Nathan Macintosh

Welcome to the website for comedian Nathan Macintosh! 

You can find show dates, Videos, Blog, Instagram, Twitter, Album 'I Wasn't Talking', and Podcast 'Positive Anger' 

http://apple.co/1XJ7raY

 

For bookings contact:

Buchwald And Associates: 

New York Office

Conan Smith: (212) 867-1200

 

Voting and Politics and Jokes and Whatever.

Voted against Harper the first time. I was in college at the time and people were yelling, 'He's going to make abortions illegal! He's going to sell vaginas to China!' Bunch of craziness, but I though, 'I don't like that, I'm voting!' As we know, he won. Does that mean my vote didn't count? No. Someone, somewhere, in a cold, dark room, where water dripped from the ceiling as they were being whipped by a mountie screaming, 'Count them!', counted my vote. It was logged somewhere.  It was counted, there just wasn't enough of them to beat the votes the other way. 

People say their vote doesn't count. NOT voting for sure does'nt count.

'My vote doesn't count.'

'Did you vote?'

'No.'

'Well then yes, you're right.'

Some don't want to vote because 'nothing will change', and sure, maybe things won't change too much. Maybe you won't be given a hundred dollars every time you leave your house, but some people are trying. Not to give you a hundred dollars every time you leave your house. That won't happen. What could happen though, is a movement towards a better country which you believe in. Some better things done with the place you live in. If you lived in an apartment building, and there was a vote to have the front of the building lit on fire constantly, and you could vote against that, why go 'I don't care? I live in the back of the building. Doesn't affect me.' It's your building! The whole thing! Not just the small space you live in. 

'Can you stop these people from pissing in the hallways?'

'Do you live in the hallways? No. Don't let them in your house.'

'But if they win a majority government, legally they could come into my house and piss wherever they wanted!'

'Already stopped listening! Door closed. And a good day to YOU, sir.'

If nothing else, vote so that you can join in the conversations that are GOING TO HAPPEN at your job, at your house, in a store, in the papers, WINNERS, libraries, A&W's, where ever. If you don't vote, you can't complain about what's happening in government. Just doesn't make sense. 

It's an interesting thing as well. People who are already benefiting from a system of government will continue to vote so that government keeps benefiting them. People who aren't benefiting from this government, will not vote because they are so beaten by the government that is in power they think their is no point. Won't vote when it could make things better for them, but WILL vote when the government is already helping them. Kind of how people believe in relationships if they've been in some good ones. If not?

'There's nothing out there for me. Sure, they want to meet up Friday. Yeah, but night three they turn into a murderer who instantly wants to move in with me. They cry, I cry, then we're both single again. What's the point? Alone forever, in the woods of 'do whatever I want' county. That's me. For life.'

People who have  come up with the conservative government will continue to show up and vote. Quick thing here, and barely to do with the party, the word Conservative is just a gross word. Conservative. Nothing fun, interesting, good, entertaining, enjoyable about that word. That isn't to say that SOME of their ideas are smart and just, just that the word, Conservative, woa. What a word. Doesn't work in a lot of situations. Conservative gambling. Conservative sex. Conservative fun. Conservative banking. Conservative Christmas. Conservative clothing. Not in a lot of situations. NDP doesn't work in a lot of those things either, just because NDP is an acronym, not a verb, so like, you know. New Democratic Party sex is also not a good time. 

Also, when we say 'Conservative Party', let's drop the party. Conservative people don't have parties. They have gatherings of stiffs eating cheese, wearing black shoes, stumbling from conversation to conversation with inane small talk. 

 'Hiiiii! Nice to see you! You having a good time? Okay, good. Right? LOVE the meat trays. Yep, having some wine. Don't have to ask me twice! Or even ONCE for that matter. Did you have trouble getting here?  I KNOW. This wind is batty.'

That is a Conservative 'party'. Just a bunch of old crows squawking it up. Change the name. Conservative murder. A murder of Conservatives. 

Voting is kinda fun as well. Go to a convention center you've never been in, wait in a line, meet some old people. Waiting in line at a convention center while meeting old people drinking Tim Hortons? Come on! Big day. Alright, it's not the most fun thing, but it's also not the least. If the options of your day are voting being hoofed in the bag by a Nautical winter boot, hope to christ you choose voting. Whichever party, which ever ideals, just vote. If you do not vote, and you start to say that the people in charge have no idea what they are doing, a hoof should go to your bag. 

Twitter @nathanmacintosh

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