Nathan Macintosh

Album 'To The Point' out now everywhere! 8 Tracks. 21 minutes. Debuted #1 on Canadian iTunes and #12 on American iTunes!

Website for comedian Nathan Macintosh! Seen on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, Conan on TBS and Just For Laughs!

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American news coverage. Jesus.

Recently, there was a shooting in Ottawa. For anyone that doesn't know, and really you should, that is in Canada and is Canada's capital city. A man shot a soldier outside of a memorial in front of Parliament Hill. The soldier was killed, and the shooter was also killed by police. I heard about this through twitter, while I was in New York. The day before I was in Toronto, and I was really wondering what the coverage of this would be like in Canada. Because I saw the coverage here in America, and woa buddy, what a ridiculous thing it was to watch.

First of all, the news here does nothing, not one thing to make people be calm about an incident. Every thing is, 'This happened here, so you know damn well it could happen to you! Bolt your doors! Grab a gun, your kids, your kids gun, and look suspiciously at every single person you don't know or think that you know! ANYONE can be a person who can do the thing or have the disease or be the tiger that we are talking about today. Brace yourself!" There is no, 'Hey. This happened, but let's all remain calm." It's almost as if every news story is some wacky comedy where somebody says not to panic, and that person is trampled beyond belief by people who don't care about that at all. 

All of the footage I saw on American TV was police running. That was it. Police running. Just cops, running through Parliament. Why would they do that? Why would that be what is shown? Probably so that people at home go, 'Jesus, cops are moving fast! Something crazy must be going on there!' It was just cops running! Or cops holding guns. Yes, they have guns. Cops in Canada have guns. That is part of being a cop. But do you have to just show the most frantic parts of a situation? Why not just have a guy screaming at the camera?

"We're going live to the situation. What's happening down there at the bank?"


"Well, there you have it. Total fear and panic."

Also, most times people in America do not care at all about what is happening in Canada. We either have to have a mayor do crack or a soldier be shot for America to even mention Canada. And why were they talking about the shooting in Ottawa? From what I could tell, it was to scare Americans. The general feeling was that, 'Hey, guys. If it can happen in Canada, something BIG is coming our way." American TV was asking questions like, 'Is this a terrorist attack? Should we be alarmed?" What the hell are you talking about? Why in the hell just not talk about what is, not what this might be?

"Rain predicted for tonight. Is it the end of the world? Will it be acid rain? Are aliens urinating on us? Get scared!"

It's done only to make people afraid. Just to make people sit at home and freak out over what might happen. There were three or four reporters/journalists/whatever sitting around tables on TV, talking about what could be going on in Canada. Just people, who have nothing to do with Canada, talking about a shooting in Canada and speculating on what it could be.

"Does this mean America has to worry? Should we be worried that terrorists are attacking from the top down?"

Why does 'terrorists' have to be thrown right in there? Is that the answer to everything?

"And for a thousand dollars, who was the first man to eve...


"What?! Where?! Shows cancelled. Nobody wins. There's a terrorist somewhere!"

News in America is a haunted house that never let's up. The minute you step in, people are chasing you with chainsaws and throwing bats at you. You think around the next corner it will calm down, but it doesn't.