Cell phone companies/call centers
Most people who work in a call center would love to be hit in the face by a meteor. I took the road of calling in sick 4 out of my 5 shifts a week.
I get it, working there is awful, but calling in is just as awful. These companies do not care. When you have an actual problem with your phone or service, they put you on hold for hours.
"Oh, the buttons blew right off your phone for no reason? Man, too bad. Let me put you on hold for an hour while I connect you to the 'button blow-off' department."
When you want to pay money, though? They're pretty good about answering that call. "Oh, let me take care of that for you. Payment Department? Hahaha, no, we can all except funds. Yeah, anything. Whatever you have, we want it. The other day I accepted teeth a grave robber had dug up. Oh, you're also experiencing reception problems? Eeeeek! Let me put you on hold."
The beginning of the call they try to make it seem as if they have a heart. As if they care about your time.
"We're experiencing a higher-than-normal wait time. Please be patient."
Thanks for the warning, but no, you're not. These are pretty normal. It's always a long wait! I've never heard,
"Wow! We're experiencing a shorter-than-normal wait time. Apparently everyone else gave up after waiting for two hours and hung up. You're lucky: you're going right in!"
These positive reinforcements keep coming as you wait.
"Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us."
The part that is cut out of this recording is the snickering that was done right after it was said.
"Your call is important to us. HAHAHAHA."
"Oh, that's funny. Imagine a guy sitting there who has to go out, but also has to talk to us, getting angry, and he hears 'Your call is important to us?' Because, it's totally not! It's like saying it's not you, it's me! I just wish there was a way we could see their faces!"
Just say what should be said.
"Listen, we're upset that you have a problem and had to call. Do you always want to work? Of course not. It's gonna take a while, because the person who should answer this works in a cubicle with florescent lights screaming down on them for 10 hours, so they may have gone to get a Mars bar. And look at that attractive person at the end of their row, who's beside the really unattractive person who thinks this fluorescent-lit, working-in-a-cube thing is a good job. So, just hold the phone, all right?"
The inventors of these companies should not be heralded as heroes. No roads named after them. Would you name your street after a person who kidnapped you and made you bend to their will? No? Then Ted Rogers doesn't get a road. And yes, he was a Canadian radio pioneer, but his cell phone company destroys that whole legacy.