6 Measurements Of How Close Thanksgiving and Christmas Are
In Canada, Thanksgiving is in October. Some Americans make fun of that.
'Thanksgiving in October? Oh man. When is your Christmas? 2017?! hahahaha!'
Make fun of the way Canada does Thanksgiving, but it happens a good two months before Christmas. In America? Not the same. Thanksgiving and Christmas are smashed together. Don't think Thanksgiving and Christmas are too close together? Here are some units of distant between the two.
Four Weeks
There are four weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas in America. That's it. Four weeks. You have to give half of that time as notice to quit your job at Jamba Juice. If you gave double the notice, it would be Christmas. You give double notice on Thanksgiving? You are walking out of Jamba Juice with your last Kale/Eggnog smoothie on Saint Nicholas's big day.
730 Hours
That is how many hours are in a month. 730 hours is the distant from Thanksgiving to Christmas. 730 hours after smashing turkey into your body, you are sitting on a floor opening presents under a tree that you smashed into your house. 730 hours after yelling at Aunt Bev to stop beaking about her embroidered sweater and pass the cranberries, you're yelling at Aunt Bev to put out her embroidered sweater that burst into flames because she dipped her arm into candle. Doesn't seem like enough time between the two.
317 Viewings of The Dark Knight
Right after Thanksgiving, you think 'Screw it. I'm going to lay under a blanket with my bag in a tub of butter, and watch The Dark Knight until Christmas.' Well, you should know that you can only watch The Dark Knight 317 times between Thanksgiving and Christmas in America. 'What? But that's not enough time to REALLY get a deep buttering of my bag' you think to yourself. That's right. It isn't. You have to give more notice than this to move out of an apartment. You have to give 634 viewings of The Dark Knight notice to leave a building, but for some reason half of those viewings are fine distant between two super holidays.
Two Maybe Three Gas Tank Fill Ups
Let's say you just use your car to cruise around your town. You're not hauling banana's across the country. You're not setting out on some sort of 'have to see Mount Rushmore AND Miami in the same day' adventure. You are just going to and from work, five days a week. You'll hit that gas station three times. In that time, two major holidays have happened. You hop in your car after Thanksgiving, drive around your village, the third time you hit that gas station, it's Christmas. Maybe two. You'll be at a pump, 'Jumping Christ! It's Christmas! I didn't get anybody anything. Hope they like gas station hot dogs and beef jerky. Thank you, Wawa! It's a Christmas miracle.'
13,904 Listens of RhineStone Cowboy
You can ONLY listen to Country Music Superstar's Glenn Campbell sing Rhinestone Cowboy 13,904 times between Thanksgiving and Christmas. That's insane. Day after Thanksgiving, you lock your iPhone into Rhinestone Cowboy, gear that sucker up 13,904 times, and it's Christmas. Hey, you might love the song enough that the first listen is Christmas. But you'd be an idiot and wrong. It's 13,904 til Christmas.
Really Long Arms
If you had SUPER long arms, you could reach from Thanksgiving to Christmas. Easy. I mean, you need REALLY long arms. Arms long enough to reach into the future and bring two days with some distance between them together, but, it COULD be done. Arms that break the space time continuum and reach towards a day in the future or past, depending on where you are at the time? POSSible between these two days.
Twitter @nathanmacintosh