Nathan Macintosh

Welcome to the website for comedian Nathan Macintosh! 

You can find show dates, Videos, Blog, Instagram, Twitter, Album 'I Wasn't Talking', and Podcast 'Positive Anger' 

http://apple.co/1XJ7raY

 

For bookings contact:

Authentic Talent Management:

New York Office
Tel: (718) 422-0200

James Cristiano: james@authenticm.com

Buchwald And Associates: 

New York Office

Conan Smith: (212) 867-1200

 

A red head in summer.

Summer again. I love it, but as a red head? Maaaaan, it can get rough. The sun and red heads are not really friends. Sun completely cooks us. We have to wear long clothes and cover our bodies in sun proof liquid to hit the streets. If we don't? Jesus, it can be painful. But it's not just the summer that can burn us. Serious? Yep. Serious. A cloudless, sun filled sky is not the only thing that can do the trick. Here's a list of some other things. 

Sun glaring off the snow.

Now, you may think this doesn't make sense. 'How the hell can someone be burned by the sun in the winter? It's cold! What the hell! These people are freaks!' Okay, calm down. I was shocked by it when I was a kid. But when sun glares off fresh snow? Man. First, you got the actual sun coming down on you, and it's banking off of reflectors on the ground? It's sun from all angles! For a red head it's like walking through a cold tanning bed. 

"What a beautiful day to freeze AND wear sunblock! Thanks, weird gene that makes me this way!"

"What a beautiful day to freeze AND wear sunblock! Thanks, weird gene that makes me this way!"

A 120 watt bulb.

Now, these just ain't cool. I believe all red heads are happy that alternatives have been made. In all seriousness, who the hell needs that many watts? Are you looking for evidence in your living room? Are you hoping to zap away germs? Then scale down the watts a little bit. Or, if no red heads are ever in your house, you do what you want. But, unless you're trying to cook chicken while reading, no one needs a 120 watt bulb. 

"Damn you, ghostrider bulb! A.k.a regular, 120 watt. Burnt!"

"Damn you, ghostrider bulb! A.k.a regular, 120 watt. Burnt!"

Full brightness on iPhones.

Oh, yes. Very real. Even if by some chance the brightness DOESN'T crisp up a red heads skin, the brightness on full will destroy our eyes. Why? We got no damn pigment, which affects how light comes at our faces. My phone is always on the lowest brightness. No one can see it. I'm basically staring at this computer right now at a negative brightness percentage. Full brightness on an iPhone is enough to get a car to stop for you on the side of the highway during a storm at night. Much too bright for the skin and eyes of a red head human. 

"Woa, woa, woa. What do I want the right side of my face to look like it went to Florida? Better turn this down."

"Woa, woa, woa. What do I want the right side of my face to look like it went to Florida? Better turn this down."

Yelling.

Little known fact. If you yell at a red head for a while, they can get burnt. That's how soft this damn skin is. Try it, but don't try it. You yell long enough at a red head, we'll get burned. ot breath hitting us for too long does damage to this already pretty iffy skin. A manager at a job I worked at once yelled at me for so long that my face peeled afterwards. True? No. But, it could be possible. 

"Thank you for putting my face in my shirt to stop the burning! I appreciate it. Hopefully you calm down soon.

"Thank you for putting my face in my shirt to stop the burning! I appreciate it. Hopefully you calm down soon.

Hot shower.

Clean? Sure. Hot showers will make that happen. Burn a read heads skin? Yep. Sometimes a red head will step out of a hot bath and need to apply aloe. The sun lives everywhere for red heads. Even in the tap on the right. This is why most times we shower in the cold. That's right. You've never heard that? We shower in cold water the way a troll might that lives in a cave and has no option as to the type of water that flows through it. And if you already have a burn and step into a hot shower? Double burn. That's where the burn gets burned. You ever see a burned burn? Red head. 

"Yep. Aloe after this one."

"Yep. Aloe after this one."

Twitter @Nathanmacintosh 

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