrong. That is bad. You’re NOT in debt? What’s wrong with you?! This is debt land. Get into it! Here are four reasons you should get off the bus, walk right to a doctor and overdraft your card for bigger lips.
THOSE PAYDAY LOANS PLACES / APPS
One reason to get into debt? To visit your local ‘Money-O-Gram’, ‘Cheque-Today-Fear-Tomorrow’ or ‘Legal-Loansharking’ building. If you’re not in debt you never see these magical fronts of death. These Greyhound bus station-esque places with lights on way too bright where anger and sadness permeates the walls. Only way to get this experience without going into debt would be to be captured on vacation in a Hostel type situation. OR now, thankfully, with an app. See those commercials? Some smiling dystopian person creepily pitching an app that SENDS YOU MONEY FROM NOWHERE… how could anything go wrong here?
‘I signed up for PayToday and I get my money FAST. PayToday isn’t even mad!’
Voiceover comes on ‘PayToday charges 65% interest on all loans sent to customers and if you don’t pay them back within the SECOND they are due a representative from PayToday will come to your house in a ski mask and smoke every member of your family in the head with a wrench…’ as the woman in the commercial is eating cotton candy and riding a ferris wheel. And you could be that woman, if you try PayToday, TODAY!
CONSTANT FEAR
Who doesn’t love Halloween? The Incredible Hulk ride at Universal Studios? Being in a dark alley with a shrouded figure holding a machete? Wouldn’t you like that feeling ALL the time? Well you can have it with debt. Owe money all over the place, bills start coming around, and man! Emotions are running high! Is that a creditor behind you or the Terrifier? Is that ‘PayToday’ coming to collect or a rapid pitbull with a knife? Doesn’t matter! You’re still sweating and living on the edge! Your adrenaline is running high, and it’s not costing you anything except on average 18.9 percent interest…
BEING IN THE 70%
Who doesn’t like being in a group? Who doesnt’ want to fit in with the most people possible? You want to be one of the three in ten out there? Three? You only have two other people to relate to. What if the other seven want to eat you and those two? How are you three going to fight off seven trying to chomp down on your heads? Get on the other side and do the biting. Being in debt is so normalized that it doesn’t seem like a big deal.
‘You owe $126k?! Wow… that’s it?! I’d KILL someone to owe that tiny, completely easy to get, nothing to worry about amount of money. Me? $258k. I don’t even know what it’s all for hahahhahahahhaha… anyway taking the wife and kids to Cabo AGAIN this weekend. But guess what? ‘PayToday’ isn’t even mad!’
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