Nathan Macintosh

Welcome to the website for comedian Nathan Macintosh! 

You can find show dates, Videos, Blog, Instagram, Twitter, Album 'I Wasn't Talking', and Podcast 'Positive Anger' 

http://apple.co/1XJ7raY

 

For bookings contact:

Don Buchwald And Associates: 

New York Office

Conan Smith: (212) 867-1200

 

Hipsters.


People seem to really despise hipsters. People hate them. People who aren't hipsters, that is. Hipsters seem to hate hipsters even more!
"Damn, dirty hipsters and their dress shoes from the twenties. God, I hate them. Hey, can you pass me my old camera that looks like I found it at the bottom of the ocean? Thanks."

Hipsters love vintage this, vintage that.
"I don't want NEW clothes. Are you insane? A cute little old man might not have died in my oversized cardigan if it were NEW? Wow."
Hipsters, though, are the FIRST people in line for new iPhones.
"My God, I can't wait to get the new iPhone!"
"Neither can I! Hey, have you seen the new Mission: Impossible?"
"Ugh, no! New movies have too much CGI. They haven't made a good movie since the sixties. As soon as I get this phone I'm going to tweet about what an idiot you are for watching new movies. Right after I download an app to see where I can still get old Beatles records."


Most hipsters don't seem to be comfortable. Most seem on edge. They're waiting to yell at someone. Most hipsters don't have a look on their face that says, "I'm comfortable with what I'm wearing." Most hipsters have a look of, "I dare you to ask about this ripped t-shirt with a random black guys face on it. Do it! I'm ready to explode!"
"Hey, I really like your glasses."
"Oh, yeah? You do? THEY'RE FAKE, ALL RIGHT? Are you happy now?! Why can't I just wear what I want? Why can't I be my own person?"
"...I just said I liked them."
"YOU'VE SAID ENOUGH!"

It seems that a lot of people dress like hipsters just because they don't know what else to do. Remember the guys in 2003 who wore FUBU jerseys who really didn't look like they should be wearing them because they didn't know what else to wear? If you knew me in 2003, you do.
"Nathan, you gonna get that large FUBU jersey, cuz?"
"Large! What am I? A girl? Extra large! Let's make this happen, awkwardness!"

Hipster fashion has taken over. If you're not dressing like a hipster right now, there are not too many other choices. You've got the small town guy who wears Affliction t-shirts and Fox Racing jackets.
"Get yer dam CCM twig outta my face, Darryl, before I have ta drive my Ford F150 to yer mom’s and just give er."
You can wear a suit all the time. 
"Get your damn CCM hockey stick out of my face, Darryl, before I have to take the bus to your mom’s and love her."

Just about everyone is dressing like a hipster. Even rappers now are dressing like hipsters! A few years ago, there was no way rappers would have worn tight things. There are no more 'rapper'-looking rappers.
"Whoa, that guy’s a rapper? He looks like he should be skipping an eighth grade math class."
"You're dressed exactly like him."
"What! How did this happen?!"

It's funny when certain types of people come around to "be different". Goths, emos, hipsters. When everyone tries to be different, everyone ends up being the same.
"I'm not like everyone else! Their wool hats are orange. Mine is blue! Clear difference."
Who isn't a hipster right now? You can't throw Kings of Leon's first CD without hitting a hipster on a bike made during the era of the Titanic.
"Ow! Oh, nice! This was before they became mainstream. God, what is this – a compact disc? It's vinyl or nothing with me. Can you throw a cassette of this at me at least?"

A lot of hipsters don't like mainstream music, movies or culture. And that's fine, but there is no reason to act as if you are better than people when they don't know what you are talking about.
"Have you heard of The Hamster Carts?"
"No, I haven't. What kind of mus..."
"Of course you haven't! They only put out one song then destroyed their instruments."
"...then why did you ask me i..."
"I've turned my suspenders towards you, sir! Good day!"

Hipster neighborhoods are INSANELY gross. It's not hip to clean your surroundings? All of their neighborhoods look like the decks of pirate ships in the fourteenth century.
"Do any garbage men come through this part of town? If that pile of trash gets any bigger, you could put nine rooms in it. Oh, wait. There's one."
"He's not a garbage man. He's my friend, Wolf. He likes to dress like a city worker."

Hipster bars in these neighborhoods seem to not want you in them.
"Can I get a rum and Coke?"
"Yeah, I guess. It's coming in a mason jar."
"Cool. Sometimes I like to act as if I'm on a plantation in the twenties. Is there anywhere to sit?"
"Ugh, we don't have chairs. Everyone sits down. Stand outside."

Hipsters themselves sometimes don't really keep themselves any different than their neighborhoods. Hipster girls’ hands and feet are dirty as truck drivers. It's like they've been moving rocks down at the quarry all day, barefoot. 
Every hipster girl has a bird foot as well. A tattoo of a bird on their foot. Bird foot! BIRD FOOT! How did you all decide to get the exact same tattoo, in the exact same place?
"Hey, hey. We're all gonna dress and talk the same way anyway. Why don’t we all get bird feet? It'll be hilarious!"
"Then we will at least be less awkward with each other!"
"Slow down, all right! One thing at a time. Ow! How did we bump heads? You're way over there!"

There's no way that hipster girls are trying to have sex with anyone. Doesn't make any sense. Hipster girls act like every eight-year-old boy from the nineties.
"I love Super Nintendo! Fresh Prince of Bel-Air was a little over the top at points, but I love it! I couldn't be any more awkward if I had been raised underground!"
The only guy that could be attracted to a girl who acts the way he did in grade eight, is a pedophile.
"Hmm. You act and kinda look like the little boys that I'm into, but you're legal? My lucky day!"
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