Waiting a day.

Jokes. People tell them all the time. When someone falls on his or her face, when a friend does something stupid. When your girlfriend gets a parking ticket.

"Wow, you parked there without looking at the signs? Should have gotten two tickets."

Jokes ease tension, calm situations and make things generally okay. These are usually done with people you know, though, about situations that are not life changing. When tragedies hit, people involved in them would not be making jokes. Not to friends, not to other people involved. But people online? Seems to be the first move.

I'm not saying that I don't think jokes should not be written about tragedies. I think they should. I don't see it as a bad thing, but – could we wait a day? Okay, with technology the way it is, a day is probably too long. An hour? Could we at least wait an hour? I saw a lot of the jokes, and I thought some were funny, but again, the first thought has to be how can I make this funny? That first hour, let's chill. Just write them down and pound them all out sixty minutes from the time of the event.

"Cool, an hour has gone by. I've written three pages of jokes. Twitter's gonna hate me for this, but here we go, seventy-eight tweets in a row."

If you were there and you had seen the explosion, people thrown around, would your first thought be, "Man, what is hilarious about this?" No, because if you were in the situation, you would care. When it's on a screen? We don't view it as anything. Can't we have some empathy for people? Why write jokes as people are still lying on the ground? While people are still bleeding. While people are still running around freaking out.

"Wow, that looks like a pretty insane situation... wait, was that guy who blew up wearing a Mickey Mouse t-shirt? Whoa, ho ho! Joke time!"

Again, I think jokes are great. I think there can be jokes made about any and every situation. But right away? First thing? This is just my opinion, but I think things should be sat on for a minute.

These jokes are never for the victims either. They're not written to help them. If jokes were what they needed right away, then the EMTs rushing onto the scene with bandages and painkillers, would also be holding a bag of one-liners.

"Breathe, breathe! You've just been in an accident. I'm going to elevate your legs and while I'm doing that, peruse through this bag of jokes about what has just happened to you written by 'rationalminded' on Twitter."

"...What? Why would I do that?"

"Who's the EMT here, sir? Now this is going to sound weird, but the only way to fix that broken arm is to use it to write limericks. Do you have a pen?"

These jokes are never written with the intent to help people, they are written to raise your own profile. 

People who write jokes about these things immediately, usually use the argument when people start to care about a tragedy that other tragedies are going on in the world that you are not talking about.

"There is stuff happening all over the world. Why care about this? What's the big deal with this one?"

Simply that it's close to home. Sounds terrible, but that's how it is. Do you think people in North Korea were discussing what was happening in Boston?

"Hey, you hear about the marathon explosions?"

"...Are we allowed to be talking?"

No. People talk about what happens where they live unless where they live is in a small town where nothing happens. Then they talk about everything.

"Hey, Tom. You hear about what's going on in India?"

"Of course I have, Ted. It's either read about that or stare out my window at some trees. That reminds me, did I tell you that there is a new squirrel living in my backyard?"

"A new squirrel? You don't say."

Also, the people who come at the argument with an aggressive 'Well, things happen all over the world, you care about it happening here but not on the other side of the earth?' NEVER care about any of it. They think you're dumb for caring or asking about a specific tragedy when the world is full of them, but they are never people who volunteer, donate money, help charities. Nothing. Just try to tell you how dumb you are for caring about anything.

People say that you should be able to deal with tragedy any way you want. Sure. Fair enough. But if you're writing jokes about a tragedy, you are probably not affected by said tragedy. I'm sure that people who were there, or had family there, were not sitting at their computers trying to come up with a hilarious quip in under 140 characters.

"Oh, man, my brother was in that race! Let's see. 'My brother always wanted to have an explosive running career. He got it!' There we go. Now, I'll go see if he's okay."

The people who are writing jokes probably don't have any ties to the event. It's the rest of us. Who have nothing to do with it, who write jokes about such things. And I get it. It's gonna happen. If it were the other way around, people would be writing jokes about the tragedy you're involved in. To say that jokes about tragedies during them helps, who does it help? Does it help the other people writing jokes? Does it help the victims?

"Hey, looks like you lost a hand, but look at this tweet from a guy who has no attachment to this at all..."

"Oww.... oh, man. That is pretty funny. Oww."

Personally, when there is a big tragedy, some sort of act of terror, I think that we should have a technology snow day. Just take a day, get off of the internet and spend time with the world. Because nobody who was running in the Boston Marathon would have EVER thought something insane like that was going to happen. All that shows is that anything can happen. You have no idea if you'll be involved in something like that. So a tragedy like that should remind people to hang out and appreciate what's going on in your life. 

Not that it matters, but when something tragic happens, I get off of Twitter completely. Jokes seem weird, saying anything not related to the tragedy seems weird, and also, it could have been us. Why not take a minute to enjoy life?

twitter @nathanmacintosh

Some people hate wrestling. Why?

Last weekend, I went to WrestleMania. Now, granted, I would have preferred to go as a kid. That was when I watched wrestling, and when I had more of an idea of what was going on. A friend of mine who never stopped watching, asked me if I wanted to go as it was in New Jersey this year. Even though I haven't watched wrestling in years, I agreed. I started watching again so I would have some idea of what was happening at Mania. It's not like NASCAR. There are storylines.

"Hey, why is number 49 trying to drive faster than number 17? Did 17 sleep with his wife?"

"I don't think so. He has to drive faster to win."

"Huh. I find the wife-sleeping story more interesting. Drive, number 49! He really gave it to her!"

WrestleMania was an amazing time, but since then, I've heard a lot of people say they hate wrestling.

One of the main arguments towards why people don't like it is that it's fake. People like to say that as if it's the first time you've ever heard it.

"Why would you watch that, man? He's not actually hitting him. Don't you know this is staged?"

Buddy, it's 2013. Everyone knows that wrestling is fake. To tell someone that they shouldn't like wrestling because it's fake today? You're the idiot here. It's like telling someone magic isn't real.

"Tada!"

"You didn't ACTUALLY make that card disappear. It's probably in your sleeve."

"... Your imagination is awful."

Who cares if it's fake? Is everything you watch real? Are you actually at war when you play Call of Duty? Is the Phantom of the Opera REALLY in that Broadway show? Is Dr. Who a documentary?

"Man, I love Dr. Who. The way he destroys these daleks. I'd love to meet him one day."

"...You mean the actor who plays him? He's not real, man."

"WHAT!? Actor? No! But he's right there! I can see him! Look, he's right there!"

Why is it so hard to suspend disbelief when it's wrestling? It is theatre with fighting. That is all.

People have no problem telling fans of wrestling that they're stupid. A lot of people feel that they are above wrestling, while there is a lot worse entertainment out there.

"Wrestling? That's insane. I watch The Voice, Can You Cut, Splash, Can You Splash, So You Think You Can Weld And Skateboard At The Same Time, Dancing With Eagles, Cook Your Face, Single Moms Of Kentucky, Wal-Mart Wars, and The Bachelor, but wrestling? That's just stupid."

Some people really don't like wrestling fans, but just about everyone likes at least ONE wrestler. You'd tell a guy wrestling is dumb, but see a wrestler you like and freak out.

"You like wrestling? That's some of the stupidest junk that ther... wait, is that The Rock? Rock! You're the best, Rock! I've seen like four of your movies!"

Why are wrestling fans thought of as some of the worst human beings on the planet? Because of how they dress? Just the simple fact that they like wrestling? Have you looked at EVERY fan of ANYTHING else? If you did, you'd probably be embarrassed at what you like.

"Oh my God. HE likes basketball? I can't be seen watching this junk. Guess I'll have to watch professional glass eating. Something only real cool guys watch."

If you went to hear an amazing lecture, one that was really intelligent and captivating, would it be deemed useless if the person who delivered it was a wrestling fan?

"Wow, that was really smart and engaging. I'm happy I got to hear it."

"Yeah. You know he's a wrestling fan, right?"

"What? A wrestling fan? Well, that changes everything he said. What a complete idiot!"

One great thing about wrestling, if you like it, and you go to it live, you get to experience it with thousands of screaming fans. No joke, live, wrestling is fantastic. People are yelling, chanting, screaming. And I would bet that it almost never turns violent. Why? Because people know it's fake! There's nothing to get serious about. It's fun. I went to a Devils game the night before Mania in Jersey and watched two guys argue with each other until they got kicked out. Why? Because apparently, hockey is a deadly serious issue.

"You don't like my team? You're a piece of trash and I wanna fight you."

"Oh yeah, man? Why don't you drop your foam finger and come say that to my face!"

No reason for that to happen at wrestling. And if you are just interested in TV shows, you will NEVER get the experience of being in a stadium with tons of fans to see them. Will Breaking Bad ever be shown to 80,000 people live?

"Ladies and Gentleman, thank you for coming to Breaking Bad live!"

"Get him, Walter! You're the one who knocks!"

"Shhhhhhh!"

"Shut up, loser! I'm trying to watch the show! And hey, buddy, can you put down your sign that says 'Jesse Forever!' I can't see! Oh, God. The wave? I'm trying to concentrate."

You can't chant at someone else when they invite you over to watch a show.

"Thanks for coming, guys. Oh! The show's starting!"

"LET'S GO, GAME OF THRONES! <Clap, clap, clap clap clap> LET'S GO, GAME O... nobody?"

"...Please leave."

ANYTHING you like is considered stupid to somebody else. That's just how things work.

"I love Breton crackers."

"What are you, dumb? They're too big. They don't make cheese in a shape that would go on a Breton cracker. Round cracker, square cheese. Honestly, it's insane."

Everything is stupid to somebody, but you have to like something.

Twitter @nathanmacintosh

The world is overpopulated?

Over the last couple of years, I've been in conversations with people about the earth's overpopulation. Apparently, there are too many of us. Yep, that's right. Some of us just should not, or are not supposed to be here. Were YOU the one to tip the scale? The kid you had?

"And today's top story, the Hermans had a little baby boy today. Why is this a top story? Well, because newborn Chris Herman has pushed the earth's population into the unlivable. Oh, wait! This just in, an old woman was beaten to death for her change purse on a Wisconsin interstate. We are back to a livable number."

Why just people? There are a lot of dogs. Maybe there are too many dogs. Do you have a dog? Maybe it's time to throw that dog into the street and get the numbers down.

"You've always been good to me, Sparkles, but there's just too many of you. I'll try to make sure you land on a car when I throw you off the balcony."

"Arrrfffff!"

Are there really too many people on the planet? I think it's an excuse.

People use the overpopulation argument as an excuse to not have kids. I've heard people say they're not having kids because there are too many people on earth. Wow. You're taking that upon yourself, Captain Planet? Were you planning on having as many kids as there are residents of Cleveland? No? Then not having one kid probably isn't going to help very much.

"So that future generations don't have to stand on each other, I'm not going to have kids."

"That's great! We could use four hundred thousand less people on the planet."

"Four hundred thousand? What am I, a roach? I was talking about not having one."

"One? You think not having one kid is going to help anything? Listen, man, have the kid. Have three. Hey, Hal! You hear this guy? One kid. One! Hurt the earth more to throw a plastic six-pack holder on the ground. One! Oh, man. That's rich."

"I don't want to have kids because the earth doesn't need anymore." 

Get over yourself. Are you serious? You're doing that for the earth? Just say you don't want kids! You're allowed to think that! Overpopulation seems to be the new 'not ready' for kids.

"Honey, I want to have a baby. We've been together for awhile and I think we're old and mature enough."

"I thought this would come up. Aggghhhh, look. I was in the mall today and there were people everywhere! I'm talking wall-to-wall, 'I-wasn't-alone-in-any-store' people! I just don't think this world needs another face eating at Baskin Robbins."

"So you're saying you can't have a kid because there is no space in the mall?"

"I couldn't even get to the khakis! You know how much I like khakis. I had to just stare at them through people's arms. I just think until it cools down a little bit out there, we should chill."

People say that they don't want to have kids because there's not enough space on the planet. Is it just people taking up all this space? Why not stop Starbucks? There are a lot of those around. They're taking up a lot of space, and you can't even have conversations with them.

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I have a good job, my girl's cool. I just can't get happy. Do you know what I mean, 'building on the corner of Main and Church'?"

"..........."

"Yeah. I don't have any answers either. Hey, have you seen Breaking Bad?"

"..........."

"You are a tough nut to crack, building."

People really don't think there's enough space on the planet?

"Where is everyone gonna go? There are people everywhere. Everywhere! I can't walk down aisle two when I want! I can't even open my car doors. I have to live in my car!"

Where's everyone gonna go? I don't know. Most of Canada? Middle America? There's open space everywhere! I'm sure there is some space in Iceland we could move some people to. Greenland. Newfoundland. Any of the places that end in 'land'. Any place where hunting is a recreational activity, there is space.

"You know, I just went hunting and I didn't see one person. Just a bunch of trees. Offer a tree a beer, see what happens. Rude ass tree just looks at you."

You can actually say there's no space? Have you gone everywhere? You've been all over the world and done censuses? Or did you just go to a crowded area, someone bumped into you and you decided that some people deserve to die?

"Man, I can't believe it. That guy bumped into me and spilled my Jamba Juice all over my shirt. There are too many people on this planet. That guy should be set on fire!"

Just because you saw a lot of people in a McDonalds doesn't mean there isn't space on the planet for everyone. You live in a place where there are tons of people. That doesn't mean there's no space at all.

Overpopulation has apparently also given rise to adoption. People say that they don't want to have kids because there are kids who need to be adopted.

"There are tons of kids out there. Do I REALLY need to have my own? Some mother had one, tossed it in a dumpster. One mother's trash is another mother's high school graduate. I'll just dust this one off and raise it."

"Really? It has a beef jerky wrapper stuck to it."

"I said I'll dust it off."

Sure, there are kids out there who need to be raised. That's good of you to do it. But if you're gonna do it, just do it! There's no need for the reason, definitely if the reason is overpopulation.

If overpopulation is even a legitimate argument, then we should find a way to make kids that isn't so fun. Right now? The activity is amazing. Sex is great. Maybe just change the name from sex. That might get people to calm down on wanting to do it.

"Yo, you see that girl over there, man?"

"Yeah. She's hot."

"I wanna 'maybe make a baby' with her tonight'."

"...Are you sure?"

"...Yeah, you're right. Let's just go get some sex."

"Waffles?"

"Waffles."

The overpopulation argument suggests that we should start thinning people out. That we have to control this. Really? We're just gonna decide who stays and who goes? Who's able to have kids and who isn't? Where do we start, bud? What's the application like to be on of the 'people who are not blown away just for being born' list?

"Here is your application."

"Hmmm. Question one. Have you ever liked a tweet, but didn't retweet it just because you were angry about how good it was? Well, sure. Once or twice."

"You have failed. We do not want your kind here. Please throw yourself off of that cliff."

Here's a quick way to see if you would be on the list if we started thinning people out. If you've talked about overpopulation at a bar, you are NOT on the list. You are not on the ship. Neither am I. If thinning people out is because of overpopulation is an actual conversation being had, it's taking place between billionaires behind move away bookshelves. Not over Pabst Blue Ribbon on patio furniture.

Twitter @nathanmacintosh