Nathan Macintosh

Album 'To The Point' out now everywhere! 8 Tracks. 21 minutes. Debuted #1 on Canadian iTunes and #12 on American iTunes!

Website for comedian Nathan Macintosh! Seen on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, Conan on TBS and Just For Laughs!

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Filtering by Tag: swear

Taking gods name in vain.

Growing up, I remember once or twice people saying to not take the lords name in vain. Aunts maybe and people from church. My friends mom once when we were kids. But, that didn't stop people from doing it. Everyone. Kids, teachers, parents. The Maritimes is doing it. It happens. Not to say that some people don't follow lords name in vain, but you will hear a lot of people doing it. Just happens. I've heard all of these a million times.

'Jumping Jesus Christ!'

"God damn it!'


'For Christ sakes!'

'Oh for gooooooods sake.'

'Jesus Christ!'


'Holy old fuck!'

Last ones not really name in vain, but still. Heard them a thousand times. Even the same people who would have said not to use it in vain, used it. So after awhile, you just do it. 

'God damn it.'

'Don't say the lords name in vain, god damn it!'

In recent years, I've been called on this twice by people who believe. Two separate people have made mention of me using the name in vain. To be clear, I am not religious. I don't believe there is a entity in the sky. Does that mean that I think people that do are wrong? No. Believe whatever you want. It's not hurting me. I looked up what it means to take the lord's name in vain. Found out it's a commandment! That should tell people where I'm coming from. I did not know that at all. 

'Do you know the commandments?'

'Think so. Don't steal. Don't sex a wife. Don't want something that a neighbour which is a strange one because what if he has something pretty kick ass.... That's all I got.'

'What about lords name in vain?'

'How do you promote this dude then?'

Doing shows recently in South Carolina, afterwards a couple came up, said they thought I was really funny, but their only critique was 'Don't say G D.' I had to honestly think for a second about what that was. And I can appreciate that they believe, but it is weird that you can tell someone you don't know what they should or shouldn't be saying based on how you live your life.  If I didn't like something someone said, if they're not a friend of mine, I wouldn't mention it at all. 

'Hey, great performance. That song was really great. One thing though. Does it have to be called 'The Pussy Police Are On Patrol'? The word 'Pussy' is just gross. What about 'The Vagina Vets Are On Vacation'? Either way, liked it, but that word. Ugh. We don't say that in our house.'

Why can't you say gods name? Does he need you to protect him like this? If I say it and it's bad, and you don't, I'm going to hell, so what do you care? People would say, 'I'm trying to save you.' Why? You want a person who's going to take the lords name in vain a million times walking around your heaven? You want to bring me in? Isn't god going to be angry about that?

'Are you kidding me? You saved this piece of trash? Do you realize that he JUST said, 'God damn! Look at this pearly gate!' I'm so disappointed in everyone I've made right now.'

Some people will say that you just can't do it. It's the lords name and it's a respect thing. Okay. So you respect your god. Good. I don't believe there is one. I would never sit you down and tell you that I don't think he's on a cloud and why you should change how you feel. Why is it okay to come to me with your feelings about your god? Strange thing about it is I bet if I was on stage and was like 'your moms a whore!' People would go, 'Funny how you called my mom out like that.' And they know their mom! But lords name in vain I guess can't happen because they have a special relationship with him. But again I say, what does that have to do with me? What does that have to do with my thoughts and beliefs? If you believe, just chuckle that I'll be killed by lightning one day by a god who hates people saying his name.

I truly don't understand either how saying his name, or god damn or whatever, is hurtful. I've looked it up. I've tried to understand. I just can't. There's no such thing as bad publicity, right? So then no matter how his name is brought up it should be a good thing. People are saying it.

Also, is saying god during sex taking his name in vain? Or is not because it's just you and someone else? Do two religious people call each other on that if it happens?

'Oh, wow. That was great. Just amazing.'

'Yeah.... Look. When I was behind you, you said G D. I love you and everything, but don't take the lords name in vain. ALMOST lost my hard on.'

'Are you kidding me? You know I believe. We go church together every Sunday!'

'Well, I don't know. It's hard to tell when you're all 'G D' this! And 'G D' that!'

'For Christ Sake, you were really giving it to me!'

'There! Again! Jesus! Can you ju...'

'YOU just did it! You did!'

'... This isn't working. I'm leaving. And I'm taking the jesus pictures.'

'Capitalize His name, for fuck sake!'

I'm not sure why an alright god needs you to protect his name. It's like a kitten protecting Floyd Mayweather. He doesn't need it. None of this makes sense to me. I don't really get it. And I suppose I'm not supposed to. Where I come from, it's not apart of me. And with that, I'm not walking around telling people what is wrong with them believing. Would never go up to someone and say something about that.

'You know, I wouldn't give my money to a person who says they have a relationship with a guy you can't see. I just wouldn't do it, okay? So, do what I do with my money. Because that's what I do. I mean, let's be serious. That dude in there has no relationship with god. None. You're giving him money, he spends it on himself. You think it will help you get to heaven, but that whole thing don't exist. Anyway, just my opinion based on what I believe and do with my own life. Keep walking the earth after this the way you do. The wrong way.'

Could I stand to swear less than I do sometimes? Sure. Do I consider god damn it to be swearing? I honestly don't. That's my own mentality and where I come from. If you believe differently, when you get up to heaven you can laugh about it with the big guy.

'See that poor piece of trash down there? Using your name in vain to illustrate a point in from of strangers.'

'Yep. I'll never let him up here. Hey, another game of cloud ping pong?'

'Thank Jesus I'm dead!'

'.... No... thank me.'

Twitter @nathanmacintosh