Sports Bars With Dance Music

If you would have asked we what the worst way to follow a baseball game was, I would have for sure said the radio. Hands down, would have guessed radio over anything. Anything. Being set on fire and watching baseball? Better than radio. Having to sit with your ex while she tells you about all the sex she's having since you broke up while watching baseball? Weirder than radio, but better. Fighting a tiger with a playstation controller while watching a manager run at the mound to make a pitching change? Harder than radio, but better.

Drove around a lot in September/October, and wanted to follow baseball. The option was listening on the radio, or driving while holding my phone on the dashboard, WHICH I HAVE SEEN MANIACS DOING ON THE HIGHWAY. LOT of criminals out there. Speeding down a highway while they have a movie playing on a small screen right behind their steering wheel. Went with option one, and listening to baseball on the radio is pretty great, actually. Screaming at someone you can't see to throw a strike? People driving around you probably think you're really going through it, but then again they're texting their kids in the back to stop kicking the seats.

I found the worst way to follow baseball. No tigers involved. Sitting in a bar, watching it on mute while Keisha or some pop song is blaring. Sitting in a place that calls itself a Sports Bar, while Justin Bieber goes through a break up to a beat as sports are a forgotten memory hanging on a wall. Any bar that has it TVs turned to sports and it's sound turned to dance music should have it's liquor license removed immediately. No questions asked. No room to debate it. Liquor commission comes in, rips the liquor license off the wall, screams 'This is what happens! YOU DID THIS!', punches a TV on the way out and grabs a wing off someone's plate.

I get it if there are a lot of games going on in a night and you pick one. You pick the one that the most people in the bar want to watch. So some people will watch their sport on mute, while the one that the most people wanted to watch will have sound. Okay. Even with that though, a lot of bars will play the game, and when there is a break, half time, whatever, and analysts come on to talk about the game that is playing IN THE BAR, the bar will turn off the sound, and play dance music. For. What. Reason? People are watching the game. Do you think they'll just HATE to continue to follow it during half time? Do you think that whenever people watch sports they want a dance party in-between breaks?

'Hey! Turn this trash off! The big men aren't holding any balls right now. It's just some idiot talking about the stupid game we're watching. Turn up the jiggle music! I want to jiggle, man!'

People who are watching a game will have NO PROBLEM listening to people TALK ABOUT THE GAME they are watching. None at all. People at home do it all the time. It's part of watching the game. Nobody cuts the TV off at home when a analysts come on. Just turn it off and jack iTunes all the way up. 

'Oh god, these people are talking again. If they sang their thoughts, I'd be in. But just talking? NOPE. Shut it off. Let's dance!'

What is the big fascination with dance music in a place where you can throw peanuts on the floor? Who in the hell is dancing here? Actually, I know who's going. People from small towns. In their town, an AppleBee's is Studio 54. No where else to go and dance except the place where you also take a lunch break. 

'Where do you want to drink tonight?'

'What do you mean 'where'? That a joke? We got one place! Captain Magillcuddy's. It's there or the woods.... Woods?'

Listening to baseball on the radio, you can hear the crowd. You feel as if you are somewhat apart of the experience. Watching the game on mute with Miley in your ear? You feel like you showed up to someone's party and begged to follow the game.

'Um, hi, I know it's your birthday and everything, but I really don't know you. I'm here because my friend wanted somewhere to hang tonight. I agreed, and here I am. Can I watch the game now?'

Why do bars do this? Why have sports on AND music? Are the sports for men? Is the music for women? Vice versa? Either way, no body is happy. Nobody wants to watch sports on mute, and even less people want sports to be on when they're trying to get in a dancing groove. Either way, I found the worst way to follow baseball. 

Twitter @nathanmacintosh