Everyone Has Anxiety. Stop It.
Been seeing a lot of people on-line with posts detailing how they recently have been diagnosed with anxiety. The posts are full of descriptions of how this completely explains everything! Why they have been weird at parties. Why they’re scared to reach for a grocery cart at the ‘Shop & Toss’. How now they understand that odd feeling they get inside when another human being slips off their Crocs in front of them to ‘rock out with their Croc out…’
‘I’ve finally figured it out! I have anxiety! This one thing solves ME!’
Have you? DO you?! Have you and this doctor finally cracked the code on why you felt a way about going to that Grade 8 dance as a kid? Or. OR. Is it POSSIBLE, you there, anxious Andy, might have what we ALL have? That you’re no different than any person riding a cross town bus with a crotch in their face? That a doctor told you that you WERE a bit different and can treat that difference with a pill?
We’re all anxious. Everyone. At one point in time or another. Being anxious is part of being a human being. We get anxious about first dates, job interviews, posting, walking, thinking, sex, the lack of it, the lack of walking to a job interview for sex while posting. Lots of stuff. Just about EVERYONE gets anxious about going to a party where there will be tons of people they don’t know and have to meet. The only people that don’t are the ones at the party who everyone else is secretly talking about.
‘Who’s Johnny loud mouth beaking in front of the hummus?’
‘Don’t. Know. How many buttons are NOT done up on that shirt?’
And even that guy has anxiety from time to time. His pecs deflate a little? Another button comes undone on that already down to three button shirt? He stares into his creatin filled eyes and feels something.
Anxiety levels of all of us have for sure gone up over the last few years. How could they not? Just about everyone is trying to become a famous influencer/CEO/Chef/Author/Doctor/Gym owner with a fat ass, jaw line that can cut a tomato and a stomach flatter than Saskatchewan. We’re glaring at screens filled with idiots showing us how THEY got their tum down to Regina sizes.
‘I just drank some kind of tea you can buy with this promo code and stopped eating… oh and surgery! But get the tea with promo code ‘I Didn’t Say Those Other Things’! Tummy Tea. You’re food processor will be flatter than a dead guys vitals monitor in no time…’
We’re all seeing what more and more people are doing around the world. Everyone of their (for the most part) pages are the happiest, glowing, ‘look at me and my brother who never fight we just air juggle each other for views’ things. There are eight year old millionaires out there. Child millionaires. Not ONE. MANY.
‘Hi, I’m Kyle. I was literally born yesterday. I made twenty seven million dollars the day before that playing video games with my umbilical cord. I’m sponsored by Mountain Dew and you drink it. You’re over thirty and can’t afford a yacht? Barf on god fam you’re gross get my tea.’
We’re all connected to hell. We’re all more anxious as a result. Nobody is off grid. Even the off grid people! The people who go off grid start YouTube channels detailing their off the gridness!
‘Hey! Welcome back to ‘Out Of Bounds Outhouses’ the channel where we shit on convention! This week, I’m going to show you have to build a toilet out of a pile of sticks and a dead squirrel. Hint, the squirrel is the handle… before we get going I want to thank today’s sponsor, ManScaped! You don’t want to be out here with long bag hair. My first day my packages perm got caught on a rusty gate. Thank god for Manscape!’
Now. The off grid people who live on YouTube. You don’t think they have anxiety? You don’t think they peel their kale shoes off and argue with the other person they talked into believing this was a good idea about ad revenue? About views? About the future of the channel? What are we calling this? Wood disease? Off Grid obsoletism? It’s anxiety. It is two people holding a dead varmint having anxiety about their future. The way we all do.
Then there is a general anxiety of the world itself. Jobs, housing, I mean housing alone!, price of eggs, inflation, that creepy person behind you on the street dragging a katana. All things to have anxiety about at any given time. If you went to a doctor they might prescribe something.
‘The guy was just LUMBERING down the block with a sword! Scratching it on the ground!’
‘Oh wow… and this made you anxious?The next time an angry samurai pulls his weapon down the street behind you, take this pill, you won’t feel a thing.’
There are some people who have problems with anxiety. Some people have been born with anxiety disorders and can be benefited by treatment for it. Collectively all of our anxiety has been on the rise, but we don’t ALL need pills. We’re not ALL at the mercy of an SSRI to make us not feel a way about responding to a text. We don’t all have a full on anxiety problem. We have a ‘living as a human being’ problem. A lot of us have a being on the internet and dealing with the world today problem, and the way to fix that? Well, that’s easy. You just put some money aside maybe if you can and get off social media but that’s ju… oh whatever give me the pills…
