3 Situation That Prepare Us For Speed Walking Olympic Event
The Olympics. Most of us are never going. There are many events that you have NO chance in. You can’t just pick up throwing a javelin at 42. Going to be pretty hard to start doing high jump at 70. Hurdles? You going to pull yourself off the couch at 51 and start jumping little traffic signs? Sure, buddy. You sprained your ass stepping over the coffee table last week. Get the heating pad and sit back down. But Speed Walking? Now we’re talking. Which should be the slogan for this event.
‘Swimming?’
‘Naw, keep skimming.’
‘How ‘bout 100 metre dash?’
‘Big time pass…’
‘… Speed Walking?’
‘NOW we’re talking!’
The Olympics wants to call it Race Walking, but let’s grow up. That’s just them trying to make you believe that you can’t do it, and I’m here to say, you can. Not only can you, you’re already doing it a lot more than you think, and you can do it at one of the highest levels in the land. Here are a few ways you’re already training for one of the most accessible Olympic sports there is.
CROSSING THE STREET
You’re at the corner waiting to cross, the light turns green, you start to walk, then notice your shoe is untied. You stop to tie it, look up to see the cross walk countdown. ‘9, 8…’ You panic. Start to tie faster. ‘6, 5…’ Cars engines are revving. ‘3, 2…’ A driver yells out of his car ‘You better not even THINK about crossing in front of me!’ You finally get your shoe tied, and Speed Walk across the street, hips flying. You make it just as a Tesla hits the strings on your jacket. You’ve made it. You’ve survived. And you’ve also just trained for a very real Olympic event.
CREEPY PERSON BEHIND YOU ON THE STREET
You stumble out of that new ‘Fried Chicken And Skeet Shooting’ restaurant, full of Nashvilles Hot sauce and knowing you dominated those clay discs, and start to walk home. Out of seemingly nowhere, a creepy shows up behind you. A carabiner full of keys bouncing off their thigh. You turn around to see if it’s just a friendly janitor and notice the fangs. This isn’t a janitor at all. Maybe of the gate to hell, but not on this nice block of deep fried chicken and leisure sports. You don’t want to seem like a dork and start to fully run, also you’re jacked full of grease, but you pick it ups a bit. Arms swinging, legs going, and all of a sudden, you’re Speed Walking. Look at you. Escaped the grips of a demon AND you’re now one Speed Walk closer to a medal.
GETTING IN FRONT OF SOMEONE WITH A FULL CAR IN THE GROCERY STORE
You step into the grocery store for one avocado and a beer. Your Saturday is about to be a party. You squeeze a couple ‘cados to find a good one, squeeze a couple beers to entertain yourself, and head to the checkout. You dancing to Billy Joel’s ‘Uptown Girl’ on the loud speaker when you see it. All the registers are full except for one, and who’s ONE step ahead of you about to pull in? A woman with an entire cart full of groceries. The top, the bottom, she’s got stuff all over the place. Bag of bananas is hanging off the side. Bag of dog food AND a bag of corn puffs line the bottom. You get stuck behind her? It’s gonna be an extra 20 minutes before you’re able to enjoy you Pilsner and some good fats. So you pick it up, Uptown Girl blaring overheard. The hip action. The step action. The arm movements. You’re speed walking. Sweat flying off your brow. You get in front of her JUST at the moment that it doesn’t look like you’re a complete criminal who just tried to cut her off. In. Out. Beer. Mouth. This situation alone should get you a Silver Medal, and in four years? It just might.