Problem with technology.

Technology is great, obviously. But now that we can do everything quick and easy, it's freed up more time for us to complain and be offended by every little thing. To be upset about everything from movies to jokes on shows. To blogs... like this one.

We did not used to be offended by everything that we saw. Not every little thing made us write letters. Not every slip up from a celebrity made us lose our minds, forget our kids at the mall and just start screaming. I don't remember people sitting around being offended at every little thing in the past. Why? Because it took a lot of work to get people to hear you. You had to make signs, you had to march, you had to actually call or email people. You couldn't just type some characters into twitter, you had to put in actual work.
"I'm very offended by what they are saying on this news program. But how do I let them know? I could write a letter. But then I have to actually go mail it. I could get a petition signed. That takes a lot of work. I could march in front of the building? Man, I'd need to get so many people together for that. Well, I guess that's it then. I'll call a friend and tell them."

Now with technology, it's much easier to be offended. Or at least, easier for the people who are offended to be heard. But a lot of people understand that not everything on this planet is for them. They don't always scream that the entire world is wrong, that everything is not up to par because they don't like something. If you are offended by things your rents probably paid. People who haven't figured that out yet are not worried to much by questionable jokes in sitcoms.
"What'd they just say about Latino's? Wow, that was... huh, a past due notice. Priority number one has reared it's ugly head once again."

Also, why do people feel they are above being offended? Who are you that you will walk this earth and never ever be offended? Nobody is above that. Everyone gets offended by things they see and hear, or has the ability to at least.

We didn't use to be offended by every thing so quick for one because we weren't directly in front of all media all the time. It wasn't so easy before.
"Did you see what some celebrity said on some show about a topic that doesn't mean anything anyway?"
"No. I was out and not near a TV."
"Okay, well I taped it. Whenever you're done fighting to get done the things it takes us time to do, come over and we'll fire it up."
You used to have to have a newspaper, be home, or be in a bar with a TV on to see something that happened. Now, it's right in your pocket. The second it happens. Another thing bad about that? People will post it as if they are CNN.
"Guys, breaking news! A car just crashed!"
Are you Dan Rather? Peter Mansbridge? Nobody is looking at your page for the news. Your tagline says, 'I'm a guy that likes cats, and tits, and cats with tits.' You are not a credible news source. Also, why the hell did people start deciding that when something is posted it's THEIR job to break it to the world? It's already been broken! That's why YOU know about it! You weren't the reporter, you weren't in that grocery store where a man threw up in a box of Cheerio's and closed the box back up. You basically plagiarized a story. You gotta re-break it? YOU'RE the definitive story breaker?
"Apparently a building just blew up! Saw it on Fox!"
"Let me check Terry's page... Yep, Terry just said a building blew up. It happened for sure."

You can tweet, blog, text a person, comment on something while you're on the bus. You can do ALL of those things before your stop. And are you offended? Of course you are! Because you have a device in your hand that let's you INSTANTLY tell people that you are! About everything! Signs, how a mother disciplined her own goddamn kid, a joke about black people that wouldn't offend black people but you are offended because you THINK they would be, who knows! It's a big world out there, and it's time to be offended by it. And why walk around looking for the good? Keep your feelers up constantly for the wrong. This roller coaster WOULD be fun, if it wasn't called 'Coal Miners'. God, doesn't this park know that coal mining is a very tough job? That one of your uncles was a coal miner and his lungs were full of so much black soot that they had to remove it and when they did it exploded in his face, filling his other lung with black soot? Let that park know the wrong they've done!

That just shows that we all have nothing to talk about but the technology in our hands to say and post it constantly. We have nothing to say, and all the time and technology in the world to say it. Why do I think that we don't have anything to say? Because we don't take any time before the last thing we said and the next to really think about anything. We are just reacting to things and posting them for content. At one point in time, people spoke and had opinions that HAD content. Now, these things are simply for content. Just so that we have things online. So that we let people who really don't care know what we think about things that don't matter.

What I'm not sure on, is where this all leads? Are we all supposed to be pod people who think and feel one specific way? Are we trying to cut out all 'negative' so people don't feel anymore? What is the end game! Where the hell are we going!? Do we all have to think they same? Do we all have to feel the same? Just because you're offended by something doesn't mean that everyone is. And if someone says something that offends you, it doesn't mean that all people that look like that person think the same offensive things! You know? Maybe it's just an isolated incident? Maybe it's just ONE person at that company that feels that way, not the whole company who you think should be lynched and burned at the same time. Maybe it's just A FEW white people that feel a certain way, not the whole goddamn race and everyone in it.

twitter @nathanmacintosh

The Way To Do Twitter.

Some people think twitter is just for jokes. Some people think it's just for news or used for keeping up to date with what's happening in the world. And then, there's others, who know EXACTLY what twitter should be used for. They follow a certain set of rules, and therefore, have the greatest time possible on the site. Here are some of those rules.

1. Use Twitter to tell someone they should die because they don't like what you like.
One of the greatest things about twitter is that you can let the people who you don't like the same things as you know exactly how they should die. And why not? They said something you don't agree with. Makes sense. They think Obama is doing a good job, you don't. Death. They like the Mets. Is there any amount of spikes through their face that's enough for this infraction? Absolutely not. They worked on something, put it out into the world and you don't like it. Well THAT'S a barrel of acid in their face and face of their whole family. I'm with you. Who do they think they are to not ask the whole world what they think of something before they put it out? Murder directly to their face. You're right. Send a tweet at them detailing all of these things. That's what it's here for.

2. Use Twitter for racist/hateful thoughts.
You can't just drive around yelling at EVERY type of person you hate. It takes so much damn time. And maybe you live in a place where most of the people you hate don't even live. How can you yell at THOSE people? Twitter has got you covered. Black people are terrible. All asian people are chinese. Gay people SHOULD be burned. Best is, you don't have to waste time writing a thesis. No need for a middle or closing arguments. No need to post it and ask others to read. Just get straight to the point. "Women are terrible!" "I can't stand Slovakians!" "Somebody tell Connie Chung that she should go back to Afghanistan! #Asia." There you go. Twitter will deliver that message. People will get this message, and they'll change their ways.

3. Use Twitter for thoughts about a documentary you just watched.
Yep, you watched a documentary, and instantly changed your mind about a topic. You think other people should as well. You think that all whales should be set free. Well, get on twitter. You can't believe that that's how these whales were treated. You thought that taking a whale out of it's habitat and putting it into a big bowl was a good thing. That the whales were kept at a persons house with the password to NetFlix when they weren't working. Hey, I'm with you. Makes sense. Who would have thought that trapping an animal and taking it away from it's family was a bad thing? Whales should be so excited that humans like them. Is there a Cockroach World? A Spider Land where we watch tarantulas do tricks? No. Because we hate those things and crush them on site. Take to twitter with the documentary thoughts. People that capture whales should be beaten within an inch of their life. You are outraged today, and twitter has got you covered.

4. Use Twitter to worry about what some idiot thinks.
You're scrolling through twitter, and you see somebody is pissed about some other guy. You check out that guy, and see it's some stupid preacher in the middle of nowhere who has a congregation of two hundred people who says that homosexuality is an abomination. Time to spend the day getting angry about it! 'How could he say that?' you tweet. 'Gay people are great people. I have so many gay friends' you type in one hundred and forty characters. Or you are gay. How could this complete loser, piece of garbage idiot think this way and say it to other loser, pieces of garbage people who believe it? It is time, to use your twitter to give them more attention. Start typing away, tweets at this man, to people who hadn't heard of this idiots hateful thoughts. Let everyone know what he said! I mean, that's kinda what he wanted. Get right in there and help him out. He hates gay people? You'll show him. You'll tell everyone about him. Crisis averted, and twitter was there.

5. Use Twitter to be the first to make a horrible joke about a tragedy.
A kid was just set on fire and thrown off a cliff. A whole city was destroyed by a maniac with a nuclear weapon. Horrible tragedy. What's that time for? Jokes. Jokes about what has happened. If you can be the first to be the most callous and disgusting person, maybe you'll get some sort of deal for something. Maybe you'll get more followers. The ULTIMATE thing! The people involved in this tragedy need jokes. That's for sure. They're carrying their arms, bleeding from the soul. I'd need a joke in that situation.
"Hey, man. You had glass blown into your face from that explosion. That's seven years bad luck!"
"Oww, hey... hahaha. That's great, man. Really funny, ow. Thanks! That's better than bandages."
Don't wait a day. Don't even wait an hour. Tweet out something hilarious about people in pain during the coverage. Good way to use twitter.

6. Use Twitter to let others know compliments you receive.

A lot of times people won't repeat compliments. They say them once and on days when you feel bad you can sit in a bed wondering what it's all for, trying to remember that compliment. Twitter has got you covered. Send that compliment out again, to everyone! It's a strange thing to do because it's not as if you're sending the compliment out to people who haven't heard of you. The compliment goes to people who are already following you. They know you're good! That's why they pushed the button. Are you trying to make your followers feel comfortable about their decision? Are you self conscience about their thoughts of you? Either way, good for you. You probably go up people at parties and tell them what others think about you. 

"Hey. Guess what that guy over there said about me? Said I'm PRETty awesome."

"Cool. I think the same thing. That's why I came to your party."

"Yeah, I know. But THAT guy, that you don't know, he also thinks I'm PRETty awesome."

Twitter @nathanmacintosh

I'm hated by real people, but how am I doing online?

The online world is more important to people than the real world. Nobody cares about how they are perceived in reality anymore. People just want to know that online they are killing it. That they are being heard and seen. Even if their actual friends are willing to listen to them, they want to know that people care online.
"I'll listen to you tell that story of how the bus driver wronged you in some way."
"Yeah, but who the hell are you? You're just a friend I've had for ten years. Your opinion is not a strangers opinion. Sorry, but I'll pass. Hey, selfie! I want fake friends to know that I have actual friends. Stop looking like we're not friends! We're having the best time."
The real world is becoming less and less important to people, while the online world keeps becoming more and more so.

People seem to be fine with how things are going in their actual life. Credit scores, debts, unpaid bills don't matter. What matters is how you appear online. How am I doing there?
"Can't pay rent. Lost my job. But yo, that picture I put up? People love it!"
BANG BANG BANG
"Hey, your rent is due! It's a month late!"
"... Oh, good. That came from the door and not my computer. I thought I was being kicked off the internet. How could I check out all the likes on this picture!?"
"That's it! You're evicted!"
"Oh, god. Just let me send out this tweet! 'Just got evicted. #MyLandLordIsADick #StartedFromTheBottom
Someone calls you a stupid idiot in the street? That's not true. You have twenty five likes on your  clever status update!
"Who cares what these losers in reality are saying? Whatever. I'm not stupid. Twenty five people I don't care about liked my witty comment. I'm smart as hell today!"

You can tell people care more because they're way more upset when things don't get likes on line than in real life. They'll put it up, and keep checking to see if anyone liked it or commented on it.
"Remember that thing I said a minute ago about how I think the waiter is too slow and the clever analogy I came up with about it? Yeah. No one online liked it."
"I liked it! It was hilarious. Those people are stupid."
"Don't call my followers stupid! They mean everything to me! EVERYTHING!"
Nobody cares if real people don't like something. You don't like someone's shirt? Whatever. They'll probably take a picture of it and put it online to see what other people think to prove you wrong.
"You don't like these earrings? You're dumb. I'll post them. Oh, look! Jessica already liked them. Oh! And Steve just said, 'I'd love to see those on my floor while I'm hitting that from behind.' See. You're dumb. These earrings are great."

People are so upset when things DON'T get 'likes'. Likes! And retweets. That's all anyone is after anymore. People can't even just enjoy a meal anymore without putting up a picture of it. And I bet it just doesn't taste as good if people don't 'like' it.

"Oh, man. Nobody likes this filet mignon I ordered. Ah, boy. Excuse me, could you pack this up and then throw it directly into the garbage? It didn't get ONE like or retweet. I can't eat it."

People spend tons of time creating their online persona, too. Is everyone really as busy as they try to make themselves out to be? Is EVERYONE Richard Branson? People are never not on their phone. Never not posting video. Never not tweeting or commenting. Never not texting. Who are you talking to? You hand out menu's at Denny's. How the hell can you have this hectic a schedule?

"Oh, god. Sorry. Just got another text from the night manager. She can't find which page the greek salad is on. I know, right? Page four. I've told her so many times. Okay, what were you saying about your cancer? Oh, god. Another text. Now she doesn't know which page the desserts are on. I swear, this woman. Go on. You've got cancer, don't know how much time you have. I'm listening. Go."

You can get jobs in the real world based on the amount of followers and friends you have in the online world. Actual jobs. That wouldn't work the other way around.

"Okay. How many friends do you have?"

"Ummm. I don't know. Like twenty two?"

"Only twenty two? Are you serious? What are you some kind of loser? You touch kids? We can't have you working here. We need someone with thousands of friends. Millions even!"

"How can someone have millions of friends?"

"I don't know, kid toucher. You'll sure as hell never know. Now please leave my office. I have to post to my millions of friends that a creepy kid toucher was just here."

People on online sites get so angry about other peoples personas and what they put up. Nobody likes anything else anyone is saying.

"I don't want to see pictures of your kids. I don't want to hear your thoughts on Syria. I don't want to see pictures of your food. I don't care that you like chocolate. I don't want to be invited to play games. I don't care about these memes. I don't want to know you're dog is doing okay. I don't care about your relationship status. I don't want to see pictures of you at the park."

Then you don't want to be on facebook! Stop complaining about it and shut it down. 

People love the people who created the stuff that allows us to constantly be adding to our online persona's, too. The late and powerful Jobs. People would dig him up and blow him.
"I sucked it! I sucked the oracles penis! Give me a free iPhone! I sucked it!"
Why? Because he was apart of making something that now you can never put down? Something you'd rather puke than leave your house with?
"But now because of Jobs, my phone does things that it couldn't before. I can check into places. I can record concerts that I'm at and watch them later which I'll never do. I can stop talking to the boring piece of trash in front of me and just randomly scroll through things that I don't even know why I'm scrolling through. It's amazing!"

It's amazing that most of us can do whatever we want, but we really just want to waste time seeing what other people are doing online. That's what most of the online world is about. What is that guy doing? How much money is that girl making? Just dumb, crazy, useless stuff. Our actual personas should be taken more seriously. Who cares what that person is doing? What are YOU doing? Checking your phone and email and other junk? Yeah, they probably are too.

Twitter @nathanmacintosh