When I was growing up, I would see movies with strip clubs in them
where strippers were only topless. I thought nothing of just seeing a
topless stripper. I thought that was just the way that strip clubs were.
topless woman dancing in a thong, huh? I wonder if that's really how
strip clubs are? What am I talking about?! I'm thirteen and stayed up
until three in the morning to see this! This is great!"
The first time I went
to a strip club I was eighteen and it was in Quebec City. These women
were beyond naked. Naked to an insane degree. It was as if I was looking at an X-ray of them. So I figured that the strip clubs in movies and shows like The
Sopranos were just for TV and movies. Then I went to a strip club in
America, and found out that they exist. Topless-only strip clubs. I
thought they were filming something.
"Whoa! Did we walk onto a movie set? Is De Niro in this one?"
"What? No. This is a strip club."
"Oh, I get you. You're reading lines. I'll just step over here. Hey, do you think I could get some background performer money?"
Strip clubs where strippers are only topless. Strip clubs where strippers half strip.
goes my bra. Ahh, I don't feel like taking off the rest. I've had a
long day! I've been taking it off for hours. Here are tits and legs. Are
you REALLY going to complain about this?"
Yes. Yes I am.
not that the vagina HAS to be seen; it's just disrespectful to everyone
in the building to think that it cannot be dealt with. It's
disrespectful to the men who are being told they couldn't contain
themselves if one came out, and disrespectful to the women who own
them. What are they saying? Something is wrong with it?
"I would like to be a stripper."
Get naked...whoa! Not FULLY naked. I just meant take your shirt off.
Wow. You said you wanted to be a stripper, right? Not get a physical.
Jesus. Put your pants on and get out. A vagina? With no warning? You
just ruined my Tuesday, madam."
reason that a vagina should not be seen in a strip club. Why would we
not show them? Are these strippers' vaginas broken? Is that why they
have to keep it hidden?
"Ladies and gentleman, due to a
terrible 'doing the splits' accident last night that completely
shattered her vagina in four places, Lexus's vagina will not be appearing
"Wow. Four places. I hope it's okay. Glad she
didn't crack her breasts swinging on the pole. What would I watch if that happened? I mean, I have to dodge
my wife somewhere."
Does a strip club that is
just topless entertain anyone? Honestly. Just topless? Is this a grade
eight dance? Is Brian McKnight playing?
"I think this girl
made a great choice stripping to 'Back at One'. What a lovely song. I'm
not going to get a lap dance from her. I'm going to ask her if she wants
to slow dance."
A woman taking her top off is not a 'strip club'. It's a college dorm room on a Friday.
"Woooo! I'm taking my shirt off!"
God! I thought this was college. I didn't know it was a strip club! Who
do I give my money to? Do I have to pay a cover? I'm already inside."
New Orleans during Mardi Gras, women take their shirts off for beads.
Is New Orleans during Mardi Gras a strip club? An open concept strip
"You ever been to a strip club that has cars in it before?"
"Naw, it's pretty weird. Where are the strippers?"
"See that girl carrying her heels and throwing up into an Arby's bag?"
"Ah, God. That's terrible."
"Yeah, but it's free, man. Just offer her these beads."
"Not while she's throwing up! Huh. He'll never make that mistake again."
explanation I've heard as to why there are no vaginas shown is that 'if
strippers took their panties off, men would grab them.' My Jesus, I
can't even. I've been to many strip clubs in Canada, and they are almost
the quietest places you can go to. Other than 2Chainz pounding, it's
pretty silent. Nobody is touching girls. Nobody is even screaming. Men
are not looking at strippers with their eyes popping out of their heads.
It's men drinking, looking at naked women and barely talking. It's a
library with tits.
"Hey, you are gorge..."
"Oh, sorry. I was just trying to pay you a compliment."
"Well, pay one the way everyone does in here. Look at her while she's dancing as if you are watching taxes being filed."
lot of women who haven't gone to strip clubs think it's the Wild West
in there. Men swinging from chandeliers, punching people, throwing
drinks, grabbing women who are walking around. It's not like that at
all. It's more like a lot of men paying attention. Men are just like
kids. We have pretty short attention spans. You ever see a kid who's
freaking out, wanting a toy or a bottle and when they get it they calm
down? That's men seeing naked women. And at strip clubs, it's a constant
stream of naked women, so we stay calm the whole time.
"Where's that stripper going? What's happening? I don't want to go back to my thoughts! Someone better get naked again in front of me right now or I'll... Oh. Here's another. Ahhhh. Almost started thinking about all of the mistakes I've made."
are actually some strip clubs in America where women are completely
naked, but in places that are all nude, you can't buy alcohol. No
alcohol. In a strip club!
"Can I get a Coke? I'm about to get a
lap dance, and I want to make sure my thirst is sufficiently quenched
beforehand. Actually, do you have a Gatorade? I'm thinking the sight of
her ass made me lose some electrolytes."
No alcohol in a strip club where women are naked? How does that make any sense?
got a couple of rules here, but the most important is, if a vagina is
out, lock up the booze. If booze is out, lock up the vagina! They cannot
occupy the same space."
"What if a bottle of rum falls out of the cupboard when a vagina is out doing its vagina thing?"
"...Then God help us all."
just figure this out here. Guns in America? Cool. Vagina at a STRIP
CLUB? Not cool. Assault rifle under your kitchen table just incase an
assassin jumps through your window while you are baking a quiche? Cool. A
woman taking her clothes off fully at a STRIP CLUB. Not cool. I...