Nathan Macintosh

Album 'To The Point' out now everywhere! 8 Tracks. 21 minutes. Debuted #1 on Canadian iTunes and #12 on American iTunes!

Website for comedian Nathan Macintosh! Seen on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, Conan on TBS and Just For Laughs!

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Filtering by Tag: Robots

Human Like Robots. Do we need them?

Every couple of weeks there is some horrifying, pseudo horror movie footage of robots that scientists have been cooking up in their death labs. Lumbering, unbelievably scary robots stumbling through a bunch of boxes set up to mimic wooded terrain. A giant, creepy robot that is LEARNING to walk the way we do. Am I the only one disturbed by this? They should string these videos together and release them as a horror movie.

'Oct 18th, see the most terrifying thing you'll ever see in your life.'

'Noooo, no! Stop stumbling like that! STOP IT!'

'This Halloween.... The Future!'

Why do we want human robots? For war? Is that the deal?  If we're making them for war, OKAY, but, there's no way they'll be used just for that. No. Way. Drones were apparently made for war, now they're taking pictures of people in their houses, or dropping off packages for Amazon. These human robots will be the same. A robot FedEx driver is coming. I heard recently they are talking about having robotic umpires. Umpires! No more guy who used to watch his dad cry at the ballpark when some of his chili dog splashed onto this favourite jersey. Now, a dead eyed, unfeeling, 'does not care at all' about this game umpire. That would completely destroy play reviews. Would be done.

'Ooooo, robot ump calls that safe, but the teams coach wants a review.'


'Ooooo, and the coach is coming out of the dug out to have a word with this bot from hell. Oh mama! And the robot rips the coach in half! Dear daddy, this game is heated.'

Have we not seen the movies about these things? Do we some how think we are better than writers in Hollywood? So many times, writers have written about some disgustingly gross company making robots that were meant to help people, but alas! The damn human like robot that the disgustingly gross company made wants to eat kids!

Honestly, what is everyone's fascination with seeing things from movies twenty years ago come to life? Video phones. Robot warriors. Devices that do every single thing that can be done. Doesn't it seem that scientists have been hired to make things that we all saw in movies in the 80's?

'Hey, Total Recall was cool? How about making that machine that sends you on vacation without actually sending you on vacation? That didn't have any problems. And woa! You see Terminator? So sweet. Get to making that robot that protected the kid. NOT the other one. To repeat. Helpful, fun, protect a kid bot. NOT death, sharp, liquid metal robot.'

'That 'protect a kid' robot started out as a bad guy, 'kill the kid' robot.'

'Hey, I'm talking, buddy. OH. And what about that ED 209 robot from Robocop?! Get too it, guys. I'll be in my office if you need me, drinking the blood of rare birds.'

Two things are going to be ending up happening with these robots. One, people will have sex with them. That's fact. There is no WAY a human like robot will be made that someone isn't gonna want to hit.

'Woa! Look at this thing. What's it do?'

'This robot cleans your house.'

'Sweeeeet. You can sex it, right?'

'Ah... no. This robot cleans you...'

'Ohhhhh, it'll clean something alright. Clean my DI...!'

'Sir, please. There's kids around.'

'Whatever. Rap up my sex bot. I'll pull my truck around. It'll be the one with the guy who's ROCK HARD in the front.' *slaps robots ass*

These robots will also be used for very menial things. Why? Nobody wants to do anything. Example of that is self driving cars. At first, they were talked about for taking over long haul truck driving. Instead of forcing a person with a soul to drive for DAYS for barely any money, they would be robotic. I'm not for this either. Just treat trucker drivers better. Now though, self driving cars. Why buy a damn car if you aren't going to drive it? 

'Just bought this.'

'How's it drive?'

'Good, man. Just kick my feet up and do NOTHING. I'm on my phone. Where I REALLY want to be. All the time I save not steering this car that I bought? Buddy. I am REALLY getting a lot of texts out.'

People are always talking about wanting more time. Trying to get away from doing life things to have more time. What in the hell do people want to do with all the time that they 'save'? Party? Vacation? The reason you like doing things like these is because there are things that you don't want to do that you have to do to be able to do the things you want to do. The beach isn't the best if you can just go there whenever you want. If you don't have to do anything tedious, the things you really like will become tedious. A lot of time is spent doing things tedious. Grocery shopping, buying clothes, walking to a place. That's life.  Why are we trying to do absolutely nothing? 

'This is so sweet! I have robots that do everything for me. Make food, pick up my kids, have sex with my wife. Now I can do the things I really want to do! Sort these coins. I love sorting coins. Alllllright. Let's do..... Ugh. Sorting coins sucks. Back to my phone.'

That'll be what happens.  We'll use these damn robots to do things for us so that we can play Candy Crush. Guaranteed. But then, people will not want to use their phones. We'll have robots that do that. We'll have robots that check our phones for us, so that we can just sit down and do NOTHING. Just sit down, stare at a wall, and do NOTHING. 

'What's happening on my phone, robot?'


'Ahhhh. I'm chilling.' *goes back to staring at hands.*

These scientist should be stopped. Currently, they are doing two awful things. Creating robots that are not needed and for sure will kill us, and ignoring children they have that will maybe kill them or one of us. 

' i have to make a human like robot.'

'You know that you created an ACTUAL human, right?'

'Yeah, but it runs on blood. Not good enough.'

Go hug the people you created, scientists. Leave the other one you are trying to create alone.