Nathan Macintosh

Welcome to the website for comedian Nathan Macintosh! 

You can find show dates, Videos, Blog, Instagram, Twitter, Album 'I Wasn't Talking', and Podcast 'Positive Anger' 

http://apple.co/1XJ7raY

 

For bookings contact:

Authentic Talent Management:

New York Office
Tel: (718) 422-0200

James Cristiano: james@authenticm.com

Buchwald And Associates: 

New York Office

Conan Smith: (212) 867-1200

 

Odor Punching Bautista

There are some people who are pretty happy about this. These people are mostly Texas Rangers fans, or people from Texas in general. 

'Odor punched Bautista! Screw that guy! He shouldn't have flipped his bat!'

Shouldn't have flipped his bat LAST YEAR? People have to go back and watch that game. Did Odor punch Andrus when he dropped those two easy outs? Maybe if he Odor would have smoked Andrus after he dropped the first one he wouldn't have dropped the second.

'Hey, Andrus!'

'Look, Odor I apo.... JESUS! Right in the teeth!'

'You're not gonna drop the next one are you?'

'... No sir.'

Andrus makes those plays, Bautista never gets up.

And for a second let's talk about Texas last year. Dyson, the hero that he is, tapped Tulo on the ass when he struck him out. Is there no unwritten rule on that? There's no, 'Hey, pitcher, if you strike a guy out don't go over and gloat in HIS FACE' rule? NONE? No, it would have been SUPER COOL with Texas if Price had struck out Beltre then went up and tapped his pockets. They would have LOVED that. 

ALSO, I'm not sure who this pitcher for Texas was, I want to say Holland but I could be wrong, but one of these dominant forces of sportsmanship was warming up in the bullpen. A Toronto fan dropped their play off towel and it floated beside this level headed individual. He picks it up, looks at the fan, and fake wipes his ass with it! Then throws it on the ground! This was a game or two BEFORE the bat flip. Now, if that there isn't reason enough to THROW A BAT IN THE AIR AFTER CRUSHING A HOMERUN AND DRIVING HOME THREE, not sure what is. 

Bautista talked at length after that game, saying the bat flip wasn't directed at Texas. It was an in the moment thing. And, after how insane that game was, it was perfect. Wasn't AT anybody.

So this year, in the last game of their series, Texas, still angry at Bautista, decide to 'get even.' They hit him with the ball and walk him. When he runs for second, he takes out Odor so that he can't make the double play to first. Odor pushes him, then smashes him in the face. Hero. Just a full hero. Taking out the second baseman has happened many times in baseball. Happened many times even by the good doctor ODOR HIMSELF. Was HE punched in the face? No. But, fine. 

Look! There's that hero! Doing EXACTLY what Bautista did. He's great! No punchings. 

Texas fans say 'Bautista got ROCKED! He lost that battle!' Now, the man DID get rocked. That punch was huge. Bautista said so when interviewed after. He said 'He got me good, I have to admit. But I guess it takes a bigger man than that to knock me down.' WHY did he say that? Because BAUTISTA DIDN'T FALL DOWN. Man was ROCKED in the jaw, and did not fall. Texas fans seem to think that doesn't matter.

'But he got ROCKED! Look at the punch!' 

Yeah. Look at it. Keep watching the video. Bautista does not fall, and is held by Beltre (who I like) while Odor is grabbed by a bunch of people. Kevin Pilar runs down from center field just swinging. But Bautista, does not fall. Which DOES STAND FOR SOMETHING. ANYwhere else it would. Boxing match, UFC fight. Brawl between two angry men outside of a bar. If a man outside of a bar ROCKED another man and that other man DIDN'T FALL, people around would go 'Woa. HOW did that man NOT fall?' For Texas fans though, that doesn't matter.

And, that's fine. Keep your non baseball baseball highlights. Get it on t-shirts. Reply Odor punching Bautista a thousand times and stop it directly after so you don't see Bautista catch his balance. Remember though that more people were knocked over by Bautista's bat flip then Odors punch. 

 

 

Going No Meat

Over the last little while I've started to think that I should stop eating meat. Not sure that it's helping my life at this point. I'm sure meat is okay with it.

'But hey, I'm meat! What in the hell am I dying for if no one is going to eat me!?'

'... Well if nobody eats you you won't have to die.'

'Why the hell wouldn't you want to eat me? I'm meat!'

'I mean, a couple of reasons.'

Me not wanting to eat meat much anymore doesn't really have a whole lot to do with the fact that an animal has to die. If I had to kill an animal to eat it? I wouldn't. That's just me. A lot of people could and can, and that's cool, but if I had to actually kill a thing to eat it, man, no way. Even a chicken. 

'Come here, chicken! You gotta die!'

'Why?! What did I do?!'

'Nothing! I just want to cook your tits!' 

'Dear god! Let me live! Just put them in your mouth!'

'No, I wanna eat 'em!'

Not being able to strangle a cow with my bare hands is not THE reason that I want to cut down on meat. . Big reason is that I don't really feel good after eating meat anymore. Specifically red meat. It now stops me from feeling like a normal person. I used to eat meat and still want to do things. Now, if I eat red meat, I don't want to move. Even just a burger.

'Buddy, look out! You're pulling the table cloth off of the table!!'

'Yeah, I need a blanket. Gonna nap in this booth.' 

'Jesus! Everything is on the floor.!'

'Shhhh! Could you please stop yelling? I'm exhausted over here.'

I've always eaten meat. At one point I was ADDICTED to chicken wings. I was eating at least two pounds a week for about four straight years. And before that I was still eating them, just not on such a regimented schedule. Just couldn't get enough chicken wings. When people would ask me what my favourite food was, chicken wings. When I went ANYWHERE, I would get chicken wings. Even places that I KNEW were not going to have good wings. Restaurants like 'We have good everything EXCEPT chicken wings. We swear to god. Don't order them here!' I'd get them and go, 'Ugh, these are terrible' while still eating them. After awhile, I looked awful and felt awful. Two pounds a week for four years! That's 104 pounds a year! Dear Christ. I ate that! If I could see a room full of all of the wings I've eaten, I'd throw up. It's enough wings for them to gather together and form some sort of wing voltron.

Having just turned 30, it feels like this is the time. Feels like this the time to decide if you're going to eat healthy and try to feel good from now on OR take the other road and just throw it all into the garbage. It doesn't get easier from here to live healthier, go to the gym and keep weight off. Only harder. At 20 I could eat pizza and still go somewhere. 30 if I have a couple of slices before I go to sleep, I wake up feeling like I drank.

'Dear god, how much did I.... Oh, nothing. I drank water and those three pieces of meat lovers pizza. CHRIST. I just hope I didn't drive home. Ugh.'

So, I'm trying. I'd love to just switch right to plants and no dairy. I'm sure I could, but it's going to take me a minute before I go full. But I'm slowly going full. Because whatever. I have had enough meat and dairy in my life. Had it. Do I NEED to keep doing it? How much milk do I have to drink? How many chicken tits do I need to suck on?! How many?! It's time to drink the milk of a million crushed almonds! It's time to the eat the tits off of some spinach! 

@nathanmacintosh

I'm Home

I'm back in Halifax for the comedy festival that happens here. In it's twenty first year. When it was in it's ninth year, I was in high school. Hadn't started doing stand up yet but I KNEW that it was what I was supposed to do. KNEW it. I drove around the city at the time, wanting to go to all the shows, and thinking that ONE day I would be performing in the festival. This year is my fourth time being asked to perform here. 

I say that to say, every time I come back to Halifax I have many memories from this place. The hotel the Halifax Fest puts us up in for example. When I was 15 or 16, there was a acting convention or some such here. Basically a bunch of casting directors and agents came, charged young hopefuls money to take a look at them and tell them if they have a shot at a career or not. I wanted SO BAD to be looked at as someone who could have a career in entertainment, that I forced my mom to take me to it. After waiting for awhile, they read a list of names of people who they wanted to see more of. I was one of those names, and I literally yelled 'Yes!' I was so excited. I sat at a table with my mom talking to an agent. She said that they would need six hundred dollars to start working with me. My mom said she'd have to think about it, and we left. I was very upset. I REALLY thought this could be the start of everything. My mom refused to give me the money. So I actually dropped out of High School, got a part time job so that I could earn the money myself. By the time I had the six hundred, I decided to go back to school, and thought that this whole 'agent convention' thing was probably a big scam. 

This hotel is also next to the train station. The train station that as a kid I went through a lot. I would take the train from here to my grand parents house away. I remember a few times I would be taking the train home, and nobody came to pick me up. I would have to get a cab home. And honestly at the time we didn't have a car, so really nobody could have easily came to get me, but still. As a kid, getting off a train alone, seeing other people being picked up by family, hugging each other and being happy, it made me really sad. I dreaded that part. I thought that people were looking at me like 'No family huh? Jesus.' Nobody cared or thought that, but I felt sad every time.

I walked out of jobs here, which are some of my favourite memories. Walking out of a job is the best thing in the world. Also left a few jobs to do back ground work in movies. I left two jobs, (one that took me back), to be an extra in a movie. Being an extra in a movie is not a huge thing, but MAN, ANYTHING that I could do to be entertainment was what I was going to do. 'You want me to walk behind actors with speaking roles for 16 hours today for a hundred bucks? I'll quit a job for that. You want me to get in and out of a car in the background of a movie that I think only went to TV and I didn't even see? I'll skip three days of school for that and THEN get suspended for two more for skipping those days.' 

I remember being elbowed in the face as a kid by another kid accidentally, being sent back to class by the people in the principals office, only to be picked up by my mom who flipped out, asked where my front tooth was, SAW that it was still in my mouth but pushed back, and rushed me to the dentist, and for the next three years was in and out of the dentist office because of this. Due to the principals negligence and the idea to NOT call my mom and let her know that I was elbowed, the tooth died years later and now I have a fake one. 

I remember playing video games with my brother for days on end. Just hours of playing Diddy Kong racing, Mario Kart, WWF No Mercy, Metal Gear Solid, and a whole bunch of others. 

I remember being expelled from High School for being kicked out of a bunch of classes. I was in a play at the time that I asked if I could still do. It's was nine days away and I was told no. I was really hurt by that. Was also going to run for school president the next year, had backing from one of my teachers, who was like 'what they hell is your problem? I stood up for you, and you get expelled? Come on.' 

Lot of good times here, lots of bad ones as well. Can't help but be reminded of them when I'm home, and for both sets of memories I'm happy. 

 

DONATE TO SUPPORT POSITIVE ANGER!