Disappearing planes.

Planes are disappearing. And we, are just still walking the earth. Over three hundred people have just disappeared! Just straight up, not here. Checked into the flight, and then turned into a magic act.

"Here's my boarding pass and passport."

"Okay. And you know there's a two drink minimum for the performance?"

"What performance?"

"Oh. You'll see."

These flights that have disappeared recently have been in Southeast Asia, and for some reason in North America, people act as if that means nothing.

"Yeah, it's crazy. But it's over there."

These are planes! Just evaporating! Big planes! Planes that people went on-line, bought a ticket for, and checked into! Gone! That's insane. And we just can't find them? The world has found fugitives who've changed their names and looks, no planes. There's been people who have been found on this planet who have zero internet connection, have lived in isolation forever. No planes. Can't we get some of these same people on the case? 

"Hey, remember when you found that one dude who had a plan to kill the President?"

"Oh yeah. Found him under a rock in Bolivia wearing an 'I'm not THAT guy t-shirt." Brought him right in."

"Okay. Well we need you to do that again. Need you to find over three hundred people, and two planes."

"Woa, woa, woa. Did you say two planes? Over three hundred people? Impossible. That's not a job I can take on."

How can't these be found? Can't we get some actual magicians involved? Everything else that happens, we get people who have experience in that subject to speculate on TV. Obama does something, political analysts are asked about it. Sports? We talk to athletes, former athletes about what's going on. David Copperfield made the Statue Of Liberty disappear once. Where the hell did he send that? Maybe these planes are in the same vortex. Ask him! Magicians should be on TV all day speculating and giving their opinions. 

"Hmmm. Where would I send a plane if I was to make it disappear? Well, there's a warehouse in Jersey with trap doors that I've used a bunch. Maybe there. Oh! Or that weird realm between reality and the other world. I've sent a couple things there and never got them back. Could be there. Warning, if you're going in there? Wear a helmet and bring a bible. That place is SCARY."

Two planes, big planes, just completely disappear in the same year, and we're supposed to still get on planes? Man. I don't like flying as it is. It's not fun, not one part of it, and not only could this thing go down, it could end up nowhere? It's getting hard to follow their rules.

"We are starting our final descent, place your tray table and seat in their upright and locked position."

"Hey, we are lucky to be touching down in a place where people can see and touch us. I'm keeping this table down in celebration! It's a party!"

"Sir, please sit down."

"Are you kidding me? We didn't end up in another dimension? I'm up! I'M UP! See you soon, Buffalo!"

twitter @nathanmacintosh