Filtering by Category: Money

Port People And Automation

There is currently a Port Strike (like to capitalize it like it’s a guys name. ‘Port Strike! You’re up next in the Street Fighter Tournament!’) along the Eastern seaboard. Maine to Texas. Port workers, dock workers, the guy Rocky was supposed to beat up at his job in the first movie and Cinderella Man (another dock reference) are all on strike. They are on strike for the most part, to fight automation.

‘Well how are they gonna do that? You can’t fight progress you dip chewing dock hog! Get those pants off that ship! I want to look cool for Thanksgiving!’

Whether or not they can fight progress and get a raise on on their apparently $39 an hour jobs is up to time to tell, but the thought of people going on strike to fight machines will happen across all sectors. Happened earlier with the movie and writing industry and it will keep going. ONE DAY some cashiers standing around listening to the AWFUL shrieking of a machine doing their job will go ‘Wait a minute! I could just be DOING that! Not OVERSEEING that! I’m out of here!… wait, no, raise first! Oh, machines already here… okay then I want!… you’re right I’ll get back to overseeing…’

This is why unions would try to fight this now, before automation becomes a rampant thing. Before a long shoreman goes to make a job to a guy he’s working with and it turns out to be a machine.

‘You hear the one about the Priest and the Rabbi walking into The Bunny Ranch?’

‘THIS PARTICULAR AMUSEMENT HAS NOT BEEN PROGRAMMED INTO MY DATABASE…’

‘Okay so a Priest and a Rabbi walk into The Bu…’

‘PUT SEVEN MORE CONTAINERS ON MY BACK I DON’T SLEEP EAT OR COLLECT MONEY…’

There are people out there who get mad at people in unions, or workers in general, going on strike for more money. They do not care whether or not workers get more money, they want their pants! Damn it Thanksgiving is COMING UP and if some pudgy Port pig better get their leg coverings!

‘Just automate the whole thing! A robot isn’t going to not get me my pants. Damn does ANYONE care about these pants?! From JAPAN?! I don’t care if Satan himself gets them off the ship I want ‘em!’

People have said this about the fast food industry as well. CEO’s from major companies have said that if minimum wage goes up, they’ll replace everyone with a robot. Some people go ‘good!’ as if their own industry won’t be affected. As if a robot or AI or Terminator can’t do advertising, or law, or play baseball or work at Denny’s. Even people IN TECH who make the robots that take other people’s job will ONE DAY have their own jobs taken over by their creations.

‘Wait a minute I made robots to do other peoples jobs not MY job! What in the hell is this? I said take over the dickless dock workers NOT super cool and awesome engineer guys with vests! THIS IS A TECHNOLOGICAL TRAVESTY… can I keep the vest? It charges my phone when I rotate in a… SIGH I’ll leave it at the ping pong tables…’

Seemingly the only people who would benefit from full automation are companies. Not humans. A

‘But wait! If they don’t have to pay workers anymore then the prices of things can go down!’

So many products we have now get made outside of North America because companies can pay people in other countries much less than they would have to pay people here. Are iPhones cheaper? Costs about $500 to make an iPhone. That’s not close to what it costs to buy. The manufacturing of a Jordan costs MAYBE $20. Does Nike sell them for $22? Even $30? Get that sweet sweet $10 profit? No. When workers are fully out of the way everywhere, prices for things will not drop drastically because companies are used to the money they are making. They don’t want to make LESS. They want to PAY OUT less.

‘… Okay sure cool cool but can I PLEASE just get my PANTS off of this stupid ship!?’

Yeah man calm down happy early Thanksgiving…

Watch comedy special 'Down With Tech' here!

3 REASONS TO GET INTO DEBT

If you have a hundred dollars and no debt you could be richer than about 70% of America. One hundred dollars. Owed to nobody. On the bus? You’re richer than that guy in the G Wagon beside you who’s chewing on a cigar and getting screamed at by a woman with a BBL. You do. It doesn’t SEEM like it because you’re on the bus, and the person beside YOU has a dead cat in their hoodie and a live cat in their pants (the size of a BBL but still). You, bus man, bus person, non cigar chewer, with a hundred bucks owed to no one is richer than G Wagon. BUT… that is wrong. That is bad. You’re NOT in debt? What’s wrong with you?! This is debt land. Get into it! Here are four reasons you should get off the bus, walk right to a doctor and overdraft your card for bigger lips.

  1. THOSE PAYDAY LOANS PLACES / APPS

    One reason to get into debt? To visit your local ‘Money-O-Gram’, ‘Cheque-Today-Fear-Tomorrow’ or ‘Legal-Loansharking’ building. If you’re not in debt you never see these magical fronts of death. These Greyhound bus station-esque places with lights on way too bright where anger and sadness permeates the walls. Only way to get this experience without going into debt would be to be captured on vacation in a Hostel type situation. OR now, thankfully, with an app. See those commercials? Some smiling dystopian person creepily pitching an app that SENDS YOU MONEY FROM NOWHERE… how could anything go wrong here?

    ‘I signed up for PayToday and I get my money FAST. PayToday isn’t even mad!’

    Voiceover comes on ‘PayToday charges 65% interest on all loans sent to customers and if you don’t pay them back within the SECOND they are due a representative from PayToday will come to your house in a ski mask and smoke every member of your family in the head with a wrench…’ as the woman in the commercial is eating cotton candy and riding a ferris wheel. And you could be that woman, if you try PayToday, TODAY!

  2. CONSTANT FEAR

    Who doesn’t love Halloween? The Incredible Hulk ride at Universal Studios? Being in a dark alley with a shrouded figure holding a machete? Wouldn’t you like that feeling ALL the time? Well you can have it with debt. Owe money all over the place, bills start coming around, and man! Emotions are running high! Is that a creditor behind you or the Terrifier? Is that ‘PayToday’ coming to collect or a rapid pitbull with a knife? Doesn’t matter! You’re still sweating and living on the edge! Your adrenaline is running high, and it’s not costing you anything except on average 18.9 percent interest…

  3. BEING IN THE 70%

    Who doesn’t like being in a group? Who doesnt’ want to fit in with the most people possible? You want to be one of the three in ten out there? Three? You only have two other people to relate to. What if the other seven want to eat you and those two? How are you three going to fight off seven trying to chomp down on your heads? Get on the other side and do the biting. Being in debt is so normalized that it doesn’t seem like a big deal.

    ‘You owe $126k?! Wow… that’s it?! I’d KILL someone to owe that tiny, completely easy to get, nothing to worry about amount of money. Me? $258k. I don’t even know what it’s all for hahahhahahahhaha… anyway taking the wife and kids to Cabo AGAIN this weekend. But guess what? ‘PayToday’ isn’t even mad!’

    Follow me @nathanmacintosh and check special ‘Money Never Wakes’ below named the Best Youtube Special Of 2023 By The New York Times

    Full Stand Up Special 'Money Never Wakes'

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