A red head in summer.

Summer again. I love it, but as a red head? Maaaaan, it can get rough. The sun and red heads are not really friends. Sun completely cooks us. We have to wear long clothes and cover our bodies in sun proof liquid to hit the streets. If we don't? Jesus, it can be painful. But it's not just the summer that can burn us. Serious? Yep. Serious. A cloudless, sun filled sky is not the only thing that can do the trick. Here's a list of some other things. 

Sun glaring off the snow.

Now, you may think this doesn't make sense. 'How the hell can someone be burned by the sun in the winter? It's cold! What the hell! These people are freaks!' Okay, calm down. I was shocked by it when I was a kid. But when sun glares off fresh snow? Man. First, you got the actual sun coming down on you, and it's banking off of reflectors on the ground? It's sun from all angles! For a red head it's like walking through a cold tanning bed. 

"What a beautiful day to freeze AND wear sunblock! Thanks, weird gene that makes me this way!"

A 120 watt bulb.

Now, these just ain't cool. I believe all red heads are happy that alternatives have been made. In all seriousness, who the hell needs that many watts? Are you looking for evidence in your living room? Are you hoping to zap away germs? Then scale down the watts a little bit. Or, if no red heads are ever in your house, you do what you want. But, unless you're trying to cook chicken while reading, no one needs a 120 watt bulb. 

"Damn you, ghostrider bulb! A.k.a regular, 120 watt. Burnt!"

Full brightness on iPhones.

Oh, yes. Very real. Even if by some chance the brightness DOESN'T crisp up a red heads skin, the brightness on full will destroy our eyes. Why? We got no damn pigment, which affects how light comes at our faces. My phone is always on the lowest brightness. No one can see it. I'm basically staring at this computer right now at a negative brightness percentage. Full brightness on an iPhone is enough to get a car to stop for you on the side of the highway during a storm at night. Much too bright for the skin and eyes of a red head human. 

"Woa, woa, woa. What do I want the right side of my face to look like it went to Florida? Better turn this down."

Yelling.

Little known fact. If you yell at a red head for a while, they can get burnt. That's how soft this damn skin is. Try it, but don't try it. You yell long enough at a red head, we'll get burned. ot breath hitting us for too long does damage to this already pretty iffy skin. A manager at a job I worked at once yelled at me for so long that my face peeled afterwards. True? No. But, it could be possible. 

"Thank you for putting my face in my shirt to stop the burning! I appreciate it. Hopefully you calm down soon.

Hot shower.

Clean? Sure. Hot showers will make that happen. Burn a read heads skin? Yep. Sometimes a red head will step out of a hot bath and need to apply aloe. The sun lives everywhere for red heads. Even in the tap on the right. This is why most times we shower in the cold. That's right. You've never heard that? We shower in cold water the way a troll might that lives in a cave and has no option as to the type of water that flows through it. And if you already have a burn and step into a hot shower? Double burn. That's where the burn gets burned. You ever see a burned burn? Red head. 

"Yep. Aloe after this one."

Twitter @Nathanmacintosh 

People that should be paid more money.

There are a lot of people out here making a lot of money. Bankers, rappers, Donald Trump. Does everyone who is making a ton of money deserve to be? I think there can be a case made. But, are there people out here not making enough money for what it is they do? Damn right, and here is a short list of them.

1. Pilots.
Man, come on. Pilots? Pilots need more money. Every single time they land, they are saving your life. Every time they take a plane from the air, not throw it into a tail spin that leads to a fiery crash over the woods of Kentucky, land that plane with a couple hundred people on it? Saving lives. These people, sometimes, sometimes not, are making about a hundred grand a year. A hundred grand. A year. To save lives every day. Now, some will say, 'How is landing saving lives? It's them doing their jobs.' Sure, one way to look at it. If someone in a restaurant makes you a great burger, that is them doing their job. If they forget to put pickles on it, you are not in a tube that is about to explode on impact. You see what I'm saying? Pay these damn people more.

"A hundred and forty hours in two weeks... two thousand dollars. Do I fly a chain restaurant?"

2. Truck Drivers.
Wooooaaaaaaa, truck drivers. Truck drivers have had jokes made about them for years. People say they are stupid, useless, fat, ugly, that they kill hookers. Haven't heard those things? Well, you would if you came to my house! Boom! Kidding. We can agree though that they are not looked upon as high level humans. BUT, without truck drivers, we pretty much wouldn't have nothing! Where does produce in the stores come from? How does your iPad make it to your nearest Apple mirrored funhouse? A fat, hooker killing truck driver drove it in. Okay, no more jokes about them being awful. They are great. They bring us everything we need. And how much do they make for this? Not too much. Around fifty grand a year. Fifty grand a year, to bring us things we can't live without! AND, they have to drive hours and hours, not sleep enough, not enough good food on the road, AND they don't get paid well, AND we don't respect them. Absolutely insane. More money to these people.

"My truck is full of food I have to deliver, but I can't afford anything on this menu. That's it. The Texarcana 'Shop And Save is going to be missing some oranges."

3. Cops.
Yes, all rappers hate them. Rappers hate them, which makes kids and white people in their 20's who refuse to mature at all hate them as well.
"Yo, fuck the cops."
"Why? You're a white guy from a suburb. They hurt you in any way?"
"Yeah. One time I was drinking in the woods underage and they took my Colt 45. Fuck these damn cops."
Cops are very necessary. There are for sure some bad cops. But that shouldn't make us hate them all. When we hear about serial killers, or baby eaters, or rapists, who goes after these people? You? A person who likes snap back hats and rolled cuffs on their jeans? You gonna hunt down the baby eating rapists? You gonna throw on one of the capes that Cam'ron made and hit the streets? Doubt it. Cops do. Cops in NY start at about thirty grand a year. After years, they can make around ninety grand a year. Ninety grand a year. To get shot at, stop a guy from cutting his wife's head off, be the first into a house where a child was just ripped in half, AND have everyone hate them. Cops need more money, man.

"Jesus! Yesterday a meth head with a knife, today a boa constrictor? And I can't afford to take the kids to Florida. What the hell?!"

4. McDonald's Employees working night shift.
How in the HELL do people who work at McDonalds from seven am to four pm make as much money as these heros who work from ten pm to five am? HOW? One has a busy shift, and the other has a busy shift while basically being on fire. Saying day shift should make as much as night shift is like saying whoever made the website for the marines should be paid as much as a goddamn marine who goes to war. We ever hear of danger pay? That's what the night shift McDoanlds people should get. Ninety percent of their shift is dealing with people who are too drunk to be anywhere else.
"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. You're too drunk for this place. "
"Whatever. I'm not too drunk for McDonald's. I'll go over there and fight someone for a McFlurry."
McDonald's fight videos are almost always at night. People getting dragged out of the drive thru, getting swung at our a cash register, having people drive through the front window. And THEY don't make more money? Come on! A guy coming in at eleven am might fight you, but a guy coming in at two am tweaking on vodka and female rejection? He might bite you. You should be paid more for that.

"You make HOW much? Ohhhh, man. You need to get paid more for the pain I'm about to cause you."

Twitter @nathanmacintosh

A key gave up.

A key on my computer just stopped working. Just straight gave up. Why? Did I spi   something? Nope. This dude, this  azy ass key just stopped coming to work.
"Yo, we NEED you, man. You know how many words we can't spe   when you aren't here?  ook! Right there! That sentence is messed up because of you. Get to work!"
"... Naw, man. I don't think I've been getting the respect I deserve. I'm out! And I'm not going to  et you spe  etter,  ove, spi  , a tercation, none of those! How does that fee ? Huh? How does that FEE !?"

Yep. That's the key. The key forme y known as here. The  key. I'm going to keep writing without it because I have to. It gave up at a great time. I need to have three b ogs done before this month is done. He knows this. We've been doing it for a most three years now. Myse f and the man himse f, the  key. This has made me think of something that's being going through my head for awhi e now.

I make things as hard as possib e on myse f. What do I mean? I mean this computer is over six years o d. Can I get another one? Yep. I cou d, but for whatever reason I just dea with things. I have an iPhone 3gs. Is it amazing? Of course it. The fact that this techno ogy was made in the first p ace is amazing. Has app e started to make phones that are faster? That work better? Yes. Cou d I get one? Yep. But, I make things hard for the sake of it. Now I'm not saying that that means to run out and buy every sing e new thing that app e puts out. But, it's not a ways the best idea to just dea with things. Sometimes it gets you here. No damn  key.

Another examp e of making things hard? Recent y my mom bought me a  uggage set. With whee s. Put my  uggage in a bag with whee s for the first time. It was insane! I'm whee ing around the airport, just ki  ing it! Why was this so insane? Because before this I was using a duff e bag. Duff e bag with no whee s. I was carrying my  uggage through airports, for YEARS, as if this was 1979.
"Can I see your boarding pass, sir?"
"Is 'My Sharona' by The Knack the number one song of the year?"
"... That a joke?"
"... What year is this!?"
Whee s comp ete y b ew my mind! I'm ro  ing a   over the p ace, just  osing my mind!
"Why in the he   did I not have these before?! Why have I been CARRYING a bag a   this time! I don't have to do this?! I NEVER had to. I'm wa king through the airport  ike a wrest er from the 80's.  ove those guys, but MAN."
I cou d have gotten  uggage. I shou d have. I trave  enough to have whee s. Whee s! But why didn't I have them? I kept saying that I cou dn't afford  uggage, or that I didn't need whee s. Now, you don't NEED whee s, but man! Makes things much simp er in the airport. I can now whee  my bag through security. I used to put my duff e bag on the ground, and kick it through. Used to just boot it out in front of me. Kicking a damn bag in front of other humans. KICKING my things across an airport f oor.
"Step forward, p ease."
(Soccer kicks be ongings forward.)
"Woooooo! I'm rea  y  iving, here! Kicking my stuff! How you guys,  iving? Kicking my stuff!"

Even on- ine I make things hard. I refused to get twitter for the first coup e of years. I don't rea  y have a great reason as to why. Just refused. Makes it hard to stay in touch with peop e after shows and such. It's va uab e. Instagram? I signed up for it two days ago! Peop e have had it for years. Te  ing me that I shou d have it. Wou dn't. And now that I have it, I  ike it more than twitter! The videos on it are just fun to make. Peop e have come up to me after shows and asked if I had it. Didn't. Did they fo  ow me? How cou d they! Another way to just make things harder and fight things that make existence a bit easier.

I make things hard as we   by thinking that everything is going wrong. I usua  y  ive with that perspective of what I'm doing. Terrib e thing to do that just impedes progress. I don't rea  y take any credit for where I've gotten. I'm getting better with it, though. I'm going to get fixing this button. The whee s have inspired me. The next b og wi   have every  etter in it, and  ife wi   be a  itt e easier.

Twitter @nathanmacintosh