A key gave up.

A key on my computer just stopped working. Just straight gave up. Why? Did I spi   something? Nope. This dude, this  azy ass key just stopped coming to work.
"Yo, we NEED you, man. You know how many words we can't spe   when you aren't here?  ook! Right there! That sentence is messed up because of you. Get to work!"
"... Naw, man. I don't think I've been getting the respect I deserve. I'm out! And I'm not going to  et you spe  etter,  ove, spi  , a tercation, none of those! How does that fee ? Huh? How does that FEE !?"

Yep. That's the key. The key forme y known as here. The  key. I'm going to keep writing without it because I have to. It gave up at a great time. I need to have three b ogs done before this month is done. He knows this. We've been doing it for a most three years now. Myse f and the man himse f, the  key. This has made me think of something that's being going through my head for awhi e now.

I make things as hard as possib e on myse f. What do I mean? I mean this computer is over six years o d. Can I get another one? Yep. I cou d, but for whatever reason I just dea with things. I have an iPhone 3gs. Is it amazing? Of course it. The fact that this techno ogy was made in the first p ace is amazing. Has app e started to make phones that are faster? That work better? Yes. Cou d I get one? Yep. But, I make things hard for the sake of it. Now I'm not saying that that means to run out and buy every sing e new thing that app e puts out. But, it's not a ways the best idea to just dea with things. Sometimes it gets you here. No damn  key.

Another examp e of making things hard? Recent y my mom bought me a  uggage set. With whee s. Put my  uggage in a bag with whee s for the first time. It was insane! I'm whee ing around the airport, just ki  ing it! Why was this so insane? Because before this I was using a duff e bag. Duff e bag with no whee s. I was carrying my  uggage through airports, for YEARS, as if this was 1979.
"Can I see your boarding pass, sir?"
"Is 'My Sharona' by The Knack the number one song of the year?"
"... That a joke?"
"... What year is this!?"
Whee s comp ete y b ew my mind! I'm ro  ing a   over the p ace, just  osing my mind!
"Why in the he   did I not have these before?! Why have I been CARRYING a bag a   this time! I don't have to do this?! I NEVER had to. I'm wa king through the airport  ike a wrest er from the 80's.  ove those guys, but MAN."
I cou d have gotten  uggage. I shou d have. I trave  enough to have whee s. Whee s! But why didn't I have them? I kept saying that I cou dn't afford  uggage, or that I didn't need whee s. Now, you don't NEED whee s, but man! Makes things much simp er in the airport. I can now whee  my bag through security. I used to put my duff e bag on the ground, and kick it through. Used to just boot it out in front of me. Kicking a damn bag in front of other humans. KICKING my things across an airport f oor.
"Step forward, p ease."
(Soccer kicks be ongings forward.)
"Woooooo! I'm rea  y  iving, here! Kicking my stuff! How you guys,  iving? Kicking my stuff!"

Even on- ine I make things hard. I refused to get twitter for the first coup e of years. I don't rea  y have a great reason as to why. Just refused. Makes it hard to stay in touch with peop e after shows and such. It's va uab e. Instagram? I signed up for it two days ago! Peop e have had it for years. Te  ing me that I shou d have it. Wou dn't. And now that I have it, I  ike it more than twitter! The videos on it are just fun to make. Peop e have come up to me after shows and asked if I had it. Didn't. Did they fo  ow me? How cou d they! Another way to just make things harder and fight things that make existence a bit easier.

I make things hard as we   by thinking that everything is going wrong. I usua  y  ive with that perspective of what I'm doing. Terrib e thing to do that just impedes progress. I don't rea  y take any credit for where I've gotten. I'm getting better with it, though. I'm going to get fixing this button. The whee s have inspired me. The next b og wi   have every  etter in it, and  ife wi   be a  itt e easier.

Twitter @nathanmacintosh

Talking to my younger self.

I hear people every once in awhile say hat they would say to their younger self if they could. Most times it has to do with going to college, or buying some stock in a super rich company, or telling themselves that algebra is useless. I thought about it, and here are a couple things I'd tell my younger self.

- Playing all this Goldeneye is WORTH IT. Its a great game, great times, and it goes down as one of the best games ever. Every once in awhile someone will bring it up in conversation.
"Man, Goldeneye was great! What a great game!"
You will be apart of that conversation. Skip school, put that difficulty on 00 agent, and remember, grade six and seven aren't really important. You ain't missing nothing. Nobody will EVER ask you if you remember the cheat codes for grade six. Or if you got passed that level in grade seven. I'm dead serious. NEVER.

"Oh, buddy. You're gonna regret me not going to school today."

- Keeping with the theme of video games, you're never going to forget the 'big cheat' code for Turok: Dinosaur Hunter. No, I'm serious. You're going to forget your moms birthday at some point, a girlfriends, but the big cheat? NTHGTHDGDCRTDTRK. Never going anywhere. You'll be in front of the internet one day and not use it to find this! For whatever reason, this damn thing stays with you. You'll even remember what it means. 'On The Eighth Day God Created Turok.' Why the hell does this stay with you?! I don't know, tiny Nathan, but it does.

"I really should have worn a shirt. It looks like it's going to rain crayons."

- Everyone who is a decent human being will one day LOVE your red hair. And better yet, you will. Yes, right now, in grade two, it sucks. These people are dummies and need ANYTHING at all to tear apart. That, my tiny six year old friend, is you. But one day, those same people will think it's cool that you have different hair than the disgusting brown and black hair that they have. They'll realize that EVERYONE has brown and black hair. That sucks, yo! But by that time, who cares! Because you like it. People will actually DYE their hair red! Can you believe it? People hated it so much, then tried to get it. And when that happens, when a girl walks up and says, 'I have red hair too!', and it's this bright, radioactive type red, you get to say, 'that ain't red hair!'

"I was in a chemical explosion in a candy factory. My superpower? Having a hair colour that makes no sense at all. I call it 'Wet Box of NeRdS. Look it up. It's how Mr. Wonka spells it."

- 'Talking back' to teachers, (their terminology), is a goddamn good thing. These people are not Czars. They are not above questioning. They are teachers and should be ASKED QUESTIONS. They use the term 'talking back' when they simply DO NOT want to deal with you. If you are a student they like, or they can answer your question with ease, then you are not 'talking back'. You are just being a student. If they don't like you, or don't want to deal with your question? YOU, sir, are 'talking back'. 'Talking back' gets you sent to the office, suspended, expelled, and one day, one of the most favourite things you will own is an expulsion letter written with nothing but lies. Talk back, son!

"You. Ask me again why I'm holding this tiny satellite thing one more time, and I'm going to beat you with it. Clear? Now shut up and learn."

- Hey, five year old Nathan, don't go into that tree house! You fall out of it, land on a ladder directly on your business, have the worst pain you've ever felt and then pass out. When you wake up, you're naked from the waist down with your mom and a doctor staring at you. The doctor says something about you may not being able to have kids in the future, then makes you run from wall to wall in the room naked to show your mom you'll be fine. Can you have kids? I don't know! Older you hasn't checked that out yet. STAY OUTTA THAT TREEHOUSE!

"Can he have kids? I don't know. Will he forget me making him run naked? Never!"

- The best job you'll have is the job you wanted the least. Working at a fast food restaurant. You'll look back on that place twelve years later and go, 'boom! Great job! All the people there were great! WAY better than working at that call center. Now THAT was trash.' So, don't think you're above the job. Just take it and enjoy. It was a sweet one.

This is the actual A&W that I worked at when I was 16. I stole a bunch of chicken from this place.

- Working at that call center will be TRASH. You're going to work there for two months, call in sick four of the five shifts you have a week, and fake sick on that fifth day. BUT, you're going to walk out one day with a friend of yours. You're going to hang up on people and send them to spanish care. It's a sweet day that you need to experience. TAKE THAT TRASH JOB!

"Hey! Nobody working in a call center smiles like this. If you see someone doing it, it's because they're about to kill themselves, or quit! I'm a paid actor. YOU WILL NOT HAVE FUN HERE!"

twitter @nathanmacintosh

Holding yourself back.

I believe a lot of us are guilty of this. I am. I almost stop myself from writing and putting out these blogs every time. Would it really matter if I did? Yes and no. The world itself wouldn't mind too much. That's not a sad statement, just is. But I would be upset with myself. Because I stopped myself from putting out something that I wanted to put out. I stopped myself from creating something because of what others would think, not think, what's been done before. So on and so on. It would matter to me if I didn't, because it would hurt knowing that I held myself back from doing it for whatever reason.

A lot of people want to create something. A lot do, but even more stop themselves. Why? One reason, fear that it won't be any good. That one doesn't make too much sense, because the thing you're doing probably won't be good right away. That is just a given. It's supposed to be bad. But should you not do it for that reason? No. If everyone did that, we'd have nothing. We probably wouldn't even have chairs.
"I'm thinking of building this thing for people to sit on. I don't know, though. It might not work."
"Yeah. don't even bother."
"You're right. I don't want to make something that breaks. Or worse, something that NO ONE uses. Let's go do nothing ever and not try."
People who create things have doubts about it as well, but they still put in the effort to do it.

Some people stop themselves out of fear about how what they are creating will be perceived. Just put out what you want to put out. At some point I'm sure people told George Lucas that Star Wars sounded like an awful idea. There might have even been a point where it sounded dumb to him.
"What the hell was that thought I just had? A guy with a microwave on his chest is the father of some other wiener? And there's a big ape thing, and some weird robots that have a very strange relationship to each other? Am I going crazy?! People are not gonna want to see this! Well, I'll write it anyway and see what happens."
You just do it. You just start doing it. The people you've created in your head who may or may not like this probably don't exist. Who are they? Who are these people that are waiting for you to create something that they can destroy? You're probably making them up!
"People are going to hate this thing I want to make."
"What people? Where?"
"The people! The people out there! The people that also have doubts about their own lives! They're gonna hate me!"

Seems to be the difference between people who create and people who don't is trying. Just trying and doing. The difference between an author and someone who wants to write a book, is that the author did. That's really it. They started and kept writing. Were the first things they wrote good? Probably not. But they kept doing it, and now they have a book or books. They tried. If you are someone who wants to write books and doesn't, are the people who do some sort of mystic creatures who have a power to churn out a book without thinking about it? Could be true. More realistically they work at it a ton. Either way, no matter how they do what they do, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't do what you want to do.

People also hold themselves back by comparing themselves to others. By looking at what another human has, wanting it, and for some reason thinking that person is either more deserving, or because they have it you can never have it or do it or be it.
"Ah, god. Look. That person has exactly what I want with my life. And they have it NOW. I'll never have it."
"Why not?"
"Um, duh. Because THEY have it. How can TWO people both be video game developers in that company at the same time?"
"They have hundreds of developers."
"Geez, way to make me feel worse!"
It doesn't matter what other people are doing. Other people being successful does not mean that you can't be. Thinking that's true is just holding yourself back.

There are many ways one can hold themselves back. Not thinking they're worthy. Not thinking they are talented/beautiful/smart enough. Whatever the case may be. But you have to fight that.
"I can't do what? Suck me, brain! I'm doing it!"
'Suck me, brain!' is not for everybody. You can come up with your own phrase. May I suggest 'blow me, bud'? Or, 'Yo, go down on me, frontal lobe!'? Whichever one you feel comfortable with. Don't hold yourself back!