People that should be paid more money.
1. Pilots.
Man, come on. Pilots? Pilots need more money. Every single time they land, they are saving your life. Every time they take a plane from the air, not throw it into a tail spin that leads to a fiery crash over the woods of Kentucky, land that plane with a couple hundred people on it? Saving lives. These people, sometimes, sometimes not, are making about a hundred grand a year. A hundred grand. A year. To save lives every day. Now, some will say, 'How is landing saving lives? It's them doing their jobs.' Sure, one way to look at it. If someone in a restaurant makes you a great burger, that is them doing their job. If they forget to put pickles on it, you are not in a tube that is about to explode on impact. You see what I'm saying? Pay these damn people more.
2. Truck Drivers.
Wooooaaaaaaa, truck drivers. Truck drivers have had jokes made about them for years. People say they are stupid, useless, fat, ugly, that they kill hookers. Haven't heard those things? Well, you would if you came to my house! Boom! Kidding. We can agree though that they are not looked upon as high level humans. BUT, without truck drivers, we pretty much wouldn't have nothing! Where does produce in the stores come from? How does your iPad make it to your nearest Apple mirrored funhouse? A fat, hooker killing truck driver drove it in. Okay, no more jokes about them being awful. They are great. They bring us everything we need. And how much do they make for this? Not too much. Around fifty grand a year. Fifty grand a year, to bring us things we can't live without! AND, they have to drive hours and hours, not sleep enough, not enough good food on the road, AND they don't get paid well, AND we don't respect them. Absolutely insane. More money to these people.
3. Cops.
Yes, all rappers hate them. Rappers hate them, which makes kids and white people in their 20's who refuse to mature at all hate them as well.
"Yo, fuck the cops."
"Why? You're a white guy from a suburb. They hurt you in any way?"
"Yeah. One time I was drinking in the woods underage and they took my Colt 45. Fuck these damn cops."
Cops are very necessary. There are for sure some bad cops. But that shouldn't make us hate them all. When we hear about serial killers, or baby eaters, or rapists, who goes after these people? You? A person who likes snap back hats and rolled cuffs on their jeans? You gonna hunt down the baby eating rapists? You gonna throw on one of the capes that Cam'ron made and hit the streets? Doubt it. Cops do. Cops in NY start at about thirty grand a year. After years, they can make around ninety grand a year. Ninety grand a year. To get shot at, stop a guy from cutting his wife's head off, be the first into a house where a child was just ripped in half, AND have everyone hate them. Cops need more money, man.
4. McDonald's Employees working night shift.
How in the HELL do people who work at McDonalds from seven am to four pm make as much money as these heros who work from ten pm to five am? HOW? One has a busy shift, and the other has a busy shift while basically being on fire. Saying day shift should make as much as night shift is like saying whoever made the website for the marines should be paid as much as a goddamn marine who goes to war. We ever hear of danger pay? That's what the night shift McDoanlds people should get. Ninety percent of their shift is dealing with people who are too drunk to be anywhere else.
"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. You're too drunk for this place. "
"Whatever. I'm not too drunk for McDonald's. I'll go over there and fight someone for a McFlurry."
McDonald's fight videos are almost always at night. People getting dragged out of the drive thru, getting swung at our a cash register, having people drive through the front window. And THEY don't make more money? Come on! A guy coming in at eleven am might fight you, but a guy coming in at two am tweaking on vodka and female rejection? He might bite you. You should be paid more for that.
Twitter @nathanmacintosh
A key gave up.
A key on my computer just stopped working. Just straight gave up. Why? Did I spi something? Nope. This dude, this azy ass key just stopped coming to work.
"Yo, we NEED you, man. You know how many words we can't spe when you aren't here? ook! Right there! That sentence is messed up because of you. Get to work!"
"... Naw, man. I don't think I've been getting the respect I deserve. I'm out! And I'm not going to et you spe etter, ove, spi , a tercation, none of those! How does that fee ? Huh? How does that FEE !?"
Yep. That's the key. The key forme y known as here. The key. I'm going to keep writing without it because I have to. It gave up at a great time. I need to have three b ogs done before this month is done. He knows this. We've been doing it for a most three years now. Myse f and the man himse f, the key. This has made me think of something that's being going through my head for awhi e now.
I make things as hard as possib e on myse f. What do I mean? I mean this computer is over six years o d. Can I get another one? Yep. I cou d, but for whatever reason I just dea with things. I have an iPhone 3gs. Is it amazing? Of course it. The fact that this techno ogy was made in the first p ace is amazing. Has app e started to make phones that are faster? That work better? Yes. Cou d I get one? Yep. But, I make things hard for the sake of it. Now I'm not saying that that means to run out and buy every sing e new thing that app e puts out. But, it's not a ways the best idea to just dea with things. Sometimes it gets you here. No damn key.
Another examp e of making things hard? Recent y my mom bought me a uggage set. With whee s. Put my uggage in a bag with whee s for the first time. It was insane! I'm whee ing around the airport, just ki ing it! Why was this so insane? Because before this I was using a duff e bag. Duff e bag with no whee s. I was carrying my uggage through airports, for YEARS, as if this was 1979.
"Can I see your boarding pass, sir?"
"Is 'My Sharona' by The Knack the number one song of the year?"
"... That a joke?"
"... What year is this!?"
Whee s comp ete y b ew my mind! I'm ro ing a over the p ace, just osing my mind!
"Why in the he did I not have these before?! Why have I been CARRYING a bag a this time! I don't have to do this?! I NEVER had to. I'm wa king through the airport ike a wrest er from the 80's. ove those guys, but MAN."
I cou d have gotten uggage. I shou d have. I trave enough to have whee s. Whee s! But why didn't I have them? I kept saying that I cou dn't afford uggage, or that I didn't need whee s. Now, you don't NEED whee s, but man! Makes things much simp er in the airport. I can now whee my bag through security. I used to put my duff e bag on the ground, and kick it through. Used to just boot it out in front of me. Kicking a damn bag in front of other humans. KICKING my things across an airport f oor.
"Step forward, p ease."
(Soccer kicks be ongings forward.)
"Woooooo! I'm rea y iving, here! Kicking my stuff! How you guys, iving? Kicking my stuff!"
Even on- ine I make things hard. I refused to get twitter for the first coup e of years. I don't rea y have a great reason as to why. Just refused. Makes it hard to stay in touch with peop e after shows and such. It's va uab e. Instagram? I signed up for it two days ago! Peop e have had it for years. Te ing me that I shou d have it. Wou dn't. And now that I have it, I ike it more than twitter! The videos on it are just fun to make. Peop e have come up to me after shows and asked if I had it. Didn't. Did they fo ow me? How cou d they! Another way to just make things harder and fight things that make existence a bit easier.
I make things hard as we by thinking that everything is going wrong. I usua y ive with that perspective of what I'm doing. Terrib e thing to do that just impedes progress. I don't rea y take any credit for where I've gotten. I'm getting better with it, though. I'm going to get fixing this button. The whee s have inspired me. The next b og wi have every etter in it, and ife wi be a itt e easier.
Twitter @nathanmacintosh
Talking to my younger self.
- Playing all this Goldeneye is WORTH IT. Its a great game, great times, and it goes down as one of the best games ever. Every once in awhile someone will bring it up in conversation.
"Man, Goldeneye was great! What a great game!"
You will be apart of that conversation. Skip school, put that difficulty on 00 agent, and remember, grade six and seven aren't really important. You ain't missing nothing. Nobody will EVER ask you if you remember the cheat codes for grade six. Or if you got passed that level in grade seven. I'm dead serious. NEVER.
- Keeping with the theme of video games, you're never going to forget the 'big cheat' code for Turok: Dinosaur Hunter. No, I'm serious. You're going to forget your moms birthday at some point, a girlfriends, but the big cheat? NTHGTHDGDCRTDTRK. Never going anywhere. You'll be in front of the internet one day and not use it to find this! For whatever reason, this damn thing stays with you. You'll even remember what it means. 'On The Eighth Day God Created Turok.' Why the hell does this stay with you?! I don't know, tiny Nathan, but it does.
- Everyone who is a decent human being will one day LOVE your red hair. And better yet, you will. Yes, right now, in grade two, it sucks. These people are dummies and need ANYTHING at all to tear apart. That, my tiny six year old friend, is you. But one day, those same people will think it's cool that you have different hair than the disgusting brown and black hair that they have. They'll realize that EVERYONE has brown and black hair. That sucks, yo! But by that time, who cares! Because you like it. People will actually DYE their hair red! Can you believe it? People hated it so much, then tried to get it. And when that happens, when a girl walks up and says, 'I have red hair too!', and it's this bright, radioactive type red, you get to say, 'that ain't red hair!'
- 'Talking back' to teachers, (their terminology), is a goddamn good thing. These people are not Czars. They are not above questioning. They are teachers and should be ASKED QUESTIONS. They use the term 'talking back' when they simply DO NOT want to deal with you. If you are a student they like, or they can answer your question with ease, then you are not 'talking back'. You are just being a student. If they don't like you, or don't want to deal with your question? YOU, sir, are 'talking back'. 'Talking back' gets you sent to the office, suspended, expelled, and one day, one of the most favourite things you will own is an expulsion letter written with nothing but lies. Talk back, son!
- Hey, five year old Nathan, don't go into that tree house! You fall out of it, land on a ladder directly on your business, have the worst pain you've ever felt and then pass out. When you wake up, you're naked from the waist down with your mom and a doctor staring at you. The doctor says something about you may not being able to have kids in the future, then makes you run from wall to wall in the room naked to show your mom you'll be fine. Can you have kids? I don't know! Older you hasn't checked that out yet. STAY OUTTA THAT TREEHOUSE!
- The best job you'll have is the job you wanted the least. Working at a fast food restaurant. You'll look back on that place twelve years later and go, 'boom! Great job! All the people there were great! WAY better than working at that call center. Now THAT was trash.' So, don't think you're above the job. Just take it and enjoy. It was a sweet one.
- Working at that call center will be TRASH. You're going to work there for two months, call in sick four of the five shifts you have a week, and fake sick on that fifth day. BUT, you're going to walk out one day with a friend of yours. You're going to hang up on people and send them to spanish care. It's a sweet day that you need to experience. TAKE THAT TRASH JOB!
twitter @nathanmacintosh