Alec Baldwin punched a cameraman in the face. Personally – I
think that's great. I don't believe enough people get punched anymore.
More people need to be checked. When LeBron did the hour long Decision,
Michael Jordan should have been right there to smash him in the mouth.
you serious? I played with the flu like a boss and you take an entire
hour to say one sentence? Obama doesn't get that much airtime! They cut
him off at half an hour!"
When Floyd Mayweather asked to get
out of jail early (after beating his girlfriend infront of his kids)
because the water in prison was bad and he couldn’t work out in there as
well as he did on the outside? Should be hit in the back of the head
with a barstool.
"Are you insane? You beat a woman infront of
her kids and went to jail! You think it would be the Best Western?! Man,
I should hit you again for fighting your girlfriend before Pacquiao."
The person who invented the self-checkout should be struck with a bamboo stick.
you crazy? You thought it would be better to talk to a robot over a
person who hates their life? They can be chatted up – this machine is a
machine! And if you're bringing in self-checkouts then have the decency
to get the real people out of here! They have to watch robots slowly
take their job?!"
For some reason, though, when a celebrity
attacks an "innocent, minding his own business" photographer, the world
attacks the celebrity.
Whenever I hear these
stories, I think they are great. When Russell Crowe hit that guy with a
phone, when Sean Penn shot at helicopters, when Björk grabbed that
woman’s hair. To me, that one just makes sense. Björk came off an
insanely long flight. Just landed! You ever have a long flight?
Something over twelve hours? You feel your normal, chipper self when you
landed? You feel that you could have a conversation with the world when
you leave the terminal? No! You want to punch the person next to you
who's also waiting for their bag.
"If this guy doesn't stop chewing his gum so loud, I swear to God I'm gonna smash his head off of his iPad. Shut it down, chew-loud!"
People get so upset with celebrities when they attack someone.
cameraman was just doing his job! His insanely annoying and useless
job. It's not his fault he has to be directly in your eye every time he
snaps a photo. Leave him alone!"
I honestly don't understand
why people try to defend these cameramen. Why! Why defend people who
instigate fights and anger? Did people defend the bitchy girls in high
school who would pick on people, and then when those people snapped,
would run to a teacher with a sob story?
"I don't know what
happened to her. We were just talking to her about how she could change
her hair, you know? So that it could look as good as mine? And she
snapped and threw a book at me. I guess I'm a bad person for telling her
that her roots were showing every day for a month. I was just trying to
Why do people run to their side? Why does anyone stick up for these cameraman? If a friend of yours told you they wanted to be a celebrity photographer, what would your first thought be?
"Oh, wow! That is a very noble job full of talent and necessity. On par with a doctor. Good for you!"
you would think they were a complete piece of garbage. The only way it would be respectable is if you completely fell into it after failing at everything else.
"You know, I tried just about everything. I was fired from every call center I worked at, I don't have the upper body strength to dig ditches, and I don't have the heart to rob people. I guess it's pick up a camera, follow around famous people and document their entire lives."
is there anyway that people can tone down on their love of celebrities a
bit? Honestly, who cares what these people are doing? Not in a rude
way, but man, who cares? Why worry about them getting married, where
they are seen, what they're wearing or what they're driving. What the
hell are YOU doing? Have you achieved everything that you wanted to do
with your life that you can now just sit and watch everyone else?
only took me forty-five years, but I finally have studied everything on
the planet and have become a master at it all. I can speak every
language, I have graduated with the highest degree in every form of
education... and what the hell will I do now? There's nothing left! Only
thing left to do is watch what others are up to. That's what I'll do!
Oh! Look at this! This famous person is wearing something that I
wouldn't wear. What an idiot!"
I love when
people talk about what celebrities are wearing. The people who only
judge and talk about what celebrities are wearing? Man. There's no
amount of jail time that is enough for this offense.
what this person is wearing! I wouldn't wear it because I'm boring, have
nothing relevant to say, and wouldn't step out of the tiny box I know
as 'life' in fear that someone like me would judge me the way I judge
Alec Baldwin saying that paparazzi
should be waterboarded is great. That is a great sentence. People think
that's rough, though. Why? Because you can't say something like that to
people who are not on TV. You can't do that! He's never been in a show.
All he does is take pictures; he doesn't deserve to be waterboarded!
Watch a show come out, though, that is "Celebrity Waterboarding". Some
of the highest ratings of all time.
"Oh, man! Did you see last
night's episode where Joshua Jackson said he was behind 9/11 after
being waterboarded for an hour? Oh, man. What a loser! Go out and do The
Skulls 4, you piece of trash!"
Plus, admit it –
people want to see these people freak out. It's only fun for a while to
have Alec Baldwin or other celebrities be nice. The world
wants to see exactly what happened. But then instead of saying, "Thank
you for giving us what we pushed you to do!" – we call these people
crazy. Crazy! The balls on us! The gall! That guy is crazy because I
pushed him to be that way. What a nut.
people actually get upset at celebrities and ask, "How can they get so
mad?" We all get mad at random people all day, for even dumber things.
that guy got on the bus before me when CLEARLY I was ahead of him. I
hope the bus explodes under him only and he is blown up. What a loser!"
get mad at people all day and they aren't following us around taking
pictures of us! What if they were? What if when you bought chips, or
tripped, or held your kid there was someone taking pictures of all of
it? The way that everyone goes on, no one would deal with it.
"Hey! Why are you following me onto the subway?! You want to do this? You want to go!"
what's wrong with that guy? I'm just in his face and business all day
taking pictures of it all for money. That guy is insane!"
can tell they want to push celebrities because they'll call it "When
Celebrities Attack!" They treat him like an animal! Push him to the
brink, and then when he attacks, talk about it like a grizzly that got
"He just kept coming at me! And I was saying, "What are
you doing? Stop attacking me! Stop!" And he wouldn't listen. You can
see right here, where I am pointing on my face and there is no mark what
so ever, that this is where he hit me. And you can talk to the doctor
who said, "Why are you wasting my time with this? You are not injured at
all", and he'll tell you that I was brutally beaten and deserve
It's amazing that the world will push people to their breaking point, and then when they do, we act like they are insane. People who think that
celebrities who get angry are out of line, would be the same people who
think a lion is insane when a attacks a tourist from Florida who puts a
camera in his mouth.
"God, all I did put my Hawaiian shirt on
his back and he snapped and ate my kid! That lion needs to be put down!
Burn down the entire jungle he lives in! That Emu, too. I try to get
his footprint in my papier-mâché and he bites my face? What the hell is
his problem! Blow him away!"
can all pretty much agree that if you are run by celebrity gossip you
are probably a piece of garbage, right? If you read People Magazine and
talk about it, or if you check out Perez Hilton's website and look at
these people as if they are doing something good – the rest of the world
hopes you never are put in charge of anything.
"Who did I
vote for? The guy who knows every issue of US Weekly cover to cover,
that's who. Who are you voting for? Oh, because he reads books? Lame! He
probably doesn't even know the terrible dress that Kim Kardashian wore
to the gym three weeks ago. Complete loser."
Alec Baldwin is amazing. Anyone who is going to judge him, based on
this or any other mistakes he has made, is wrong. He is a human being. A
hilarious human being. Not to say that he has the right to attack
people or anything like that, but man, everyone who is pushed only has
so long before they will push back. And we don't see all of it. We only
see "the freak out". We don't see the months and months of him dealing
with photographers, keeping his calm in many situations before one day
just losing it. We only see, "He's lost it! He's an animal!"
No, he's a human.
What's amazing to me as well is that North America right now is on a huge 'Stop Bullying' campaign.
"Don't say anything to that kid! Nothing at all! Lock this school down! LOCK IT!"
the story had been that a kid was following another kid around taking
pictures of him all day and the other kid snapped, the world would be on
"Yeah! Punch that kid! We will not tolerate bullying!"
When it's a celebrity? Screw 'em.
can't bully kids. Not unless that kid was on TV, then it's okay.
"Did you see what Jordan brought for lunch today, teacher?"
"Yes, I read about it in todays People. Just a shame. Tuna sandwich. Isn't he making twenty thousand an episode? Looks like someone has a gambling problem."
Adults and kids are allowed to
bully celebrities. Daily! It’s hard to tell a kid not to bully another
kid when one day he can get paid for it.
I'd love to see if turned around. See how cameramen would deal with it. Celebrities should follow cameramen into their
hotels, while they're out on dates, at the zoo with their kids, or
getting married, and take pictures of them. I wonder how long it would
take before they snap.
"How do you like it, huh? You like
having your picture taken every time you make a move? Oh, what's that?
You're buying broccoli? What are you, a loser?! How do you like it!"
"...Um, actually I love it. I take pictures of you because I'm jealous that I can never be you."
"...Oh... well... we still hate it! Stop doing it!"