Reasons Kanye Shouldn't perform in Canada-Ye

For the closing ceremonies of the Pan Am games in the city of Toronto, some brilliant human being had the great idea to book Kanye West. To perform. Not to just show up and say 'hello', he would ACTUALLY perform some of his huge songs to people who have heard of him. He would put on a huge show in front of people who have heard his music at parties and had a great time. That's disgusting. People DO NOT want this man to perform at the closing ceremonies, and I am one of them. Why should he perform there? Who made that ridiculous call!? Just. Terrible. Here are some reasons that Kanye should NOT close the Pan Am games. 

The Canadian Dollar Is LOW

Kanye West is a massive star. He has been making great music and giving us great entertainment for over ten years. He is paid very highly for this. Now he's supposed to make CANADIAN money? That's gross. NO ONE should be paid in Canadian money. No one. Not sure what he charges for shows, but let's say it's $300,000. He'll be paid that in CANADIAN, and when he goes home to his super mansion, that will be worth $231,000 American. $231,000! He'll go to buy his daughter a $70,000 dollar necklace, and realize that he doesn't have it. If he performs in Canada, he will be underpaid. Do we want ANYone to be underpaid? No. No we do not. 

He Doesn't Need To Go To Cold Places Anymore.

The man fought through winters in his life. Chicago is NOT messing around at all when it comes to winter. Chicago gets so cold that it actually freezes the entire state of Illinois, and makes Missouri cold. Canada is cold. Right now? Not cold, but MAN, Kanye doesn't need this. He could be on a beach, still thawing out from the winter of '96 in Chicago. Don't make this man, perform in a city of cold winters and people. Just. Don't. It's not fair. If anything, have him close out the PanAm games, but take them to Florida, or South America, or the Sun. Don't stay in cold Canada. Don't do this. 

He'll Have To Cross The Border

If Kanye closes the Pan Am games, he'll have to cross the Canadian border. THAT thing, is not the best. The border guards will look Kanye in the face, and say, 'What are you coming to Canada for?' And he will have to say, 'I'm Kanye West.' And they will say, 'Yes. But what brings you to Canada?' And he will have to say, 'I'm Kanye West. I rap. I do shows. I am Kanye West.' And they will say, 'Yes, we know all this, but what are you DOING here?' The Kanye will have to look in their eyes, look down in disbelief, think about how big you have to get before people understand why you travel, and then take a sip of espresso. Don't put this man through this. He doesn't need a border guard pushing him around. 

Toronto Can't Offer Kanye Anything To Do

'Kanye, welcome to our city! Notice that people will give you bad looks for no reason at all. But hey, no worries! We have plenty of things for you to do. You can go to Dundas Square! It's like Times Square but worse. You can go to High Park! It's a... park... thing, way over there. You can go to the CN Tower. Ooooooo. It's tall, man! We have Queen St, where you can buy clothes that you wore five years ago but only now do people here think they're cool. Yonge st! It's the longest street in the world! The downtown part of it is pretty cool, there's a big MALL on it, and if you keep walking just a little bit, it turns into a weird porn store fiasco where you can get clothes for strippers and prostitutes. But THEN, it gets good again! And then bad again. It's really long!'

Kanye can go to the Canary Islands and have margaritas shipped in from the Virgin Islands. He doesn't need to be at these PanAm games. 

If Kanye Is Performing In Canada For People That Don't Even Want Him, He Won't Be Making New Music

While Kanye is in Toronto, performing to people who are yelling, 'I signed a petition for you not to be here! I wanted Rush!', he could be in the studio making more of the great music that he makes.  He could be in a studio making music for people who actually want it, not performing to people from the woods who would rather here Kim Mitchell. Might as well go to the studio, Kanye. Nobody yells at you to leave, and people who like what you do might cry. 

Twitter @nathanmacintosh

Rick Ross.

Look, this does not matter. We decided years ago that it wasn't important or useful information at all that a man who was once a correctional officer started rapping and telling the world that he was a drug kingpin. He sold drugs from the port of Miami. He would murder you and yours if you tried to stop him, and, at times, he barely rapped well about it. We decided at the time that this came out that we didn't care. That his beats were still sick, that when he did rap well it was cool, and who cares if he used to literally work with and in a system that he raps about being against. It's a crazy interesting story.

Chris Rock made a movie about this EXACT THING years ago. Early 90's, the movie CB4 was this exact story. A criminal with a crazy rap sheet goes to jail, and a group of rappers start rapping his story and become huge. The only difference in the movie really is that the rappers were not working for a prison. They were just kids. This was a movie, and it basically happened. It must have been some of the thought behind Rozay turning to rap. 

'Hey, they did it in that movie I saw once. I'm in!'

Now, the part that I do appreciate, is the wrestling aspect of the whole thing. Rap is full of people making up stories for our benefit. They tell us they have money and women, cars and guns, because it entertains us. We listen and love it. SOME people won't do that or like it, but by and large, people like to be entertained by the thought of a person doing all this stuff. The idea that an officer would go 'wait a minute. I could keep watching these criminals, put my life at risk, OR, rap about BEING a criminal, make a BAJILLION dollars and live WAY better than I can in this system. I'm in!' That aspect of it, it's great. People want to be entertained, entertain em! Make money! Nobody gets hurt! 

Except for the fact that he's not making up a story. He has completely TAKEN a story from an ACTUAL drug kingpin. A REAL human being who almost spent his entire life in prison doing the things that this other man is rapping about. And the reason that is nuts, is that you can be rewarded for SAYING THAT YOU DO ILLEGAL THINGS but you go STRAIGHT to a maximum security prison for actually doing them. That's crazy! That part of it is hard to fully understand. 

'You are going away for life.'

'Look, I know I sold drugs, but just about every rapper is saying it's cool to sell drugs. That have mansions and money from doing exactly what I did. I'm going to jail because you heard me on the phone say I'm going to push that dope. There is a song called Push That Dope! No jail time for that?"

"Different thing. They did it to a beat. SICK beat. You had no beat. Life in prison.'

Like, you can GO TO JAIL for talking about drugs over a phone. If someone is recording you talking about selling co-ca-een, you could be TOAST. But, if you rhyme it, if you put a beat to it, you could make enough money to buy a sports team. It's. Just. Incredible. 

This has been talked about for years, and forgotten about for years, But the actual Rick Ross, does not have millions of dollars now. What he did was never cool with society. What he did didn't make him a tourable act who has kids buying everything he says. But what he did, is what the other man is SAYING he did, and it's cool. Not only cool, we cheer it on. But the real Rick Ross, and others like him, we want thrown in jail, forgotten about by time and lost in a pit of hell. 'How can you sell drugs? That's insane. Don't you know that it destroys communities? Don't you know that KIDS could be doing drugs? For shame. Ohhhh, THANK you, Rozay. Rapping about drugs. Great. That's great. Gives kids something to look towards. Be a hero and a millionaire like you for talking about it. My kid loves you. Hell, I love you! That one song, with the beat and the drug hook? SIIIIIICCCKK. Thanks for turning the real Rick Ross's story into something positive. It's great to see. You're a pioneer.'

Is it not a little strange that you go to jail for selling drugs but you are paid ROYALLY for rapping that you sell them? Yes, selling drugs in illegal. Rapping about doing it isn't. But, isn't that just weird? Isn't it a strange thing that we are supposed to love the people who tell us to sell drugs but bury the people who do under concrete? It's just... strange. One is a hero. The other is a villain. One is an amazing look at what is possible in America. The other is an amazing look at reality. 

Best part is, if the Real Rick Ross could rap, people wouldn't like it. If he guy could rap, people would STILL not like him as much, because he'd be saying that he USED to sell drugs. 

'Wait a minute. This beat is sick, this guy can flow, but did he say that he wishes he had never started pushing drugs? Wishes that he didn't move weight? Turn this shit off! Yes! There we go! A guy who's never sold drugs rapping about moving TONS of it! Thank you, DJ! Thank YOOOOOUUUUU!'

Again, this doesn't matter. It's just interesting. Don't sell drugs. You could go to jail. But glorify drugs to a beat, so that maybe other people will sell them, and you sir, are the best.  Rick Ross and Hacksaw Jim Duggan are the same in that they both showed us that their business's were not as real as we had thought before. Duggan's story was his at least. 

Twitter @nathanmacintosh